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Lately, and I don’t think I’m alone in this, I’ve been seeing a lot of negativity about the state of our wonderful country. If you watch the news, it’s like watching the USA remix of “99 Problems.” Riots and civil unrest everywhere, overseas threats, feuding political parties, a goddamn Ebola scare, and then a subsequent backlash for getting so scared of Ebola. Things haven’t seemed to have been on their A-game for the Stars and Stripes. Based on social media and the national news, national pride seems to be on somewhat of a downswing, and sometimes that’s pretty upsetting. If you’re like me, and sometimes you just feel a little down about the lack of morale about the country, just remember why you should be feeling exactly the opposite.
Because America, that’s why.
At least once a day, you see some example of lack of fucks given badassery, or gluttony, all justified by the phrase “Because America.” Whether it’s a grilled cheese sandwich covered in bacon, or an unsafe kegstand on a 4th floor balcony, it’s all acceptable and a perfect showcase of freedom, Because America goddammit. I beam with pride for my country when I see someone post a video of a freakshow on the news that’s destined to get the clown a million dollar show on TLC, all Because America.
What other country can excuse outlandish food, behavior, and its dumbest/most ingenious citizens simply by saying it’s because of our country. Now, I don’t have many foreigners on my social media outlets, but I’m not seeing anyone else namedropping their country as a source of pride for allowing whatever they’re doing to occur. What other country can pride itself on its ability to allow their citizens to take freedom to a whole new level, all because they’re blessed to live in the greatest damn fifty states on the planet.
You can’t get this kind of pride anywhere else, it just doesn’t work. “I just got told to see a dentist, Because England,” or “I’m a pale alcoholic, Because Ireland,” or even “My money is absolutely worthless, and my life is in shambles, Because Greece.” Doesn’t have the same beautiful ring to as throwing the Stars and Stripes out there to justify the fact that you just blacked out at a wedding and fell into their multi-cheese nacho fountain, now does it? No matter how generally frowned upon your activity may be to a more cultured and uptight group of people, our beautiful nation lets to you name drop the shit out of it and takes pride in your ability to take a Happy Gilmore cut with your ball teed up in your buddies mouth, because freedom allows it.
Things aren’t always smooth sailing in the USA, which is true with anywhere in the world. We are gonna argue and disagree, and sometimes it seems like we’re all just on different pages. Despite all that, our sense of admiration for this great country that we are so fortunate to live in shines through every day, because while sometimes we don’t agree on a presidential candidate, marriage rights, or if Lil B can actually curse people, dammit if we don’t agree that America is the perfect place to enjoy a hot dog covered 1,300 calories worth of toppings..
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Kyle Bandujo
The artist formerly known as Crash Davis. My kid doesn't think I'm funny.
@kylebandujo
@bandujokyle
kyle.bandit
Haven’t really had a freedom boner since I last visited TFM. Honestly, this boner just feels special. Because America.
Woke up hungover, read this and am now pounding bud heavy all day #BecauseAmerica
As the great Kenny Powers once said, “Sure, I’ve been called a xenophobe, but the truth is, I’m not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and the other countries aren’t as good. That used to be called patriotism.”
Anyone is now free to marry anyone in all parts of this great country. Let the parties commence, and let freedom ring! #BecauseAmerica
But the military industrial couplex has an annual budget of $700 Billion while our education system crumbles, never mind the fact that we house the poorest generation on record (in America) due to educational debt where almost 70% of that money paid toward education loans goes to the military and defense contractors. We who fund everything, never get to reap the rewards from the profits made all while our infrastructure is failing along with our social benefits. We’re the generation who’s retirement plan is looking like a cancer diagnosis with a 401K that’s gonna be used to cover the costs of treatment but don’t worry hot dogs are cool I guess, just remember to polish off a few dozen beers to forget about the fact that the people who run this place don’t give a fuck about you.
You can vote too but that’s starting to look like a competition of choice between Coke and Pepsi; same ingredients just different colors and different corporate interests, both equally bad for you….Because America.
Yeah this guy gets it, hot dogs are cool.
Oh my God please kill yourself before you can breed.
Don’t get me wrong, we’re free to an extent but come on, these are facts not opinions…do some digging and you’ll find out some not some glamorous things.
No country or political system is perfect. I think America does it better than anyone else. If you don’t think America is the greatest country in the world, please move to the one you feel is better so I don’t have to deal with your bullshit.
Did I ever say that it wasn’t? You have to take a hard look at the things you love and asses it from there. You can’t just blindly support everything when there are facts out there that paint a different picture. You’re in marketing so you should know what it’s like to find results. What I said was not based on opinion at all, it’s happening in real time.
Ok, quit acting like you know me and like you know what you’re talking about, because you don’t. I don’t blindly support anything. I love my country even though I don’t love my government, and I just wanted to read about another dude who loves his country without some egotistical hippie douche telling me to “like, look at the big picture, man.”
I’m not acting like I know you, and I don’t want to. What I said is out there for you to find, that’s all. I love this country too, and I loved reading this column. Why can’t I comment on something? You did and I didn’t bash you for it like you did to me. I’m not a hippie at all, and I don’t think I know everything so like you said, don’t act like you know me.
Dude kindly fuck off to literally anywhere else in the world, you will come crawling back. Quit being a bitch.
I feel like this just highlights the ignorance that epitomizes your country. The rest of the world looks at you idiots and shakes our head. You think you’re the greatest country in the world, but you aren’t. Sure you have pride in your country but in reality you are so busy being proud you can’t see the problems. Granted that every country has problems, but not to the same extent. Obesity, violence, a tanking economy, low academic scores…you get the gist.
In Canada we do use “because Canada eh” to illustrate truly Canadian things. However those things are usually super polite or helpful or well…dripping in maple syrup. We don’t celebrate our failings as a society. So congrats on that. You’re a bunch of selfish, greedy, ignorant morons…because America!
Wolves don’t lose sleep over the opinions of sheep or canadians.
Might makes right. Suck it.
This is an ignorant statement to make. I know Canadians along with a number of foreigners who have immigrated to the USA and really prospered and love America. All my family lives overseas and I have travelled enough to know Italians like Americans vs French not so much and so on. Also, who are you referring to when you say America? There are locations like N.Y. and L.A. which are VERY different than New Orleans or Nashville. We have foreigners from all over the world, 10th generation citizens, wall street type financiers, southerners, farmers, west coast Californians, and so on. We are ALL terrible and stupid? Our capital looks like it was designed by the gods and the pioneers of our country were ingenius. We are still an economic superpower, a leader in innovation, and the strongest military power in the world. There are issues with health care, credit, education, etc. But we have our freedom, equality, and access to excellent services. With as much as Canada invests in entrepeneurship and technology, you’d think Canada was actually adopting practices more like the USA.
West Coast Californians? Are there East Coast Californians somewhere?
Its complicated
Are you kidding me? The rest of the world likes to act like we’re these massive, misogynistic, racist assholes when both are far more common even in Europe than here. There are still parts of Belgium and other European countries that practice de facto segregation in schools, for crying out loud. It’s absolutely absurd. You know what the rest of the world thinks of Canada? Oh, that’s right. They don’t.
I’m pretty sure most people think that their country is the best country in the world, so why are you criticizing us for having just as much pride and love for our country as you do for yours?
Are you serious? I like anglo canada and mexico but you guys know youre the buns on the north american burger. Plus do you realize maine is just a chunk of canada that the usa decided it should have? So thanks and good luck with everything.
You guys know you’re a worldwide joke right? I don’t think you know how the rest of the world sees you but it isn’t as a strong proud nation. It’s as fat, ignorant, gun-toting, bible-thumping, misogynistic a-holes. So you guys go suck on that.
Sure, and when Putun finally loses his mind and decides Crimea isn’t enough, the world will come crying for us to save them, again. And we will, because America. So please, try and step far enough back to literally fuck your own face.
You realize how irrelevant Canada is, right? Hell, most of your population is on the U.S. border because your country is a piece of shit ice box that hasn’t given the world anything.
Why the fuck would anybody in America care what Canadians, or citizens of any other country think??