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You don’t really need to hear my introduction recapping all of the goddamn articles about Baseball food I’ve written in the last few weeks, right? We’ve seen the Bacon Donut Dog, the Churro Dog, that abomination of a Bloody Mary from the Minnesota Twins, and more.
Well, the Houston Astros aren’t going to let their in-state, AL West, Lone Star Series rivals, the Texas Rangers, have all the fun with their all-bacon and all-fried food concession stands this season. They’re rolling out something incredible that’s gonna rethink the way we look at how we eat fried chicken. The Houston Astros are putting fried chicken in a WAFFLE CONE. FRIED CHICKEN LIKE ICE CREAM. WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?
Get ready for the portable, eat-on-the-go @Astros chicken and waffle cone: http://t.co/uooCE9ZosJ pic.twitter.com/8oCuGqi3lL
— Cut4 (@Cut4) March 27, 2015
Good lord. Fried Chicken and Mashed Potatoes on the go. My heart is beating uncontrollably…though that might just be my arteries preemptively clogging themselves.
It’s simple enough. You take a waffle cone. Shove it full of mashed potatoes. Put some chicken in it. Then put chicken all over the top. Douse that shit with Honey Mustard and call it a day. It’s portable chicken and waffles. My eyes have seen the glory.
Perhaps we’re one step closer to making Ron Swanson’s dream come true: Eating an entire cone of meat.
Even though this might have too much “non-meat” for Mr. Swanson, you have to give the Astros credit for stepping up the snack game. I mean, what else would you use a waffle cone for, if not to shove meat and potatoes in it? Ice Cream? Fuck you, ice cream. That’s bush-league..
[via MLB Cut 4]
Respond
@JayTasShow
@FireJayTas
There are other things to Post Grad life than ridiculous food items…such as disappearance of writers from online websites.
Okay, couple of things:
1. Where’s the gravy? If I’ve learned anything in my 20-something years on this earth as a black guy it’s that ball is life, you should never hit on a girl at an Asian supermarket unless you’re sure her parents don’t run it, and gravy makes everything better. Really, chicken and waffles with no gravy? Foh.
2. A hard waffle cone doesn’t seem like it’d work too well here. Maybe an actual waffle would taste better? I’m willing to pay $15+ to find out.
3. Where’s Brian?
4. This doesn’t have the same sinful appeal as a doughnut stuffed with bacon. I can almost convince myself that it’s healthy to shovel all that starch and meat down my throat. Hell, lying to myself like that is practically a hobby of mine. I mean, you need protein in your diet if you want your workouts to be effective. And if you don’t have enough carbs to balance it out you get that keto-stank, and that ain’t cute.
Definitely needs gravy over honey mustard. That was my first thought too.
About time we get some artery clogging food at Minute Maid.
Going to opening day just went from a maybe to a definite yes.
I can picture some fat Texan getting ripped by a foul ball because he’s so god damn smitten with this thing in his hands. Needless to say I want one right fucking now.
I swear to god, If having you write instead of Brian is Grandex’s idea of an elaborate April Fools prank, you’ve just met you’re biggest problem….
*Your
Shithead.
Being a grammar nazi doesn’t suit you, Tas.
#FireJayTas
Don’t fuck with The Hammer, JayTas
Fuck off JayTas. Don’t you have a website full of readers to disappoint?
Says he won’t recaps articles on food…proceeds to recap articles on food. #JustJayTasThings
Ps. What the fuck did you do to Brian?
Good thing your username isn’t HashtagProdigy, because #JustJayTasThings might be the worst hashtag I’ve ever seen in my life.
I would say this is the worst thing I have read in a long time, but I have read some of your articles
And this is how we reclaim the title of fattest city.
JayTas slowly turning into the Darren Rovell of PGP.
I don’t like your attitude.
Your mother didn’t seem to mind it.
Getting roasted by JayTas. PGP
“Its chickenwaffalicious”