A friend dropped this fact on me this weekend: there’s only one weekend left until Halloween, three weekends before Thanksgiving, seven weekends until Christmas, and eight weekends until the New Year. Which means, along with limited time to buy presents for practically everyone I’ve ever met, I have eight weeks to lose my final thirty pounds to reach my goal weight. So if you need me, I’ll be over here eating lettuce while brutally abusing my credit card on Amazon.
And how was my weekend, aside from the aforementioned weight loss/holiday shopping panic attack, you ask? That’s so kind of you. Frankly, I had a quiet weekend yet boring at home. But my beloved Patriots won over the Steelers and I actually got some things done, so I’ve got no complaints. At the very least, my boring weekend was better than these people’s.
Pippen actually had a pretty crappy week heading into the weekend. The NBA Hall of Famer filed for divorce from his wife, Real Housewives of Miami‘s Larsa, after nineteen years together. After news of the impending divorce dropped, it was revealed that Miami police had been called twice over the last few weeks to the couple’s home for domestic incidents. So embarrassing himself in front of 40,000 or so Cubs fans probably wasn’t a big deal.
Someone decided to hand Pippen the mic during the 7th inning stretch and it is pretty clear that he doesn’t know the words to the classic “Take Me Out To The Ballgame”:
On the upside for Pippen… he and Larsa reportedly have a prenup, so that’s something. [via TMZ]
This Thai Guy
I’m not super experienced with sex toys, but I can’t imagine this is how it’s supposed to work.
A Thai man was using some kind of a small penis ring at home when it got stuck. Like so stuck that lubricant or a pair of pliers couldn’t get it off. So the man was taken by ambulance to a hospital in Bangkok (there’s got to be some irony in that city name for this story), where doctors had to spend three hours using a hacksaw and two-foot long bolt-cutters to remove the device.
According to volunteer rescue worker Jakchai Banyensakul, the 30-year-old (who is not being identified for obvious reasons) “was very sore afterwards and a bit embarrassed but thankful to still be able to use his penis properly.”
When are you guys going to learn to not put your penis where it doesn’t belong? [via Daily Mail UK]
Sometimes, people say dumb shit on Twitter. If your former ESPN analyst Skip Bayless, “sometimes” means more often than not. But on Sunday, one of Bayless’ tweets got him totally roasted by the Twitterverse.
Bayless was probably trying to be nice when he made this post:
Only problem? The Redskins didn’t win. After Bayless tweeted, Matt Stafford connected with Anquan Boldin, giving the Lions the 20-17 win. So, of course, the internet felt the need to fire back at Bayless:
The Lions even got in on the act:
Oh, I love the internet. You people crack me up. [via 12UP]
While his dad likes to toss around the occasional Spanish word like “hombre,” it became pretty obvious over the weekend that at least one member of the Trump member doesn’t have a grasp of the language.
Hillary supporters Annie and Ceci Cardelle, who are second-generation Americans of Cuban descent, decided to attend a rally hosted by Eric Trump in their hometown of Salisbury, North Carolina this weekend, because why the hell not? Annie decided to make a statement with her shirt, which read “Latina contra Trump,” which, if you passed high school Spanish, you know means “Latina against Trump.” So imagine the sister’s surprise when they were chosen to get a picture with Eric and wife Lara:
23-year-old Annie told Buzzfeed, “We weren’t protesting the fact that he’s a conservative or a Republican. We were protesting their particular treatment of Hispanics and Latino immigrants in this country.”
Her 17-year-old sister Ceci added, “We were kind of in disbelief that no one understood this protest. It really goes to show the lack of diversity in their team.”
A 32-year-old businessman got schooled by a couple of young women with a white t-shirt and a Sharpie? Classic. [via Buzzfeed]
Ohio State Football
As I’ve said before, I’m not a huge college football fan. But as I laid in bed Saturday night and watched the Ohio State/Penn State game, I picked sides for the most basic of reasons:
And I got my wish, when, with 4:27 left on the clock, Nittany Lions’ cornerback Grant Haley returned a blocked field goal 60 yards for a touchdown. The score put PSU up over OSU 24-21, and two sacks of Ohio State’s J.T. Barrett helped Penn State hold on to the lead, ending Ohio State’s 20-game road winning streak and likely dropping them out of the top 4 standings and the playoff picture (for now anyway).
How does the loss feel, Buckeyes? [via CBSNews] .
Image via YouTube