======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
A friend dropped this fact on me this weekend: there’s only one weekend left until Halloween, three weekends before Thanksgiving, seven weekends until Christmas, and eight weekends until the New Year. Which means, along with limited time to buy presents for practically everyone I’ve ever met, I have eight weeks to lose my final thirty pounds to reach my goal weight. So if you need me, I’ll be over here eating lettuce while brutally abusing my credit card on Amazon.
And how was my weekend, aside from the aforementioned weight loss/holiday shopping panic attack, you ask? That’s so kind of you. Frankly, I had a quiet weekend yet boring at home. But my beloved Patriots won over the Steelers and I actually got some things done, so I’ve got no complaints. At the very least, my boring weekend was better than these people’s.
Scottie Pippen
Pippen actually had a pretty crappy week heading into the weekend. The NBA Hall of Famer filed for divorce from his wife, Real Housewives of Miami‘s Larsa, after nineteen years together. After news of the impending divorce dropped, it was revealed that Miami police had been called twice over the last few weeks to the couple’s home for domestic incidents. So embarrassing himself in front of 40,000 or so Cubs fans probably wasn’t a big deal.
Someone decided to hand Pippen the mic during the 7th inning stretch and it is pretty clear that he doesn’t know the words to the classic “Take Me Out To The Ballgame”:
On the upside for Pippen… he and Larsa reportedly have a prenup, so that’s something. [via TMZ]
This Thai Guy
I’m not super experienced with sex toys, but I can’t imagine this is how it’s supposed to work.
A Thai man was using some kind of a small penis ring at home when it got stuck. Like so stuck that lubricant or a pair of pliers couldn’t get it off. So the man was taken by ambulance to a hospital in Bangkok (there’s got to be some irony in that city name for this story), where doctors had to spend three hours using a hacksaw and two-foot long bolt-cutters to remove the device.
According to volunteer rescue worker Jakchai Banyensakul, the 30-year-old (who is not being identified for obvious reasons) “was very sore afterwards and a bit embarrassed but thankful to still be able to use his penis properly.”
When are you guys going to learn to not put your penis where it doesn’t belong? [via Daily Mail UK]
Skip Bayless
Sometimes, people say dumb shit on Twitter. If your former ESPN analyst Skip Bayless, “sometimes” means more often than not. But on Sunday, one of Bayless’ tweets got him totally roasted by the Twitterverse.
Bayless was probably trying to be nice when he made this post:
Only problem? The Redskins didn’t win. After Bayless tweeted, Matt Stafford connected with Anquan Boldin, giving the Lions the 20-17 win. So, of course, the internet felt the need to fire back at Bayless:
The Lions even got in on the act:
Oh, I love the internet. You people crack me up. [via 12UP]
Eric Trump
While his dad likes to toss around the occasional Spanish word like “hombre,” it became pretty obvious over the weekend that at least one member of the Trump member doesn’t have a grasp of the language.
Hillary supporters Annie and Ceci Cardelle, who are second-generation Americans of Cuban descent, decided to attend a rally hosted by Eric Trump in their hometown of Salisbury, North Carolina this weekend, because why the hell not? Annie decided to make a statement with her shirt, which read “Latina contra Trump,” which, if you passed high school Spanish, you know means “Latina against Trump.” So imagine the sister’s surprise when they were chosen to get a picture with Eric and wife Lara:
23-year-old Annie told Buzzfeed, “We weren’t protesting the fact that he’s a conservative or a Republican. We were protesting their particular treatment of Hispanics and Latino immigrants in this country.”
Her 17-year-old sister Ceci added, “We were kind of in disbelief that no one understood this protest. It really goes to show the lack of diversity in their team.”
A 32-year-old businessman got schooled by a couple of young women with a white t-shirt and a Sharpie? Classic. [via Buzzfeed]
Ohio State Football
As I’ve said before, I’m not a huge college football fan. But as I laid in bed Saturday night and watched the Ohio State/Penn State game, I picked sides for the most basic of reasons:
And I got my wish, when, with 4:27 left on the clock, Nittany Lions’ cornerback Grant Haley returned a blocked field goal 60 yards for a touchdown. The score put PSU up over OSU 24-21, and two sacks of Ohio State’s J.T. Barrett helped Penn State hold on to the lead, ending Ohio State’s 20-game road winning streak and likely dropping them out of the top 4 standings and the playoff picture (for now anyway).
How does the loss feel, Buckeyes? [via CBSNews] .
Image via YouTube
Respond
Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
I’m sure Eric Trump doesn’t give a shit. The only people that are bigger losers than supporters who attend political rallies are the people who “protest” at them.
I quiet my office job and now I am getting paid 126 Dollars hourly. How? I work-over internet! My old work DZw was making me miserable,so I was forced to try-something different. 4 years after. ..I can say my life is changed completely for the better! Check it out what i do.. GOOD LUCK………http://tinyurl.com/hr8475n
How does one quiet an office job? Did you hang up a sign reminding people to use head phones? I just can’t figure out how this would lead to a party raise.
Pay*. How many comments, of arguable worth, have to be ruined by not paying attention to autocorrect before you give us an edit button? Have you no decency?
Turning the Penn St game off after the 3rd quarter. PGP
I love watching OSU lose. I don’t care who beats them, I just like seeing their fans miserable because they’re the worst fanbase.
The tears of Ohio State fans bring me endless joy. I’m actually almost enjoying my Monday solely because of that loss.
Them, Norte Dame, Tennessee, and Texas are always on my “I hope they lose every game” list solely because of their fans.
Don’t forget USC
Lately that’s been easy to do.
I live and grew up in Columbus and HATE Ohio State. Saturday night was joyous to me.
Yea, you’re definitely going to hell now.
I don’t think there was ever a question about that.
Honorary sixth person: Clayton Kershaw. At least he’ll (possibly) be remembered as the guy the Cubs beat to go to their first World Series in 71 years. And as one of the biggest career postseason chokers in baseball history.
coming from the guy who doesn’t make $32 million a year
Well when you put it that way, no one in sports actually “loses” because they’ll all richer than we’ll ever be.
They’re*
I have to say it: anyone who is a Walking Dead fan. You want Sunday Scaries? Watch last night’s episode right before you go to bed.
I think I might stop watching that show. There are only so many times I can see the exact same story line on a show.
I am still completely traumatized. Made me glad that I’m pretty sure I would die in the first wave of a zombie apocalypse.
My wife was in tears and after looking at Facebook this morning, she clearly wasn’t the only one. I understand having to kill off the good guys every once in a while, but holy shit. That was too much. Way too fucking much. I didn’t cry, but I didn’t get to sleep until like 3-4 hours before I had to get up to go to work. I don’t know if we’ll stop watching the show, but Negan better die in a way that tests the limits of what the FCC will allow on TV.
They’re clearly going towards the comic storyline which means the FCC will definitely be tested.
Eh, I was hoping the entire cast would get their noggins pulverized, they’re absolutely the most inept zombie apocalypse survivors ever devised.
Eddie Jackson from Alabama. Poor kid just gets back after missing most football with knee injury, to end up breaking his leg in TX A&M game.
As a Buckeye, that loss hurt in a place that I can’t even mention. That was worse than the Michigan State loss last year. In other news, the Cubs are going to the World Series!
Hell yeah! Go Cubs Go!
At least you answer the prayers that matter.
A Chicago cubs and osu fan? Bandwagon much?
Born in Ohio and my Great Grandmother was a Cubs fan and was raised to be one.
We Are
I’d argue that the Vikings’ loss rivals anything else on the list this week. I’ve got Johnny Cash’s “Hurt” on repeat and I’m sitting alone in the dark in my basement with a bottle of whisky as I type this.
I was in the stands and on the field for the PSU victory. Good weekend. Good weekend.