Using pre-workout in office because coffee just doesn’t cut it anymore. PGP.

Entering liquor on my fitness pal. PGP.

Threw out some vodka in my freezer to make room for Hot Pockets. PGP.

Ferris Bueller is turning 53. PGP.

Totally effin’ stoked to get an hour of extra sleep when the time changes this weekend. PGP.

The last two girls I dated have gotten engaged to the guy after me. PGP.

Thinking of using the staple gun on your hand just so you can feel something..anything. PGP.

Internet Explorer is our default browser and I can’t change it. PGP.

“We’re sorry, but AT&T U-Verse is not available in your area.” PGP.

“I didn’t have any problems until the IT guy got a hold of my computer.” PGP.

Secretly hoping the plastic bottle vodka gag gift makes it around to you in the company gift exchange. PGP.

Getting caught using the handicap stall when an actual handicapped coworker comes rolling in. PGP.

Every time I have to use an exclamation point in an email, I die a little inside. PGP.

My boss told me to take it easy this weekend. PGP.

Found out my old middle school bully works at Starbucks. I go there twice a week in a suit. PGP.

At least they took the time to send a rejection email. PGP.

My mother still doesn’t know what I do for a living. PGP.

The only productive thing I’ve done today is download iOS 8. PGP.

My bank account sits at -$13.47. I am worth negative one medium, no topping pizza. PGP.

When your weekend plans are either “catch up on sleep” or “get blackout drunk”. PGP.