I’m too new at this to be this tired of it already. PGP.

Please don’t hold the elevator. I’d rather wait than say “good morning.” PGP.

I had a panicked dream that I couldn’t find parking, missed my business flight, and didn’t have money for a flight change at the airport. I don’t even travel for work. PGP.

Got to work early today so I sat in my car until I was late. PGP.

Found out they’re moving me to Omaha. PGP.

Looking up expensive vacations that you can’t afford. PGP.

I’m one “reply all” email away from a mental breakdown. PGP.

Just asked my intern what I’m supposed to be doing. PGP.

My friends wont give me their work emails. PGP.

Only shitting when on the clock. PGPM.

My doctor is making me take fish oil for high triglyceride levels. I’m 23. PGP.

That conference call was so productive I found four jobs to apply for. PGP.

I just want someone to help me pay rent and also have sex with. PGP.

Completed a 26.2 episode marathon. Special thanks to Netflix for believing in me. PGP.

Ate half a frozen pepperoni pizza for lunch with a side of ranch. Still not the lowest point of my day. PGP.

Netflix is my homepage. PGP.

“Starting at 6 a.m. won’t be a problem will it?” Worst lie I ever told. PGP.

I took off work because it’s too cold. PGP.

Job hunting and apartment hunting at the same time. PGP.

Getting more action in the stock market than the bedroom. PGP.