Air Cannon During Zach Johnson’s Putt Shakes The Earth, Scares Him To Death

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It’s about time golfers start facing obstacles outside of the one between their two ears.

During Zach Johnson’s literal backswing on the 16th green at the John Deere Classic, somebody on the neighboring river thought they’d have a little fun with him and shoot an air cannon. The thunderous boom startled the shit out of Johnson and the rest of the crowd, who wouldn’t have expected even the smallest sneeze to occur during a crucial final round putt at a PGA Event.

The best part of this video isn’t Johnson freaking out on the green, it’s the two seconds where we see an aerial shot of a pontoon boat making its great escape. I can only imagine how drunkenly stupid and happy everybody on the boat is at that exact moment. What an idiotically blissful feeling.

It was also a casual reminder that golf remains the easiest sport where one can bully athletes. If I was a huge asshole, in no other situation would I feel comfortable screwing with a professional athlete than this one. What is a golfer going to do? Nothing. They’ve been tormented their whole lives. In fact, Johnson’s “not cool” comment was the most predictable aspect of this whole ordeal. That’s about as heated as a golfer is going to get with a spectator.

“Hey, man. Not cool.”

I’m not condoning this vile unsportmanslike act. Golf is a sport of the Gods, and when gross Iowa/Illinois corn-people try to fuck it up in a manner not beholden to one a person should have in the presence of a prodigy like Jordan Spieth, the punishment should be death.

Or a sunken pontoon boat.

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