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Last night, I found myself with a wet beard from the tears that came down my face while watching the end of When Harry Met Sally. Needless to say, I was in bad shape. On the heels of an entire weekend of SXSW mayhem coupled with our first event, Saved By The Brunch, on Sunday morning, my Sunday Scaries were real.
After buying $34.99 worth of soup and pressed juices at the grocery store yesterday in order to nurse myself back to health, I realized I need something more. I need to dip into a tradition that has been long forgotten since 2014. I needed to hear the awful things everyone did this weekend so I could feel better about myself.
Normally, we reserve this time for Panic Rooms. But that simply wasn’t going to be enough. Let’s sort through the dumbest things people did this weekend. Names have been redacted to protect the innocent.
This creepy guy was trying to dance with me last night and was a total creep and then tried to get my phone number. Instinctively, I gave him the phone # of a past hook up. Attached is the response I received.
The screenshot she sent me can be found here.
Diabolical move to not only use a number that isn’t her number, but to use a number of a past fling to show that she’s still got dudes vying for her.
Went to an after hours club and did some coke Friday. Went home with a girl. Slept with her. She left around 5pm Saturday. Creeped her on social media and realized she has a boyfriend. Girl I’m seeing came over at 8, made her dinner and then fell asleep on the couch when she went to the washroom. Spilled wine all over myself in the process.
Is it bad that the most ridiculous part of this entire thing is that the girl lingered at his place until 5 p.m. the following day? I don’t like hanging out with my best friends for that long, let alone someone I just met.
Just finished a ski vacation with my Dad. Start a new job tomorrow. Haven’t moved into my new place so I’m living in Air B&Bs for the next three weeks. Had “the talk” with my girlfriend today.
Might be the worst Sunday of my life.
You started off so, so well only to spiral completely and somehow make my Sunday Scaries even worse.
I drove an hour and a half to go out with friends then bailed to hang out with and hook up with a guy i met in a bar in February 2016. It was my first time seeing him since the time we met. Over a year ago. Oops
Hey, everyone’s gotta get their piece of the pie every once in a while.
This morning I threw up in a flower bed as I was walking up to our bagel shop. Worst part was it was in front of a family who clearly had just left church.
Not terrible, but definitely embarrassing.
Well, you were letting the devil out of you in your own special way.
The worst thing I did this weekend was on Saturday night when I ate Daytona Beach chicken strips from Hooters for dinner, then drank four different craft beers and smoked a cigar during the PAC 12 Championship game. I didn’t feel okay after the game but I woke up without a hangover.
This isn’t even all that bad but you’re playing with fire when you start mixing and matching microbrews after dominating a whole meal of food from Hooters.
Post wedding bar crawl and I was getting shots for my friends. I didn’t want to start a tab because I was trying to be responsible, so I signed the receipt but walked away before getting my card back. Yay for not getting that 20% fee but still stupid.
Hey, your heart was in the right place and that’s all that matters.
After a few weeks of weird tension and missed ‘u up?’ texts, a friend (of a friend) and I finally hooked up. What was my prize for taking a shot? None other than a brutal UTI. Awesome. I wasn’t aware that dudes could even acquire such a disease in this fashion. I’m not sure if this is her fault. It probably is not.
No one ever said that tossing out “u up?” texts was going to end well. And honestly, a UTI is probably the best-case scenario when you think of everything else that could’ve gone down.
Got to the airport 3 hours before my flight for some reason, so I proceeded to drink while watching basketball and racked up a $120 bar tab and was on the line of black out. Left my carry on in the terminal and had to run off the plane to get it. People were not amused. Also let my phone die and didn’t have a charging cord (was too drunk to realize I could buy one in the airport) so had to borrow a random person’s iPhone to call my ride home. All in all a fairly standard Friday night.
Dude, what? This is like you took everything that could possibly go wrong at an airport only to make it ten times worse for yourself by not just pulling your head out of your ass. Don’t feel too bad about it, though, you’re all safe and sound. Hopefully.
Yesterday I went straight from bottomless drinks at brunch to the brewery, blacked out and didn’t make it out to the bars on one of my two nights in New York. Took a late flight out today and now getting back home after 11:30 p.m. on Sunday. Panic time.
The worst possible thing you could ever do is schedule any sort of flight after 2 p.m. on a Sunday. You need to get in, get out, and get in your own bed before you become crippled with anxiety. .
Check out yesterday’s live recording of Touching Base during Saved By The Brunch on iTunes and SoundCloud.
Worse Weekends Than You
This is a recurring PGP series. Catch up with all installments of Worse Weekends Than You by visiting the archive.