Almost Missed Connections: Welcome To Texas

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Missed Connections is a section of Craigslist where users post strangers they encountered in public and had a flirtatious or intriguing rapport with. Below is a selection of Missed Connections that were (not actually) posted about me over the last week.

You took my breath away at HEB last night – w4m (Westlake HEB)

It looked like you were getting an Orange Plate Special for dinner. You got frustrated with the server because he gave you a small salmon filet before going to the Ready To Drink section where you looked at several different kinds of Kombuchas. When I offered my help, you said you were looking for the one “without the booze in it.” When I led you in the right direction, you said, “gross, there’s shit in that one,” and grabbed the ginger flavor. You then looked down at your phone and walked away as if I didn’t exist. Me: tall, thin, blonde hair, striped shirt, black bag, carrying a bottle of wine.

Hoping you’ll see this so neither of us has to shop alone anymore…

Welcome To Texas – w4m (76740)

We were sitting a chair away from each other while waiting at the DMV. I think you were there to get your new driver’s license because the woman at the welcome desk kept sending you to your car to get the proper documentation. You became really sweaty and out of breath because it was over 100 degrees outside, but you were still so nice to the woman despite her almost refusing your documents. When they finally called your name, you almost tripped on my foot before dropping your phone. If you remember me, tell me what color shirt I was wearing and I’ll know it’s you (:

Is it love…? – w4m (Blues On The Green)

We locked eyes during the concert and it was almost like the song was about us. I’m white, shorter than you and average build so I think we’d be cute together. You were bad at dancing and got visibly worse and self-conscious after we saw one another. I missed you, did you miss me?

Male version of Lena Dunham – m4m (Star Bar)

I wanted to tell you, but you left too soon. You were the blatantly gay guy at the bar during last call who asked if I wanted a shot as you closed your tab. You told me your phone had 1% battery and you were worried about getting an Uber, so you asked if I wanted to split one with you while you smiled with glazed over eyes at me. I couldn’t finish the entire shot so you took the glass, looked at me, and finished it for me. It was weirdly intimate and erotic. You then stumbled out and got in a Nissan Altima which I assume was the Uber you had previously mentioned.

Tell me what kind of shot you ordered and maybe we can get sushi sometime.

I put the “Chick” in “Chick-Fil-A” – w4m (Westlake Hills)

I stood behind you in line while you were with who were either two of your fraternity brothers or two of your coworkers. Or both. Either way, you appeared to be around the age of 32 and looked about 5’10”. You ordered a spicy chicken sandwich and “extra crispy fries” because “if you order extra crispy, they have to make a whole new and fresh batch.” You were blatantly staring at me as I walked to the bathroom and I heard you say, “Did you see that hot Westlake mom in the chambray dress?” to your friends after I sat down again. Once my kids returned from the play area, you looked completely disinterested but I thought I’d at least try. If this was you, tell me what your meal was. .

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Will

Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.

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