Hellbent On Destroying America, Nabisco Is Releasing Red Velvet Oreos

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Since the invention of the Doritos Locos tacos, America has been waiting on the next great food innovation. It now appears that our dreams may very well destroy us in the end.

Nabisco plans on releasing a red velvet flavored Oreo cookie on February 2. Your New Year’s resolution had a good run. It’s all over. Back up the truck to the nearest grocery store and load up. I can’t imagine these things will suck. Dammit. I was doing so well.

Senior director for Oreo North America, Janda Lukin had this to say:

“We knew there was a lot of love out there for the flavor red velvet … and for OREO, so we asked ourselves, why not combine the two?”

Yes. Why NOT combine the two, Janda? I’m shocked it’s taken you this long. America’s obsession with all things cake should have made this a no brainer. Red velvet cake is the best of all the cakes, so I’m just really excited about all this. Moderation will be key. Just need to make sure we all take it easy. Just don’t do anything crazy…

Aw, what the hell. I’ll probably just end up eating an entire package myself over the course of a weekend. Bring it on.


[via USA Today]

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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