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I love my family. Every single last one of ‘em. Both of my parents grew up with six siblings a piece, which means that I’ve got a very large extended family and everyone that falls under that umbrella is great.
Big fan of family. Can’t say enough good things about them. But there are times when it all gets to be a little much. Too much of anything is no good, and that goes for family as well. So now that I’ve gotten my high praise out of the way, I need to tell you a little story. I know that we’ve had a few other writers cover group chats before but I’m not sure anyone has experienced it at this scale before.
Yesterday around 9:00 a.m. I started getting inundated with Halloween costume photos via a group chat that one of twenty five people had added me to. You read that correctly. Twenty five. Everyone in this group chat was extended family. It included aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, and even my grandma and grandpa. I have a sneaking suspicion that my mother added me to this group chat but I will never know for sure. Standard group conversation commenced.
“Trick or treat!”
“Looking good, guys!”
“How’s everyone’s day going?”
Stuff like that. And for about an hour it was enjoyable. I had the conversation on mute and I could check back every twenty minutes or so and see another one of my cousins or second cousins bright, smiling face as he/she got ready for school as a witch, an astronaut, or a basketball player.
I chimed in a few times with nice things to say and I figured this would all be over by noon at the latest. But as noon came and went, I began to realize that this group chat and the conversation within was not dying. It was just getting started. Every time I thought it was mercifully over someone would chime in with a question about where someone’s kids were trick or treating or what time the festivities were getting started.
Now again, I really need to stress that I love my family. But my goodness, people. Twenty five individuals in a group chat going back and forth all day long gets exhausting, even if you do put the conversation on mute.
That little red dot with the number in the top right corner would climb up to 10, 15, 20 new texts hour after hour. That shit gives me anxiety because I’m OCD and I hate having any sort of notification on my home screen for more than a few minutes. So naturally, I’d check the new messages and then silently pray that this would end.
I thought about leaving the conversation at points throughout the day but we all know that this simply isn’t an option. It’s far too caustic a move to pull on family. In a group chat with friends and acquaintances you can absolutely leave a conversation without feeling bad, but this situation calls for a little more diplomacy.
The chatting raged on late into the night. We had some west coasters in there and they were just starting their trick or treating as I laid my head down to go to sleep. One person finally spoke up from Michigan, saying that they had to be up early in the morning and they’d appreciate it if we could conclude the chat. Around 10:30 p.m., the noise finally died down and I was able to delete the thread without feeling bad.
Now having said all of that, there has to be a better way to do this. You shouldn’t be able to just start a 20 person group chat without asking permission to the people you’re adding.
It’s exhausting, and I’d really like an option on the next iOS update wherein you can make it so if someone really wants you in a group chat, you have to ask first. My mother and my extended family love these fucking group chats and I’ve had it up to here with these things. We need some group chat reform immediately..
Image via Unsplash
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jduda@grandex.co
Got trapped in my in-law’s family group chat last year around the holidays and PRAISE ALL THINGS HOLY that my husband’s cousin married a man willing to send the text “I don’t know which one of you doesn’t have an iPhone but you better fucking change so I can leave this text hell.” He’s my favorite in-law.
He’s probably the one carving the turkey at Thanksgiving.
Blue text or GTFO. Even for family
My mom has 7 siblings. They all had multiple kids (my cousins) most of whom have kids of their own by now. 50-60 people around for Christmas and the holidays is always a good time. Waking up to 100+ notifications from the WhatsApp group chat, not so much of a good time.
That sounds like a family reunion living in your pocket. It’s fun for about 15 minutes and then you’re looking for the booze and a way out.
In pharmacy school my class group chat had over 50 in it. It was never ending.
I just found out that you can only leave a group chat if every single person has an iphone. I couldn’t have left even if I wanted to.
I got stuck in one with mom, sister, 2 aunts, and grandma. I had to threaten to not come home for Christmas if they didn’t take me out. Green texts is bad, being in a groupchat with non iPhone users is the worst.
My extended family on my moms side has several group chats that exclude and include different family members. It’s a fucking nightmare when we have birthdays, holidays and the no rhyme or reason day where my aunts and uncles have nothing to do. I can commiserate with you, Duda.
My family just discovered Marco Polo and dragged me in to it, which was a nightmare I never knew existed.
My family made a fb group and I immediately left the group. They are still mad about that. It was over 5 years ago Sue get over it!
Sometimes, drunk me adds 30 of my friends into a groupchat and asks for them to “uber” me back from the bars.
Sometimes, it ends up being a green message too.
We all seemed to survive okay in college with 100+ person group chats in Greek life so this doesn’t sound that bad, right?
Disclaimer: I’m an only child, and I have just two cousins so our family events need to be supplemented by other small families.
With family, it is bad….really bad. Especially when your dad still signs off a text like an email.
Also, Jimmy, go fuck yourself and then find something better to do
Jimmy is the troll elected to stay behind after the Great NCIS Article Battle of 2018
Were you in a frat bro? If so, tight
Found the Pike.
GroupMe is a game changer when it comes to group chats
this. I had to name all of the group texts because I once sent a “titty fuck that lasagna” message to the group text with my grandma, instead of to just my siblings and cousins. She still won’t address me.
nice, add me in?
My family, while not that large, creates NUMEROUS group iMessages with alternating people. Some include siblings’ spouses, some don’t, some exclude mom and dad, some only girls. It’s tiresome, and horrible trying to make sure I send messages on the right one.
I was added to a 17 person group chat for work and I just laid my head down in defeat.
I’ve been trapped in a 27 person group chat for the last 3 years when people try to leave someone always adds them back in
The worst is when family/friends keep starting new text threads and then someone reuses an old one and all the info gets jumbled… or you have 12 identical text threads. Because all your friends are green texters.
Sup?
I know that panic all too well