When news broke that Chipotle was giving away free food on January 26, I immediately cleared my schedule for January 26th and began preparing my stomach for max consumption by loading it up with water and vegetables. In an effort to promote their new sofritas protein option, Chipotle is offering FREE burritos, bowls and salads for anyone who orders sofritas on January 26th. What is sofritas? Don’t freak out, but it’s vegan-friendly tofu. I know, I know. But free Chipotle is free fucking Chipotle, you goon. Free Chipotle comes around once in a blue moon.

You still have to pay for the sofritas, but once the purchase is made, you will get a bounceback coupon good for a free entree item, redeemable between January 27 and February 28. Sounds like a deal to me.

I actually tried the sofritas a couple of weeks ago out of sheer curiosity, and in all honesty, it wasn’t that bad. The spices and peppers Chipotle simmers it in makes it tasty and the consistency is that of a hard boiled egg. I can’t wait to turn this “vegan” option into a fat filled masterpiece come the end of the month. Gonna put as much dairy and fat into that thing as I can. Cheese, sour cream, guac, all of the sauces and fixins. Might even go full quesarito. Won’t even be able to taste that slow cooked non-GMO rabbit food. It’ll basically be like one giant last Chipotle bite. You know, that bite that’s just full of rice, cheese, sour cream and sauce? Yeah. That’s the shit I like.

You can’t try to trick me into eating healthy, Chipotle. You tried, but I will prevail and will be back to claim my free chicken and steak burrito WITH guac.


[via City Pages]

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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