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Our parents existed in the generation that didn’t move in together before marriage. But they also had blind dates instead of Bumble, dance cards instead of ghosting, and feet instead of Uber. If there’s one thing our generation does better than the one that raised us, it’s do things reckless and fast.
Like move in together.
Per Forbes’s 9 Things Millennials Should Consider Before Moving In Together, these are the realistic things you need to take into consideration when the shit hits the fan.
1. Discuss the reasons for moving in together.
Between saving gas and/or on public transportation going back and forth to each other’s places, you also get the luxury of throwing out all the old furniture you inherited from either your college house or your parents’ warehouse that’s overridden with possible black mold. Add in the fact that you’re now splitting rent with someone you like rather than someone you resent for every dirty dish they leave out and all of the sudden the only thing you have to worry about is how and when you’re ever going to–
…actually, never mind.
2. Understand each other’s expectations.
My expectations of a live-in girlfriend range from but are not limited to: being accepting of my washed-once-a-month sheets, not scoffing at my washed-once-a-month set of towels, and an agreement that my clothes will largely exist outside of my dresser rather than inside.
As for me? I know there are going to be a million pillows I have to take off the bed every night before I got to sleep. I’m aware that Friends reruns are going to replace the white noise of SportCenter. And yes, I guess I’ll clean my beard trimmings out of the sink if they’re really that gross to you. Just let me know when you use my deodorant so I don’t run out one fateful day and feel myself pitting out at my desk wishing I was single.
3. Talk finances.
I’m poor. What next?
Okay, okay, fine. Let’s have “the talk.” We’re splitting rent evenly even tough my closet space, half of the bed, and pretty much everything else is going to be completely compromised by the addition of you. There are going to be days when I attempt to eat all my meals for less than $5 so I can flex my cash a little further on weekends, and I’m not opposed to attempting to steal wifi from the neighbors for the first month to see if it works. Other than that, yeah, I’m still poor.
4. Determine how you’ll split the household expenses.
Ughhhh, can’t you just handle it and send me a Venmo receipt every month? Yeah, I’ll walk around with a chip on my shoulder for couple of days because you didn’t forget (again), but what’s a relationship if you don’t hate the other person once a month?
5. Agree on the right location.
I’m no Magellan, but I know the Bermuda triangle I’m going to need our place to be in, and that triangle is going to involve my place of work, a staple bar, and a market with gourmet to-go foods for the five days a week I’m too lazy to cook dinner. You know, just the type of place that tosses some dill in their chicken salad and uses bread that’s less than two days old. High class shit.
Other than that, if you need it near your spin studio, I’m all ears. Just as long as the walk to said bar is shorter than your walk to said spin studio. I’m not trying to sweat with my deodorantless pits on the barstool while you listen to Chainsmokers remixes of Lil Wayne songs.
6. Prepare for the good, the bad and the ugly.
My good: My scented candle game is airtight and I keep things tidy. I wake up early, go to bed even earlier, and I don’t like to talk after 9 p.m.
My bad: We run the risk of burning our place down with the scented candle I drunkenly light after a bottle of red, I press snooze for hours on end, I can’t fall asleep without the television on, and I don’t like to talk after 9 p.m.
My ugly: I’m definitely not going to clean my beard trimmings off the sink as previously mentioned. Can’t we just get a once-every-two-weeks cleaning lady to do that for us?
7. Create a “breakup plan.”
Uhhhh. Ummmm. Hmmmmm. So… yeah. Okay, sure, let’s skip this one because my breakup plan has nothing to do with moving out and everything to do with finishing a bottle of whiskey a day while re-downloading dating apps as I take a two-week leave of absence from my job.
8. Divvy up the household responsibilities.
This says to “divvy them up” but let’s just do what we both know will happen and operate on the “tell me what to do and I’ll get around to it later” plan. Like, sure, I can say I’m going to do the dishes if you cook the meals, but chances are I’m going to let them linger in the sink until you get fed up and do them while I scroll Instagram on the couch.
9. Make the move – with the mindset of working together.
You and I both know that our new place is your world and I’m just living in it. Now which side of the bed do these throw pillows go on again?
[via Forbes]
Image via YouTube
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
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will@grandex.co
Everything you should consider: are you married? Yes: move in together; No: don’t.
It’s 2017, not 70 AD. You need to live with someone to know if you two are compatible and can thus see marriage in the future. The whole “living together will work no matter what as long as you love each other” stuff is total bs.
I don’t take the same hard line as RealJesus on this (I’m moving in with the gf soon), but I will say that couples have married before moving in together for ages and it’s worked just fine. In fact, we have more divorces and affairs now than ever. So I’m not sure you “need to” live with someone first.
I could not imagine marrying someone prior to moving in together. It’s literally unfathomable to me. I used to have my girlfriend over several nights a week, and would be at her place the other nights. I thought I knew her. Then I moved in with her. There are quirks and shit that you’ll never see until you share a shelter with one another. That’s fact.
Living together is fine but I hate the school of thought that says you need to do a marriage “test run” by living with someone. If you’re willing to jump ship bc your S/O leaves socks on the floor, you have no business getting married. There is no test run for commitment- you’re either 100% in or you aren’t. Just my (probably unpopular) opinion…
Yeah but divorce has only been accepted by society for a short amount of time so we don’t actually know if married couples stayed together because they were happy or because divorce used to be taboo.
Oh for sure. We could spend all day explaining differences like that. But I still feel that couples don’t “need to” live together first. It’s going to be different for everyone. And there are compelling reasons not to do it.
I agree with that. Cheers.
Not sure about affairs, but divorce rates are the lowest they’ve been in a generation at least.
You need to check your science, home boy. 75% of marriages that begin with cohabitation end in divorce. This, of course, doesn’t count the occasional “sup?” at 5pm right after work and then a good ol fashion Netflix and sex which turns into them staying the night.
Link to that? I’m genuinely curious about that high of a percentage and how they were able to pinpoint the exact cause and control for other causes that could’ve been mixed in.
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/the-science-of-cohabitation-a-step-toward-marriage-not-a-rebellion/284512/ —- this doesn’t give an exact indicator of the divorce rate of people who wait for cohabitation, but 33% is a significant number.
Jesus Christ, way to harsh my vibe.
You kinda cherry-picked the numbers there. A lot of that divorce statistic can be explained by age. 18 year olds moving in together and getting married are a lot different than mid to late twentysomethings. As it states in the artice:
“Kuperberg found that individuals who committed to cohabitation or marriage at the age of 18 saw a 60 percent rate of divorce. Whereas individuals who waited until 23 to commit saw a divorce rate that hovered more around 30 percent.”
Age, education level, and length of relationship are better indicators for divorce than whether or not they cohabitated.
Hard to argue with historic evidence of successful, lengthy marriages without prior to living with one another for numerous generations preceding us. Not saying they got everything right, but that’s one thing they did. I never lived with my wife prior to getting married and things are pretty swell.
Btw, I thought this take was funny so I hope it isn’t downvoted to Hell.
When the hell did PGP get so morally conservative?
Honestly I can’t tell if RealJesus is sticking to his schtick or if he’s serious sometimes. Which is why I enjoy it, keeps me guessing.
At a certain point though, when one or the other person is spending 3+ nights a week sleeping over and more or less lives there on the weekends, moving in together starts to make a lot more sense. Thankfully I live in a city with lower enough rent that my personal safety net was to sign a lease for a 2 bedroom apartment and turn the extra room into my study/ man cave. Worst case scenario I move into that room if shit goes south.
Two words: rent arbitrage
I don’t think that word means what you think it means.
Two more words: Common Law
Username checks out.
The GF made a comment about my very relaxed sheet washing schedule then got food poisoning that night. You can’t say shit about my cleanliness after you projectile vomit, fucking Exorcist style, across my room.
My fiancée told me that we need to wash our sheets more, that was 3 weeks ago. I’m seeing how long I can make it.
My wife washes our sheets every time we do it on the bed. No comment on if we wash our sheets a lot or not.
I’m really happy to live alone pretty much every day except for the last day of the month when I pay rent.
I also live alone and like it the majority of the time. Although, sometimes I’ll catch myself talking to no one and feel like I’m going crazy.
Create a “break up plan” is bananas. If I muttered those words to my girlfriend, we’d probably breakup (before said plan existed). It’s a chicken before the egg type situation.
I find your towel and sheet washing regiment frightening.
Agreed. The feeling of freshly washed sheets is hard to beat. I wash sheets every Sunday to ease the scaries when I lay down for bed. It’s clutch.
Fresh sheets on a Sunday night and a fresh towel Monday morning really helps ease into the week
Hell yeah. Going to sleep on a Sunday night on crisp sheets is the only way to get to sleep.
Would give up a testicle to move in with Anna Kendrick.
Gotta bump up those sheet washing numbers. Once a week at least. Think of it like a shower for your bed. You wouldn’t shower only a quarter of the time you do now, would you?
Once a week at least? How much free time do you have that you can do laundry 2-3 times a week regularly?
And putting on the fitted sheet is just such a pain in the ass.
Why does it take you so much time to throw something in the laundry?
Put the lease in your name, and your name only. Speaking from experience, saved me a lot of hassle.
You wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it first…
Dammit this is good