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We are constantly reminded on social media and in online columns that dating in the Tinder Age is a dumpster fire. I am as guilty as anyone about this and I know – you get it, get over it.
Regardless, it is a truth, and because of that I am shocked that the solution of “the marriage pact” is rarely spoken of. If you’re not familiar with the term, it is when you and a friend, a paramour, or even an ex of your preferred sex (not here to judge) promise to marry each other with the condition that both parties are single at some arbitrary age.
Most women I’ve spoken to about this pick when they turn 30 because that’s apparently the magic number before meltdown for much of the female population. “I cannot be single at 30,” they cry.
I have mixed feelings about marriage pacts even after being offered one. I think that you are either settling or you’re putting off the right person so you can sow your wild oats.
Most likely the former.
As a guy, it’s tougher for me to understand because I don’t have the biological clock factor going for me, although some studies show a man has a biological clock as well.
For men over 40, data shows that the risk of birth defects for your future children increases significantly, and there are also additional risks if both parents are over 35. Word to the wise, fellas. Don’t take your swimmers for granted.
Anyway, besides babies and vanity, what are the real drivers behind a marriage pact? Is it just that trying is too difficult? I think you’ll find more quality partners out in the wild, but that’s just me still in the hunt. Risk/reward and all that. Swiping is easy. Too easy. And too deceptive. So, setting up a pact with someone you know well, trust, and are comfortable with is an interesting proposition. It’s not something you’ll take lightly anyways. It’ll be someone you can see yourself with and find attractive.
I don’t know, I hate the idea of settling. Either you marry that person on the spot or you’re not that serious. The merits of the concept are obvious, given the time factor as you get older, and as the old saying goes, “At this point, if I’m going to get married, I probably already know her (or him).”
Hopefully, they don’t have a venereal disease.
On the other side of the coin, the idea that there might be something better out there troubles me. about Is there a higher probability of infidelity among people married through these “pacts”? What if one sets their marriage pact at 32 and meets the perfect person at 33?
This brings me back to my core question. If offered one, should I take it? I’d probably be happy, but I’ll feel like I settled. And, as much a fan as I am of Ernest Hemingway, I’m not planning on having three or more wives. These are tough questions and to be honest, even considering a marriage pact is the ultimate post grad problem. .
Respond
@5OClockShadow_
Subject matter expert here – I am a proud marriage pact husband (kind of). Bullet points:
Met in college, 20 years old, kind of dated and hooked up but were casually hooking up in general with other people. More of a FWB thing. Did this for two years and had talks about feelings and really did have amazing chemistry but we’re both far from settling down. We also went to school in the Midwest and she lived on the West Coast myself on the East. Made the marriage pact when we graduated college at 22, but no one really takes these things seriously, although I think we both wished it were a viable option sooner rated than later. The age was 30. Funny story – we share the same birthday. Anyways, we go our separate ways, talked a lot initially, then less and less as we both dated. Agree 5 years we were basically out of touch. I’d see a Facebook post here or there and stalk her to see if she was single, still remembering the pact. I did have one serious relationship and didn’t really think of her during that time, but that girl turned out to be cheating. Was single at 29 and was transferred to the West Coast. Had been there in her city for three months with very little social life when our 30th birthday came along. On a whim I wrote on her Facebook wall (lame, I know) a happy birthday to us and made a joke referencing the pact. Long story longer, she reached out, we decided to grab coffee and catch up, hit it off. I said, “we don’t have to hold up our pact, but I’d love to at least buy you dinner.” She obliged, we dated for six months, got engaged and married another six months later. Celebrating two years of marriage this month with a baby on the way. Does this count?
Absolutely counts. Not exactly bullet points but a helluva story
Congrats on the sex
Great story dude. Always love a happy ending.
I had a marriage pact to my best opposite sex friend in High school. Unfortunately, due to an intended pregnancy and a shot gun wedding they were off the market junior year of undergrad. Dodged that bullet..
These are the stories that need to be told.
I feel like the type of people who make marriage pacts are the same types of people who think that you can’t have a happy and fulfilling life unless you get married.
I wonder if anyone has actually fulfilled a marriage pact. I’d love to see how that plays out.
Not taking that bullet for the cause of entertainment
Marriage packs are a comfort notion I think, kind of like, yeah if I screw up big time I can rely on that pact I made in high school to a good “friend”. What happens when the time comes? What if it was a platonic relationship? It’s gotta be awkward having to have sex with someone you only saw as a friend of younger married or is it basically gonna be a separate bedroom marriage?