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Because I’m a man-child, I just sent my mom and email that read, “Can you apply the payment to this student loan?” Yes, that payment is coming from my bank account. And yes, I send her an email every month because I’m too lazy to figure out how to do it myself. But I, like the rest of you, dread the thought of student loans every month when it comes time to pay the man his money.
I would do filthy things to get these student loans off the books. Like things I’m not willing to type on the internet should I get fired from my job and forced to apply elsewhere in an effort to pay off said student loans. And it turns out I’m not alone, because Lendedu, “an online company that provides information about loan refinancing options” did a poll among 513 graduated students to see just how far they’d go to get rid of their student loan debt.
Per UPI:
— 57.89 percent would give up social media for life
— 57.11 percent would give up coffee for life
— 56.73 percent would take a punch from boxer Mike Tyson
— 56.14 percent would abstain from alcohol and drugs for life
— 40.35 percent would take one year off life expectancy
— 35.67 percent would give up texting for life
— 28.07 percent would name first-born daughter Sallie Mae
— 20.47 percent would wear same outfit everyday for life
— 6.47 percent would cut off pinky finger
— 4.68 percent would move to Syria for life
— 4.09 percent would contract a random sexually transmitted disease for life
Alright. I’m… I’m calling bullshit. Sure, some of these aren’t that bad. Would I give up coffee, take one year of my life away, or sacrifice a pinky finger? Sure, I don’t really need any of those things. But these motherfuckers must be in some dire straits if they’re willing to wear the same outfit every day for life or move to fucking Syria.
If you’re willing to move to Syria to make your student loan debt disappear, then why the hell did you go to college in the first place? You’re clearly not smart enough to think for yourself. Like, even Brendan Dassey knows better than to go to college if it means he has to head to Syria for the long haul afterwards.
Here’s a thought — skip college, buy a van, surf for the rest of your life, have no debt, and skip the whole Syria thing. Boom, life problems solved. you’re welcome. .
[via UMI]
Image via Shutterstock
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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My student loans have already taken 1 year off of my life expectancy
The alcohol + drugs used to cope with student loans have taken another couple years off as well.
If you are willing to move to Syria to make your student loans disappear, why not, uh, move to Syria, where they won’t be able to collect on your student loans?
Also, I’d take a punch from Tyson for some relatively trivial amount of money ($1k?) Would only hurt for a few days, I bet, and then I’ve got $1k.
It’s not the student loans that disappears in Syria, it’s the student.
Those journalists went to college then went to Syria and look how that turned out. To keep things positive, they don’t have to pay back their student loans anymore.
Come on man, that’s fucked up.
Oh come on, you know I’m not being serious with this shit by now.
Still though, that’s just in poor taste. You can do better.
I’m not taking a punch from The Champ. Not without a motorcycle helmet on. Of course, with the resulting permanent brain damage, you’re at least likely to not remember the student loans. Ignorance is bliss, I guess.
What are the chances that a punch from Mike Tyson would kill me?
You know what, I don’t care, send him my way.
Well they never said where he would punch you. So yeah, I’ll take a punch to the foot from Tyson.
Would you rather smoke a pack of cigarettes a day for life or not have student loans?
I feel like I’d be able to buy new lungs with the amount I have in student loans + the interest. So without a doubt, yes
Sallie Mae? I’d name my first born daughter “Debt Free” it got me off Scott free.
Student loans and rent both being due at the 1st of the month. PGP.
$1400 in rent then $1056 in student loans. Factor in utilities, food, girlfriend… No wonder I save maybe$100 a month.
I live in a top-5 most expensive city in the country and those are outrageous outlays even to me. I can’t decide if I should throw up or give you a hug.
Where did you go to school?
Who the hell cuts off their pinky?
Yakuza…
The cost of reconstructive face surgery after taking a hit from Iron Mike is certainly less than paying off my student loans. Where do I sign up?
Surfing through the California State Park System #pgp
Move back in with parents + drive shitty car from high school + work your ass off – going out every weekend = debt free. paid $25,000 in 9 months before most of my friends had even made a payment