Looking for a place to live in Chicago? Do you look, sound and act like John Stamos circa 1987? Well, have we got a place for you!

Two gentlemen living in the Roscoe Village neighborhood of Chicago are looking for a very specific kind of roommate.

Here’s the text:

“My fellow heterosexual friend and I are looking for a roommate that looks similar to John Stamos to become the Jesse in our lives. We’re two 30 year old dudes both originally from the south suburbs of chicago.”

It’s actually a bit of a heartwarming story, in a strange, strange way: One of the guys just had a daughter and he’s moving in with one of his friends, and they’re looking for a third gentleman to bring their Full House fantasy to life.

I’m a bit concerned about how successful they’ll be; if people could just place an Ad and order up a John Stamos lookalike, the rest of us Danny/Joey-looking bastards would be single for the rest of our lives. Thankfully, that’s not an option, and women all over the world are forced to settle for the rest of us.

They’re really committed to this bit as well, and are insistent that their “Jesse” must:

“Be of Greek Descent
Know how to play the guitar/drums
Have great hair
Be obsessed with Elvis Presley
Also be good with Children because just like Full House you will need to take an active part in raising my child.
Whenever you pick up the phone you must say “Talk to me”
When things aren’t going your way you must say ” Have Mercy””

Kimmy Gibblers need NOT apply.

[Via DNAInfo Chicago]