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Dating advice is a dime a dozen. All is fair in love and war, so you have to take everything you hear from your friend, sibling, or online with a grain of salt. At this point, dating just seems to be a numbers game, so trying to make sense of it all will drive you more insane than the guy who’s taking an hour to text you back.
Elite Daily offered up some advice in their column, 11 Dating Mistakes Only Millennials Make. While some of their points are fair, some of their points need some clarification or discussion. Because, after all, there’s no right or wrong way to drunkenly get to first base on a park bench with someone you met on Bumble (and might end up marrying).
1. Moving too fast.
Millennials feel the need to jump into a relationship with the first person they meet. They feel pressured to be involved in something serious, so they tend to push their relationship to move at a faster speed. They don’t fully understand the concept of going on dates here and there with a variety of people.
If there’s one thing our generation does, it’s definitely not moving too fast. The last time I checked, the stages of a modern relationship goes as follows: math on an app, debate messaging each other for a while, message, meet up with one another that weekend after getting drunk enough to think it’s a good idea, hook up, exchange numbers, string each other along via text for at least two weeks, lie to their friends about how they met, “talk” for a month, and then date. And that’s if you completely ignore the ghosting phenomenon, which is essentially living proof that millennials do not, in fact, move too fast.
Tinder and other dating apps/websites are used a lot by Millennials for many reasons. While some may use these for hooking up, others use them in attempt to meet their soulmate. Sometimes they do get lucky and meet someone great, but overall, taking these apps seriously is one of the bigger mistakes Millennials make. They should learn how to meet people in person, rather than through a screen.
Tinder is a means to an end. Tinder isn’t a mistake.
You know how people met one another in the sixties and seventies? Blind dates. Which is sketchier than Tinder. And less safe than Tinder. And a less efficient way of finding someone to date than Tinder. Here’s a wild idea, but maybe the divorce rate of baby boomers is so high because they weren’t as efficient finding “the one” as we’re all about to be. Pretty sure that if you told the 23-year-old version of your mom and dad that if they could have a screening process before they went on shitty dates weekend after weekend, they would’ve snatched that idea up in a heartbeat.
3. Overusing social media.
Millennials love to brag on social media whenever they’re in a relationship. While this is sometimes bearable, at most times it’s overwhelming. They feel like the only way for a relationship to be official is if it’s “Facebook official,” which, to put it bluntly, is just plain old stupid. Millennials don’t realize their relationship is still valid even if it’s not shown on social media.
I don’t know how old the author of this column is, but no one has considered “Facebook official” as the gold standard for dating since, like, 2008. I’ve gone “Facebook official” with two girls in my life and both ended up being the kiss of death for the relationship. From that moment on, arguments got a little longer and tempers got a little shorter.
The real signal that a relationship is the real deal in 2016? Posting an Instagram with the other party, alone or together. Once their face appears on your feed, your likes are going to skyrocket and everyone’s going to know that you’re off the market. I mean, who even updates their Facebook profile anymore?
4. Texting constantly.
While in a relationship, Millennials usually feel the need for constant communication with their significant other. They don’t realize that this can actually turn into something unhealthy. If a couple is constantly texting one another, it gets old really fast, and seeing each other in person won’t feel as special anymore.
If you’re not texting them, someone else is. Remember that.
5. Taking jealousy to the next level.
For some reason, Millennials have a lot of trust issues in relationships. A lot of times, they’ll go as far as looking at their significant other’s phone to see who they’re talking to. Or they’ll be concerned if their significant other has a friend of the opposite sex. These things can only lead to destruction.
Looking through someone’s phone is just reckless. If you’re going to really stalk someone, just creep the Instagram feed to see who’s photos they’re liking and look over their shoulder to see who they’re sending Snapchats to. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. So jealousy is probably justified.
6. Hooking up.
Millennials basically created the hookup culture, and they shouldn’t be proud of it. While it’s okay to live life however you please, it’s not okay to brag about all your hookups or use hookups as a way to make yourself feel whole. It’s a mistake a lot of Millennials make because they’re afraid of commitment, and they think this will help them, but in reality, it’s only hurting them.
We’re having less sex than the generation before us, and that’s been well documented over the last few weeks. Trust me – I’ve gone on some cold streaks that would make even Elsa shiver. And not to say I should’ve gone on a tear through my twenties, but the whole “free love” concept doesn’t exactly apply to anyone my age. If anything, the vast options to match with others has made it more difficult to close.
7. Having high expectations.
The movies give Millennials a mindset of what relationships “should” be like, so they tend to not be satisfied in their relationships. They don’t realize life is in fact not like the movies, and that they shouldn’t expect to have a perfect fairytale romance.
I don’t know where this author gets off, but if you’re telling me that people shouldn’t aspire to have a modern day You’ve Got Mail-style story, don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out. Life is one big romantic comedy and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
8. Settling due to the fear of being alone.
This one goes along with moving too fast. Millennials feel like they have to find someone as soon as possible because otherwise they’ll be alone forever. They don’t understand that they’re still young and have plenty of time to find who they’re going to be with. This especially happens when all of their friends are in relationships.
I feel like most people “settle” because they have the realization that they, themselves, aren’t the toast of the town. Lowering your standards isn’t the worst thing that ever happened to anyone. When you’re constantly scrolling Bumble and making knee-jerk reactions to the opposite sex based solely on looks, you’re doing yourself (and the other person) a disservice. While “settling” isn’t the way to live, “keeping your options open” might be a better way to frame it.
9. Playing “games.”
When it comes to dating and flirting, Millennials love to play games. They aren’t usually the type of people who are straight up honest about liking someone; they usually have to beat around the bush, or play with the person’s mind for a while. Even while in relationships, some Millennials continue these childish mind games, because they don’t fully understand how to be in a mature relationship.
So first you’re going to tell me that millennials are “moving too fast,” and then you’re going to tell me that they beat around the bush too much? Come on. If you don’t have a proven strategy that you’re using while texting with your crush, you’re going to get absolutely killed. There’s a reason my read receipts have been on since Apple implemented them, and there’s a reason you need to learn the difference between ending a text with a period and ending a text open-ended. These things mean something in 2016.
10. Forgiving too easily.
When a millennial’s significant other makes a significant mistake in the relationship, such as cheating, they are usually faster to forgive than other generations. This is due to a combination of not wanting to be alone, and due to the fact that they try to ignore any problems in their relationship. This clearly is very unhealthy, and it’s difficult for a Millennial to walk away from the situation.
Let’s take a quick poll here: who has ever accused their significant other of forgiving too easily? No one? Bueller? Bueller? Alright, that’s what I thought.
11. Disrespectful breakups.
Millennials not only founded the hookup culture, but they also created the text message breakup. Millennials like to take the easy way out, and use text messages or social media in order to end a relationship. Face to face breakups freak them out so much, they usually try to avoid them. They don’t fully understand how to respectfully end ties with someone.
If you can start a relationship through texts, you can end a relationship through texts. Sure, it might be a dick move, but the cultural norm has been set simply through the way we’ve decided to communicate with one another. Last time I checked, you don’t get a phone call for every job you get denied from. Suck it up and be glad you aren’t getting left alone in the middle of a restaurant the moment things go south. .
[via Elite Daily]