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I can’t pretend I didn’t go out this weekend. You can see it in my face. Empty eyes, dehydrated, a couple bruises that I don’t know the first thing about — it’s not good. Has it been a while since I did back-to-back nights out? Yes. Will I be taking the next month off? Probably. Did I have a serious case of Sunday Scaries last night? Oh, you know it.
I’ll be frank — yesterday’s episode of The Sunday Scaries Podcast was a heater. It had everything — rules for drinking on Sunday, cheese plates, and why we’re entering the greatest fashion season there is.
Buckle in, listen, and let your Scaries wash away.
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into this weekend’s crop of stories. As always, you can send your own to will@grandex.co — I keep everything anonymous and try not to judge too hard. Original stories in quotes below.
LTFT, these stories always make me feel better about myself on Monday!
Downloaded Tinder a few weeks ago, started a lot of conversations with guys and finally decided to pull the trigger and actually meet up with one of them over Labor Day Weekend. The first date was great, the guy and I got along really well and that led to us hanging out on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Didn’t sleep together, only kissed and I was really feeling proud of myself.
While we were hanging out one of the days, I had mentioned this bike bar my friend had told me about. They have timed bike races in the bar on Thursday nights and this guy seemed stoked about it. We texted throughout the week and I invited him to join me on Thursday night for the bike races. He was all about it, kept telling me how excited he was and he couldn’t wait.
Thursday rolls around, he is having dinner with his grandma but he will pick me up afterwards. Texts me a bit later, says he is running late and his phone battery is low so I send him my address and he once again “can’t wait to see me and will be there soon!”
DUDE NEVER SHOWS UP. Haven’t heard from him since, hoping that he didn’t die on the way to my house but also kind of hoping he is in the hospital and didn’t just straight up ghost me like a dick.
Well, that’s bizarre. It’s one thing to cancel last minute, but just ghosting completely before anything even happens seems a little weird. Have you Googled yourself lately? You never know what may pop up. Or maybe he did. Let’s just say he died.
LTFT, you know the deal. After this week I can in fact confirm that sober scaries are the worst scaries. Currently sitting in my cube on a Monday morning with no desire to live since I got back from my vacation in the UK. Oh yeah, and I got back five days ago. AND it was for a wedding. Nothing like making me feel even worse about myself than going to a friend’s nuptials in a castle in England (it was pretty dope though, I had a great time—worth all the credit card debt).
Anywho, once the wedding date was set, one of my best friends from college and I set forth to plan our trip to Ireland and England. Ireland for a few days before the wedding, England for the rest of the trip. A total of 10 days abroad. Sounds simple enough, right? Wrong.
Everything started great. My friend and I tear it up in Dublin. We rent a car and I drive us to Galway, about a 2 hour trip (Galway is awesome and I highly recommend). Also, that shit is TERRIFYING. I never want to drive on the other side of the road again. For once the US got something right.
After Galway, things go downhill almost immediately. You know how they say that it’s not always a good idea to live with your best friends? The same can be applied to traveling. Needless to say, I wanted to kill her less than halfway through the trip.
Despite this, we make it to the wedding, have a blast, and it’s time to head home. I’m thrilled we are in different terminals so I don’t have to spend any more time with her than I have to, but I’m still pretty stressed out and looking forward to finally being home. Need a vacation from my vacation. I know I sound like whiny bitch, but I was going nuts.
Fast forward 8 hours and my flight from London finally lands in Philly (Go Birds!). I went from beautiful 75 degree weather to being slapped in the face with 100 degree heat plus humidity. Great.
I Uber home, only to find out that I have a fucking flat tire. Could put the donut on, but I need a whole new set of tires anyway and I was putting it off. Now I’m out a couple hundred bucks that I don’t have for the new set on TOP of the couple grand I spend abroad. Oops.
After dealing with this and not murdering anyone, I spill piping hot coffee all over myself the following morning on the drive to my first day back at work. I have to turn around to change and now I’m late.
It’s now been five days and I still have no motivation to do anything in my commission-based job. Send help.
If this doesn’t make it, I understand. Mostly had to get it all out of my system.
Story time. I once went to Mexico for Christmas and had some travel issues while returning. After sitting on the damn runway for what felt like three hours, we finally diverted to Houston rather than Austin. A three-hour drive home from Houston, we finally arrive where I left my car before vacation and it’s about 3 a.m. at this point. I’m already hating life because I’m no longer basking in the sun on a beach, but then I see my car — completely side-swiped. The asshole who did it had the decency to throw my side mirror into the middle of the yard I was parked in front of, but left zero note or indication of wrongdoing. I screamed so loud that I thought my eardrums were going to explode.
So, yeah, what I’m saying is that I’m with you. I feel your pain.
Hello Will,
LTFT, certainly thought I was too vanilla to ever have something worthy to send your way, but here I am, 8 pm on a Thursday in the international terminal in Sydney, Australia.
A few buddies and I made the decision to make a quick hop down under, because credit cards exist for a reason. We get to Sydney, and it has been 4 days of pure debauchery. I am so scared to check my balance I literally deleted my banking app off my phone, that’s a problem for future me. Also, apparently when I’m black out hammered, I find the quickest Uber to take me to a brothel (Shouts to Australia for having legal whorehouses.) Two nights in a row I black out, suddenly black in to being in velvet covered rooms with someone counting the seconds until they don’t have to smell my liquor sweats anymore.
Oof.
Gonna drink the bar cart empty on this 16 hour flight back home. T’s and P’s requested, or a 12 gauge to my dome.
Sincerely,
I hate myself
Side note: Okay, everyone, let’s limit “LTFT” and “Ts and Ps” for a couple weeks.
I mean, I’m not sure what you want me to tell you here. I know I said I don’t judge, but I also didn’t forecast anyone going to Aussie whorehouses so I really can’t help much.
I wish I could tell you that I have this great drunken story but this one is a little different.
I just got back (on a Thursday night) from a week of being on the road for work. My boss has given me the okay for a long weekend as a job well done the past week. I walk into my apartment excitedly ready to be back in my own space. As soon as I open the door this awful smell hits me. I think to myself, “what could I have possibly left out that would smell this awful?” That’s when I round the corner and see it. On the floor or my kitchen are 2 frozen dinner meals, now thawed and my freezer door wide open. Before leaving my apartment on Sunday I put large package of chicken breast I didn’t get to cook into my fully stocked freezer. I guess the package shifted and the weight opened the door of the freezer. Also, included in my fully stocked freezer, my last 5lbs of deer meat I was saving for chili season. So you can imagine the smell. Needless to say, my last 2 hours have been spent throwing everything in my fridge/freezer away (I live in a 3rd floor apartment) and scrubbing down my freezer cleaning up God knows what was stuck to the bottom of it. My weekend can only get better, right?
Feel free to suggest some scented candle recs my way because I have every one I could find burning.
I’m absolutely gutted about this deer meat for chili season. That’s the worst news I’ve heard in weeks.
If you need some fall scented candle recs, look no further than Episode 014 of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
My personal favorite from that recommendations list is the Ernesto candle — copped one last week and have been waiting for the temperature to dip so I can justify burning it.
Hey Will,
I’ve waited about half a year to send this one because a) I want to get away from this one and b) I keep forgetting to send it in.
Ok, I’ll get into it. My cousin moved down to Chicago, where I’ve been living for the past two years. We decide to meet up for brunch. As he is actually set up in his career and I was a lowly grad student at the time, he helped out with finding an all you can eat, all you can drink brunch place. It was amazing. The crowning achievement of this establishment was never ending mimosas. The server really earned his tip coming around every 15 minutes filling up our glasses with champagne even when there was like an inch of juice in the glass. By the time we left brunch, I was drunk off of probably 2 bottles of champs.
After brunch, we decide to get shots. Of tequila. On top of those, we get margaritas and make friends with the bartender. As we leave we decide to hit one more bar. I’m fall down drunk at this point and know I’m gonna get sick.
I say goodbye to my cousin and his girlfriend, and grab a lyft. It is then that my day turns bad. On Lake Shore Drive I realize I have to puke. I tell the driver, she gives me a PAPER bag and stops the car. We were 1 mile from my apartment.
I wake up 4 hours later on my couch after my blackout self decided to not make it to the bed with a cleanup charge from lyft and an alert saying I didn’t have enough funds in my account to cover it.
Also, I spent that Sunday cleaning up my winter coat and boots because I didn’t have the best aim when I got sick. Also, I lost my Love Your Melon hat at one of the bars.
Great story, horrible experience.
It’s such a blessing that I was never a big puker. Drunk, hungover, whatever, puking just has never been anything I do. While I do theorize it makes your hangovers better, I’m still glad my esophogus doesn’t take the beating that it would if I was just getting rid of my demons in the back of an Uber.
Next time put your Venmo in the worst weekend story so everyone can crowdfund your mistakes.
I went back to my Alma mater and my flight home doesn’t leave until 7pm. Texas is back tho so there’s some good news
…and a follow up.
Oh no will. It’s happening. Delayed 1hr45. Help. Pls.
Always. take. the. early. flight. We’ve gone over this.
Fooled around and fell in love.
But seriously, just got into a long distance relationship.
This was kind of sweet but long distance relationships are, uh, tough. Listen to this episode on them. I know, I know, I’m a complete shill for the podcast today but you guys are honestly teeing me up for it. That’s more on you than it is on me.
What’s up Will, medium time first time. Really enjoy the work with PGP & the pods.
Florence (that bitch) directly impacted my new town so I left in the middle of last week to work remotely and stay with my now ex long distance gf of over a year. Things had been rough and we’d been fighting lately so it was not the best move but I thought fuck it. Cue a very messy breakup Friday night/Saturday morning. So, I take a long depressing drive contemplating everything wrong with my life on Saturday for a city in between, which also happens to house a major college. All while seeing pics and vids of my town underwater. As I’m getting ready (see Ryan Fitzpatrick postgame wardrobe) to partake in some self- and ex- loathing debauchery in said college town, bosses from the company start hitting me up about going back early tomorrow while everything is still a mess. I’m heading out to make poor life decisions as I write this from the HS burner, either way things are not looking good for Monday.
…and another follow-up.
update: I find out the rooftop bar at my expensive hotel is fucking closed on Sundays and also I’m back on the dip. I don’t want to hear any white trash hating from you people in the comments, half of you smoke cigs.
Well this got dark. Also, why are you so defensive about dipping right now? I’m not necessarily advocating tobacco use, but pretty much every 16-year-old to 22-year-old Juuls, so.
t’s 10:58 pm EST. I just woke up in my bed fully clothed from a bottomless mimosa brunch that turned into a trip to a beer garden that turned into me falling asleep at the table and getting put into an Uber home at an undetermined time, I want to say 4 o’clock?
I have to get up for work in 8 hours and I am wide awake. Dear god.
Hey man, we’ve all been there. Who hasn’t passed out on a Sunday at a beer garden after bottomless mimos? No one? Bueller? Bueller? Okay, whatever. Don’t sweat it — just improve as the week goes on. See you guys next week — same time, same place. .
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
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will@grandex.co
wow, very tame batch this week. Not sure if I’m proud or disappointed
The squad is evolving.
I predict big things in two or three weeks time. Beer fests galore, homecoming / college football rivalry games, the changing of the leaves indicating it’s time to enjoy those last few weekends of patio drinking, cusp of cuffing season. You get the idea.
Whiskey and heavy beer szn is coming
If you are going to say LTFT, at least sign off with a “I’ll hang up and listen” to bring the bit full circle
A lot of y’all need to get your finances together, tip keep a separate account with at least $1000 dollars in it as there’s not a lot that it won’t cover, also stop saying LTFT
This right here. I have a checking/savings at one bank, and a “leisure” bank account elsewhere. I transfer over a few hundred each paycheck into the leisure account. Its used for fun and groceries. Other is used for bills and saving. If I run out of funds on my leisure account no biggie. The other bright side to this is you dont use your real bank account at sketchy places so you need not worry about someone skimming your card and cleaning you out.
But… but how will I keep up with my other highly leveraged friends if I have to put 5% in a savings account every month??
How much is an uber cleaning fee? A couple hundred dollars? Do grown ups really not have $300 in the bank?
Yes because we’re millenials and live paycheck to paycheck while spending all our money on craft beers and avocado toast. $300 is like…20 orders of avocado toast.
$160
Source: personal experience
It depends on how big of a mess you made.
Piecing the Florence evac story together, sounds like ole boy stopped off in Greenville on the way back to Wilmington and if so, there is no place on Earth better to go after a breakup.
Auto. Draft. Protection. You can even (at most institutions) hook up your ADP (TM) to your CC. You’ll get butt hammered for a fee but your bills will be paid and you can deal with your shame and scaries in private. This assumes you still participate in the banking system and haven’t converted all your currency to precious metals, looking at you Nived I know you’re reading.
Traveled South East Asia for three weeks with one of my best friends from college. Two things I heard before we left from our buddies was. 1.) “Who let you two go to that part of the world together?” this was because we become un-tethered when we’re left to our own devices and drugs or alcohol is involved. 2.) You two are going to hate each other by the end. Happy to say we didn’t fight once and it’s awesome knowing that I have someone that I can travel that far and long with while being civil. First thing everyone said was right though.
“Texas is back tho”
Hahahahahahahahaha nah, they’re def not
At least flat tire guy drives, I assume, a compact car as I can’t imagine another scenario where a new set of tires only set you back a couple hundred bucks
You can get a solid foursome (giggity) for a full size from Discount Tire for $450.
Going to Chicago next week for work and then staying to explore Wednesday-Sunday (early flight duh). Any recommendations for ratcheting up my itinerary?
If the cubs have a home game you need to go to Sluggers in Wrigleyville. Also Old Crow in wrigleyville is extremely ratchet if you’re into live country music bars
Lottie’s, Stout, LG’s for a good time. Hangge Uppe or Beaumont’s for a ridiculous time.
I’ve got some great recommendations. hit me up on twitter