High School Reunion Gets Too Lit, Results In Local City Club Getting Destroyed

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I have yet to attend my first real high school reunion (the five-year one doesn’t count), but when I do, I hope it is as wild as the alcohol-fueled vandalism fest that happened in Toledo last week.

According to a report by the Toledo Blade, far and away the best newspaper name I’ve ever heard, a 10-year high school reunion resulted in one fancy downtown Toledo club getting absolutely wrecked. A police report indicates that reunion attendees damaged the wood-paneled, art-filled club by discharging a fire extinguisher in the building and urinating in the elevators. They also stole about 30-50 drink tickets, because of course they did.

From the Toledo Blade:

Police responded about 10:45 p.m. July 30 to the club, 235 14th St, where graduates of Southview High School hosted the event. A club employee told Toledo police one man sprayed a fire extinguisher in the kitchen and throughout a staircase, according to an incident report.

Aaron Swiggum, club president, said it appears a group of former students “intentionally caused significant damage.”

“Once the matter is fully investigated, we will be seeking reimbursement for all expenses and damages. Authorities are also currently investigating for potential criminal charges,” Mr. Swiggum said. No criminal charges have yet been filed.

The member said at least one person urinated on Christmas ornaments stored in the building, which had to then be discarded. Other club members, who also did not want to be named, said they were appalled by the behavior, which also included urination in a club elevator.

Mr. Swiggum said he could not comment on additional details about the vandalism.

A club official told police the night of the vandalism that one of the attendees involved in the vandalism “fled in a blue Kia Soul” with dealer plates.

Urinating on Christmas ornaments? What kind of monsters are they graduating at Southview High?! Also, “Mr. Swiggum” sounds like the name of a cartoon teacher in a town where everybody is a raccoon.

My favorite part of the whole story has to be the blue Kia Soul getaway car with dealer plates that fled the scene of the crime. You have to imagine the people inside that car were probably having the most fun night of their lives since college, jamming to some mid-2000 hits like “Mr. Brightside,” “Candy Shop,” “Gold Digger,” or “Lose Control.” Yes, all of those classic songs are over 10 years old. How does that make you feel?

You have to imagine the reunion reignited some old flames between former high school lovers. The story doesn’t mention it, but there had to be some hook-ups in the handicapped stall. It wouldn’t be a 10-year reunion without them.

The good people of the Toledo metropolitan area know how to have a good time. My excitement for our future high school reunion is currently peaking.

[via Toledo Blade]

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