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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Dilldog,
Big fan of reading your work, but this week I need some help. I’ve gotten into a habit recently that began innocently enough, but has begun to cause rifts in relationships with family and friends. When I drink, I start firing off Venmo payments and requests to everyone I know.
The amounts have increased over time. What started with overcharging someone an extra couple dollars for Uber rides has morphed into $1,000 requests every time we go to the bars. On the flip side, sometimes I’ll send my friend from home a couple grand, and the dirty knob won’t send it back to me.
I can’t seem to stop. Any tips on how to handle this is greatly appreciated.
Wait.
Is this a real question? Your drunk habit is firing off four-digit Venmo payments? I’m aware of the weird fetish where internet strangers will pay attractive girls on the internet for their online attention, or to degrade them, or just to give them money for no real reason. This is different, though.
I can see how this might get slightly annoying at times, but mostly this is hilarious. I just imagine we’re at the bar and you come back to the table with bottom shelf tequila shots and send everyone in the squad a Venny for five grand. That’s just funny to me, so I can’t see how this would cause actual rifts in friendships.
But man, what a strange habit this is. If it’s really causing you serious problems, maybe talk to a counselor because I can’t make sense of it. For your first step, ask someone to hold your phone once your BAC begins to elevate.
To everyone besides the emailer: This is a joke, right?
Hey Dorn,
Long time reader and Toucher. I figured I would keep my question short since you probably have the Bird fired up outside. I’ve been going out with this girl for about a month and she’s great and checks all the boxes. The only “issue” is that she is taller than me (I’m 5’8″) and she likes to wear heels all the time putting her at around 5’11” – 6′. Am I just being insecure or if I should just think of this as a fulltime calf workout since I’ll be tip-toeing in every photo?
Appreciate any advice for how I should move forward with this. Thanks for all you do King. Happy 4th.
You’re being insecure, but it’s an understandable insecurity. It’s natural to need to feel taller than your girlfriend. Guys want to be protectors and providers and all that alpha shit. It’s normal.
Surely you have enough other good shit about you that will lift your confidence and carry you over this height thing. She’s clearly into you, which is what really matters here. If there’s an issue with height, it’s only coming from your end. Stay mindful of that.
Dillon-
What are your thoughts on texting vs calling in dating? I usually will just text a girl to have a conversation or ask her out, especially if it’s an online dating deal. If I have met her out in actual society and know her well, then I’ll ask her out in person.
Anyway, a few times I’ve decided that I’m going to be a grown-ass man and actually call her, as opposed to hiding behind the keyboard on my iPhone and texting it in. As it turns out, close to 100% of the time I have to leave a voicemail, and I get a text in response.
So, what say you? Is a phone call a mature, adult way to ask a girl out, or is it an odd move in a world where everyone mostly texts?
Yeah, I’d avoid the phone call. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but calling people is officially out, especially when asking someone out on a date. It straight up weirds some people out. Asking her out in person or with a phone call is mature in a “how out of touch is this person?” kind of way. Unless I’m expecting a phone call, I’m likely to stare at my phone ringing and let it go to voicemail.
I let enough time pass so it seems I simply missed the call then I hit her with “Hey did you call me?” What I really mean by that is “Hey did you call me? Because I don’t take phone calls so please never do it again.”
Asking someone out via text is the move.
Dillon,
Recently on TB you guys talked about solo vacations and I have a similar dilemma. There’s a smallish, two day music festival next month about two hours from my town and there are several acts I want to see, but all of my friends either have work or simply don’t want to go (trash friends I know). Even my girl is blowing me off because she’s gonna be out of town that weekend. How weird of a move would it be for me to go solo to these concerts? Preciate the help.
I hate music festivals so I’m not the best one to answer this. That seems like the type of experience made much better when you have other people to share it with? Are you going to do molly and mosh all by yourself? I don’t know, man.
Solo trips are great, though. I’ve never actually done a trip solo, but I absolutely would. Not to a music festival, though. I think you should go for it, though, as long as your experience wouldn’t be too affected by not having others with you.
Hey Dillon Chevrolet
So I have a question that may or may not make me look kinda douchey, but well… here we go.
For context, there’s this girl I’m interested in. She’s really cool and funny. Here’s the thing though. Looking back at her instagram, it seems as though she’s gained weight over the past year. Not a lot mind you, but definitely noticeable.
Now, this wouldn’t be a problem for me at all usually. But I’ve gotten into fitness over the past year or so and eventually lost 50 lbs in about six months time to where I am now. Not bragging, just saying.
Anyway, I want to get her interested in sports and the gym because that’s what I love, but she doesn’t seem to care about it at all. Plus, with me continuing to lose weight and get in good shape, I dont know if that would cause friction down the road.
So, two questions for you: Am I just a giant shallow douche for wanting to get her into fitness? And, if you think I’m not an asshole, how do I get her to feel the same love for the gym that I feel without bringing up her losing weight?
Thoughts appreciated.
“Anyway, I want to get her interested in sports and the gym because that’s what I love, but she doesn’t seem to care about it at all.”
This is where you lost me. Why does it matter what her interests are? And why must they align with yours? You can have an awesome relationship with someone who’s into different shit, man. Happens all the time. You seem controlling and a little narcissistic.
And yeah, you seem pretty douchey, too. You say you’re okay with how she currently looks, yet you foresee all these potential issues arising because she might not want to go to the gym with you or watch hours of football on Sunday. Be better.
Hi Dillon,
Long time, first time blah blah blah. Anyways, I have a situation I want to get your take on. I’ve been going to this rock climbing group for about a year and about 4 months ago I met a guy in the group that I found attractive. Right off the bat he seemed to be hitting on me (bought me a drink at the bar the group goes to after the climb, lots of arm touching, etc). The problem: This has continued most weeks for the past 4 months. He seeks me out, we talk for a while, we flirt a ton, and then he never asks me out. We’ve also been messaging on Facebook outside the group a bit since I’ve been gone for vacation for a few weeks.
This guy always seems very into me and then doesn’t pull the trigger. He also doesn’t seem like the type to just flirt for flirting sake and doesn’t do this with any other girl in the group that I’ve seen. He’s also confirmed not gay. It’s of note that there is an age difference (he’s approximately 10 years older from what I can glean from LinkedIn) so that might be a contributing factor. Anyways, why isn’t this guy asking me out?? What can I do to get him to pull the trigger?
Sincerely
Very Confused
Why are you waiting for him to pull the trigger when you could be pulling the trigger yourself? There’s also a strong possibility he’s not single, which you would get to the bottom of if you, again, would ask him out yourself..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
Money bags: delete Venmo or jump off a bridge.
Munchkin: shouldn’t be an issue unless she can dunk on you.
Voicemail: I don’t know why people are so weirded out by phone calls. Try FaceTime instead.
Vacay: solo trips are awesome. Do stuff you enjoy, even if it is a trash music festival.
Douche: invite her to work out but don’t be a butthead about it.
Mountain lady: ask him out you coward. It could be love.
Are you gonna cure world hunger next? These were the most to the point, on point answers I’ve seen.
If someone has an issue with receiving a phone call, trying to facetime instead is a straight up psycho move.
Slow clap for your response on the dude worried about this girl’s weight.
Yeah, honestly, fuck that guy. Don’t ever walk into a relationship trying to change someone. Agree 900% with Chev-er-ay, he sounds like a controlling narcissist.
Yeah seems like OP is just projecting his own insecurities on the girl.
That guy seems like a huge douche who is forgetting he was 50 lbs overweight just 6 months ago. All of a sudden he’s Mr. Fitness and has to oversee his not-even-girlfriend’s diet and fitness regime?
Also, weight fluctuates. Since college I’ve gotten as small as a size 2 and as big as an almost 8. If I start approaching 8 territory, I know it’s time to do something about it. I don’t know any girls who have completely let themselves go and gain 100 lbs or something, but a 20 lb range seems normal to me.
To the dude interested in the girl that you say has gained weight: why are you trying to get into a relationship with someone that doesn’t share hobbies or lifestyle choices with you? Find another girl that’s skinny and into fitness and let this one be.
I agree on this. I enjoy working out and being active and like when my partner can share this with me. If it’s a big part of your life find a girl who feels the same way vs trying to change someone.
Thank you, I’m glad you agree and I don’t get the shit I’m getting for this. If he were dating this girl for some time, that’d be a different story. But they haven’t even started a relationship and they already have differing lifestyles and he wants to change her. Why do this instead of looking to find another girl that better fits what he’s looking for?
Nail on the head. It will spill into every aspect of your lives together. You will resent each other on vacation if instead of a long morning in bed, one of you wants to hit the gym. Choosing a restaurant with entirely different wants in terms of options. Insecurity when someone orders a a salad and the other gets a CFS. It can be worked with, but ideally you want someone with the same fitness ideals as yourself, be it lofty or low.
Yikes
5’8″ guy with the tall girl: I’m 5’10” and a half, and it took me a long, long time to be secure with my height, so I can understand how, roles reversed, you may be having some insecurities. Don’t let that get in the way of your relationship. Height, no matter how tall or short, is beautiful, and if you’ve got a tall drink of water on your arm, then show her off like the stunner she is. She clearly doesn’t care if she’s already dating you. Height isn’t one of those things you can control, so there’s no use in being insecure about it. Plenty of tall women date men shorter than them – I have!
I can’t tell if you’re a girl or a guy based on this comment.
I figured the basic girl “I Need Vitamin Sea” icon would give it away, but for clarity, I’m a girl.
5’11” and I’d absolutely let you wear heels around me. Sup?
Very flattered, and I appreciate the chivalry, but taken.
Doesn’t matter #2018
height just shouldn’t matter, from either perspective
So exercise hobby dude liked a girl until he saw a previous version of her was “hotter” than the current person he was interested in, then suddenly he’s not as interested? Bro, you need to save her time and yours and move on because this “fitness hobby” thing is just you rationalizing your way out of not being that into her.
Phone call guy, I’d way rather chat on the phone then drawn out text but I’d recommend waiting a few dates. Some people really hate talking on the phone (I don’t get it) and asking someone out on a first date doesn’t have to be a big deal. In my opinion 2nd, 3rd etc dates are more meaningful anyway.
NurseJackie, on the nose as usual.
Sup
Does Venmo guy have a couple $K in the account or is he paying $3 for every transaction?
Venmo charges you when you don’t have money in your account? I should probably start paying attention to more stuff.
No, fake news. They charge 3% if you pay with a linked credit card, but debit cards, bank accounts, and your venmo account are all free.
Thanks, Joey
Fitness guy: not sure why everyone is giving you so much crap. If health and fitness are a huge part of your life, yes it could cause problems in a longer term relationship if your partner eats fast food and doesn’t work out. That’s a huge misalignment of values. It doesn’t make you a douche to want a girl who values her body the way you do. It’s worth talking to her about becoming more involved in your “hobby”. Shared interests ARE important in a relationship. But this shouldn’t be about making her hot, just about sharing a lifestyle.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to share interests in a relationship. There is something wrong with wanting to change someone before you’re even in a relationship with that person.
@gym guy, let me start by saying congrats on the weight loss, that’s a huge thing and you should be proud. That being said, you def have the wrong mindset about this girl. It’s normal for someone going through that kind of transformation to become passionate about fitness and want to incorporate it into other parts of their lives, but it sounds like you’re more concerned about other judging you for, in your mind, being more attractive than your girl. So if you like her, whats the big deal? By all means be there to support her if she decides to get more into fitness, but that’s a decision she has to make.
I think gym guy needs to figure out how important a fit/healthy lifestyle is to him and if he can handle a relationship with someone who does not have the same goals. It is about more than just “being skinny” or “she doesn’t look good in a swimsuit”.
Is a sedentary partner going to be supportive of him getting up early to train for a marathon on a Saturday morning or annoyed? Is a sedentary partner who eats garbage and makes bad health choices (smokes, drinks too much) the most conducive thing for someone trying to live a different way?
Opposites do attract sometimes, but this could be a potential friction point in a relationship.
Fair point. If he decides to commit to this new lifestyle long term, I think there could definitely be friction down the road. However, the amount of times he brought up her weight leads me to believe the issue is more of a “I want a more attractive girlfriend” thing
here’s nothing wrong with wanting an attractive girlfriend. However, I think tigers has a point here. Just like you wouldn’t want to date a smoker if you’re trying to quit smoking, it makes perfect sense that you wouldn’t want to date someone who’s out of shape while you’re trying to get into shape. That being said, he’s better off just moving on to someone more compatible than trying to change the girl that he’s talking about.
I’m 5’9″ (5’11” in heels) and dated a guy for years who was 5’8″. Nobody cares. If she’s into you, that’s all that matters!
I also went to a concert alone for the first time a few weeks ago. It is AMAZING. You can go right up front, go nuts, do whatever you want! Just make sure you love the band.