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The following is a phone call between Eric and his mother.
Mom: Hey honey, it’s mom. How’s your week going?
Eric: Hey mom. You know phones have caller ID now, right? You don’t have to tell me who’s calling every time. And my week is busy, how’s yours?
Mom: Oh stop it. I’m not that old and out of touch, I know about caller ID. Maybe I wasn’t sure if you had my number. Anyway, why is it busy? Is your boss working you too hard?
Eric: Why would I not- Ok, sure. We just have a big deadline coming up so I’ve been working late to get it done in time. No big deal.
Mom: Working late? I don’t like that. Can you ask your boss for help? It’s not fair that you’re working so much, I worry about you. I just read an article on how stress affects-
Eric: Mom, I’m fine. I definitely can’t ask my boss to help me do my job that they pay me for. Don’t worry. I’m happy. Anyway, what’s up?
Mom: Ok, ok. I’m your mother, I’m always going to worry about you. Anyway, I wanted to know when you’re free for our family vacation. Your brother said the last weekend in August was best for him, does that work for you?
Eric: Oh, nice! Where are we going? Those dates should work for me, I just have to request my PTO days.
Mom: Great! Well, I’m not sure yet. He wanted to go Orlando, does that sound fun?
Eric: Orlando doesn’t sound fun for anyone, mom. Unless by Orlando he meant Disneyworld?
Mom: No, he was talking about just checking out the city, I think.
Eric: Yeah, I’m going to have to veto that idea because Orlando is a horrible swamp with nothing notable about it…except for the fact that his girlfriend lives out there and he hasn’t seen her since school ended. Hmmm, I wonder if that could factor into his reasoning?
Mom: Alright Mr. attitude, I see what you’re saying. No Orlando. Aw, that’s kind of cute that he misses her though. Maybe we should-
Eric: Sowhataboutsomewhere with nature? We could do Yellowstone or another national park? You always talk about wanting to see the Grand Canyon, right?
Mom: Oh, that would be nice! A friend of mine, Gail. You remember Gail, right? Her daughter went to elementary school with you. What was her name? Something pretty. Madison? I think it was Madison. Anyway, she just went to Zion National Park and she said it was absolutely beautiful. What do you think about Zion?
Eric: (After googling what state Zion is to make sure it was nowhere near Orlando). Hah. That sounds great! I’m sure Mr. Romantic will be able to handle another month without his star-crossed lover. Just let me know when you confirm the dates, and I’ll request them off.
Mom: Oh, stop teasing him. You remember how you were at that age, we couldn’t go anywhere without you calling and texting your little girlfriend all the time. Speaking of which, I saw on Facebook that Rachel is moving to Seattle? Did you know about this?
Eric: Seattle? Uh, no I didn’t. I don’t really keep in touch with her anymore. Why Seattle?
Mom: I don’t know sweetie, last time I talked to her you told me not to. Maybe if you care you should reach out to her yourself. I’m sure she’d love to hear from you…
Eric: Hah, I bet she would. I mean, no mom. I was just wondering. Thanks for not talking to my ex, please continue to do that. Anyway, I have to get going. Thanks for the call, and I’m excited for our vacation!
Mom: Ok hun, don’t work too hard. Me too. I’ll let you know what your brother says.
Eric: Or just book the trip and tell him after… it’s not like he has a job or anything that matters.
Mom: Oh, stop it. You’re so mean to him. I’ll talk to you later. I love you.
Eric: Love you too. Bye. .
Respond
Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
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Moms love bringing up people who you went to elementary school with and haven’t talked to since
“Hey, remember ______? Well, he just died of an overdose according to the local paper. He was such a gifted [sports] player. Remember how you guys used to play [sports] in the driveway? So sad.”
True. I get a call or text almost weekly about “hey remember ______? I just saw their mom at the store and they are ________. Isn’t that so crazy?”
Once in a while my mom tells me about former past loves and then tells me I’m better off without them
Rachel moving to Seattle in search of the ever elusive gold foil
Does everyone’s mom wait until a month before to plan a family vacation? My mom would have a panic attack. She wants that shit planned at least 6 months in advance.
My mom plans so far out there is no way I could commit, and then calls me about it once a week. I love moms
Same here, 6 months minimum, and no input from kids. Always a top-down decision where we went.
After college, my parents would plan trips without telling us and then ask me literally two days prior if I’m coming.
At least you get an invite. Mine just go without us.
We’ve never planned anything domestic more than a couple months in advance. However, internationally you have to or it gets crazy expensive.
My family has traveled out of the country (together) only once and it was to Canada when you could still use a birth certificate instead of a passport. We typically only go to an east coast or gulf coast beach and still plan 6 months – 1 year in advance
She’s being crazy in that case. But if you ever go overseas, then just know that you’ll have to book about 6 months in advance if you don’t want to get robbed on the airfare
You’re going to die of heat stroke if you visit Zion (or the Grand Canyon) at the end of August.
I’m going to Zion at the end of august….
Maybe get your affairs in order before you leave.
I’m legitimately at Zion on a family trip right now, actually bizarre reading this. Eric go dude, it’s fun.
Mom: when are you free? Where would you like to go?
Me : end of July, let’s do San Diego.
Mom: great! We’re doing North Carolina in June.
My mom and I make fun of each other so much more than Eric and his mom. Also, I just got dumped so I feel like I identify with Eric so much more now than I had been previously
sup?
Sup? 😉
You were too good for them anyway
Thanks all! Hopefully I don’t end up recreating this series. It’s like the ghost of Christmas future to me lol
Eric’s surprising excitement about this vacation made me sad that I don’t have any siblings. Third-wheeling with the parents as an only child on vacations kinda sucks.
Don’t forget to add this to the GBITG series section for us OCD folks.
But why so much hate on Orlando? Orlando is super fun.
Id rather just stay at work than visit orlando in the summer.
Can’t tell if this is sarcasm. Orlando in the summer is a layover destination or a just passing through spot
Orlando is all the bad things about Florida without access to any of the good things. Their lakes are trash, no beach access, and last time I went the bar scene sucked. But you still get access to the heat, humidity, and bath salt addicts.
The only good things about Orlando are the theme parks and the food. It’s not worth it.