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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Dill Dog –
Love the Mailbag in the middle of each week. Thanks for the wisdom and sage counsel.
My question is pretty straightforward – how do you keep the time you spend on your phone in check? Is this even something you worry about?
I feebly aim to be a considerate, selfless member of this connected-but-isolated modern era we live in. I keep my phone in my pocket while dining with others and I try my best to be “present”, so to speak, with actual humans I am in a room with. Stuff like that.
As someone in the Content Game, how do you turn off and unplug from all that is going down on social media, texts, etc.?
Hugs,
Jimmy G.
I recognize that I have a serious problem, but yeah, I am absolutely addicted to my phone. I’ll set it down on the couch next to me while I’m watching TV and a couple minutes later I’ll notice that I’m subconsciously reaching for it. It’s bad. If I’m on a two-hour flight in the middle of the day, when we land and I get service again, I check my phone immediately to see if I missed the beginning of World War III.
In my defense, however, being plugged in is a big part of my job. I have to be very active on social media, be it posting for one of our brand accounts, or just from my personal ones. It’s advantageous for us to stay in the know, as well. Much of the content we post and discuss on podcasts are current event or cultural related. It benefits us to stay up on stuff, and by “us” I mean the Grandex media team.
When I’m with company, I try my best to keep my phone in my pocket or face down on the table/ottoman in front of me. It’s a wild ride, though.
Dill Pickles,
I need some help regarding my future finance situation. My boyfriend and I are HOPEFULLY moving in together after FOUR FUCKING YEARS. This is all based off of if he lands a job/MBA spot in the city I am currently packing up to move to.
My question is – should I tell him he has to split it 50/50 with me??? I know he can’t afford it. I am the bread winner by $15,000+ and I dont want to be an asshole, but I also don’t what to get screwed with money or making it seem like he can just live off of me. I can afford to live on my own, but I obviously wouldnt mind if my rent was cheaper. Should I tell him to pay whats proportionate to what he makes? Or just tell him to help with utilities and stuff?? Theres no way he can work full time with the MBA program he hopes to get into.
PS. I plan on marrying this man, he is not a douche bag.
PLZ HELP!!!
You should definitely split it 50/50 if it’s a possibility. Can’t you find a cheaper place or something? I understand wanting to ball out but your man is on a budget.
Agreeing that he pays less than you is just a weird situation. As a guy, that would make me pretty uncomfortable. You can throw it being 2018 and the ousting of traditional gender roles in my face all you want, but going in equally on something this significant and paying less than your partner for it because of insufficient finances just would never sit well with me. Pride in the gutter type stuff.
I’d recommend finding a more affordable option. Dude is working hard on securing that MBA — the time to floss for both of you is ahead.
Hey Dillon,
I’ve recently been asked by my brother to officiate his wedding. As in get ordained online and run the ceremony. I’ve been a groomsman in plenty of weddings before but never officiated one or have been at one what was officiated by anyone other than an actual priest, pastor, rabbi, ect. I know this increasingly becoming a more popular thing to have friends officiate a wedding through some online non-denominational church ordainment.
I am also the best man in this wedding and the bachelor party has already come and gone so nothing to worry about on my end except for my reception speech.
Any tips to make this a better experience for everyone? I have no problem with public speaking and being surrounded by happy friends and family is the best audience you could ask for, right?
This is big for you. You get a chance to own the floor for a minute. Capitalize on this. Don’t make it about you, because it still has to be about the bride and groom, but leave enough of an impression on everyone in the room so when they leave, they whisper to the person next to them, “That guy crushed it.”
My buddy officiated his sister’s wedding and added this line: “By the power vested in me by the state of Texas, and the internet, I now pronounce you…” It killed. Lots of laughter.
Keep it short, keep it simple, say something funny, say something heartfelt, and make it about them. You’ll do great.
Hey Dillon,
This might be sort of long, sorry in advance. I am in a bit of a pickle with my boyfriend’s family. Some background: we’ve been together for five years, and live together. So we’re in a pretty serious place, like a might-spend-the-rest-of-our-lives-together place. I come from a very conservative family, as did my boyfriend. I grew up believing wholeheartedly in the pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps, don’t let the government touch my guns, abortions are murder thing. In a total cliche, I graduated college and moved to NYC, and found myself changing my mind on some of these issues. I am by no means a communist or militant feminist now. I have just re-calibrated a few opinions that were presented to me as fact when I was younger (maybe this many mass shootings isn’t okay, maybe women shouldn’t just have to “get over” sexual harassment, maybe Roe v. Wade was actually a good thing, etc). Nothing too crazy, but definitely not in the conservative club anymore.
The problem is not with my boyfriend (we differ on many points, but generally enjoy talking about things) or my own family (they can’t get rid of me) but with his family. We don’t see them much because they live halfway across the country, but they consistently, without fail, bring up politics every time we do. They speak openly about how sexual harassment claimants are probably lying, how climate change is a hoax, and how silly it is to want to ban high capacity magazines. They are very passionate about these things, and present them as if anyone who disagrees is brainwashed. It’s annoying, but I have been very good about staying quiet and not getting into it because it didn’t seem worth it.
My question is this: should I stop staying quiet? Are my possibly future in-laws going to think i’m a bimbo with no opinions on current events? Is this worse than if I say something and start a fight? I don’t want to cause friction, but I also feel slimy keeping my mouth shut about things that have become important to me. Plus, will it be worse if all of this comes out sometime down the road?
Thanks,
Coming Out As Sort-of-Liberal
You’re too far left or too far right when you are unaccepting of other people’s dissenting views. That’s the litmus test for me. I can handle anyone closer to the middle, on either side, but if you’re so stuck in your ways and your opinions that you write off anyone as crazy if they have differing politic views, you are the crazy one.
I hate discussing politics. HATE it. I avoid it when possible in any setting, but talking politics with people like the ones described above is just a nightmare.
“Should I stop staying quiet?”
I don’t have a good answer for you but hopefully some commenters will. You should strive to speak up for yourself and your values whenever you feel the need to, but this one is tricky. One thing I’ve learned about discussing politics is you aren’t going to change anyone’s mind with anything you have to say. It’s a futile attempt every time. At best, you reach an “agree to disagree” stalemate of mutual respect. At worst, it’s full-on political armageddon. And that’s your family. Tough.
There’s a famous quote that sort of applies here in a roundabout way. Not that you’d be an actual fool to speak up, but the far right wingers may think so.
Staying silent might be your best option here, though I will not officially sign off on that recommendation.
To the Dill of all Pickles,
LT, FT you know the drill. Going kind of off the reservation here, but my wife and I have been together for five years and have been having talks of spicing up the bedroom. We brought up the idea of a threesome, and the both of us actually agreed! (Dream come true tbh) but we both have been having reservations on how to hit on other people. Do you have any advice on how we could go about this? Obviously we’ve both been out of the game for a while. Is it weird for a couple to walk up to someone and say “hey, you wanna bang the both of us?” I just feel like it’s odd for someone to do haha.
Much obliged
Is it a dream come true, though? I always thought the idea of a threesome was more exciting than the actual threesome. Note: I’ve never had one. A girl I used to date was into it and asked me if I was down, however. I was meh about the idea.
I’d discuss some ground rules and expectations before you go into the bedroom because I can see the aftermath being a little dicey without adequate communication and proper execution.
I’m sorry to say I do not have any real advice for you here because I’m not a threesome guy. However, using the line “hey, you wanna bang the both of us?” probably is a little aggressive. I think it’d be a better play to build some rapport before you get to the good part.
Hey Dill,
Long time reader, etc, etc. I have an interview set up for Wednesday, and the HR contact told me the office is casual, so feel free to dress accordingly. Should I still go with a suit? I have always gone with a suit, but I’m considering something a little more casual this time. Any advice will be appreciated.
Thanks
Suited and booted. Wear it. You’re not going to catch side eye for overdressing, but you can easily underdress for interviews.
Our office literally has no dress code. Don’t show up naked — I guess that’s our dress code. Most of the guys I’ve interviewed, even for internships, show up in suits. Play it safe..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
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Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
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RogerJDorn
Girl who’s in laws are very conservative: this will kill 2 birds with one stone in a sense…next time they bring up gun control/mass shootings and abortions, just casually remind them that they are essentially the same thing except a few years delayed. So in essence, the very thing they staunchly don’t believe in is exactly the other thing that they do believe in. This will go over swimmingly at the dinner table. Stay woke or whatever those idiots say lol
I hate arguing politics. Chances are you will never change each other’s opinions. Just politely say agree to disagree or ask not to discuss politics. But definitely do not start to argue with them, that would be a terrible idea for you and your relationship.
If everyone is mature, there is nothing better than talking about politics with friends who you disagree with. However, when it comes to family, the tension is much more and can be tricky to navigate.
I can list a lot of things better than discussing politics but I do agree, if everyone isn’t completely nuts than it’s a fine topic
Your wife agreeing to a threesome just sounds like some sort of complex trap that will backfire on you
It will…any offers or questions related to awesome sex things are just her way of gathering information to destroy you with in your next argument. As far as my wife knows, I only think about her and my favorite position is whatever she likes (also, Benny the Jet, this is just a joke so don’t try to trash my sex life)
Agreed. This can only go not well. Unless it does. Then congrats on the threesome.
You can try bumble or tinder. I’ve seen where guys post with their girl to say they are looking for a third to have some fun.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing splitting rent as a percentage of salary. It costs each person the same relative to their income.
This definitely makes sense from a logical perspective, but I’d be annoyed with it/ too prideful to pay less in practice.
I make a good deal more than my 2 other roommates, who are some of my best friends, and probably overpay by like $25-50 a month relative to my space. Any more than that and I’d move out.
Roommates is a whole different thing than a significant other though. With roommates you all have your own rooms, where as with a SO I’m assuming they’re sharing a room. Having her pay 3/4 or 2/3 of the rent doesn’t seem too crazy in my mind. That being said I’ve never even come close to living with a SO, so what do I know.
Not only that, but the higher income person will still most likely have more disposable income after paying rent, even if they are paying a little more than their share.
Following this logic, then most of the things they do together should be ‘split’ based on a factor of income relative to actual cost? Split it 50/50. Keep more of your money and spend it on the things you want for the apartment (nicer couch, kitchen supplies, bedroom etc) or save for the future (especially if you see a lifelong future). Just because someone makes more money doesn’t mean they should pay more for the same space/items.
Agreed, I’m thinking find somewhere cheaper that you can split 50/50 or you’re going to both end up resenting each other!
This is actually what my boyfriend and I do right now. Logistically, it makes perfect sense. He makes more than I do right now, so how much we pay and for what is a bit different, and we base it on our respective incomes. That being said, I hate hate hate how shitty it makes me feel to not be able to contribute more, so I’d say end goal should always be 50/50 unless another arrangement has been reached.
All that being said, cut the boy some slack. Help him get on his feet, he’s trying his best. It’s not like he doesn’t want to contribute, but it sounds like he’s making the move for you without much of a fallback. Eventually he’ll get there financially. Consider it practice for marriage when y’all go through tough times.
iPhone addict: keep your phone away when with others as much as possible. Be in the room. Be present. People will appreciate it.
Fiscal fiance: Dill’s advice is rarely off but it is here. Sure, find somewhere a little cheaper but rent should be proportionate to income. He can’t afford 50/50 split, you said it yourself. Suck it up, you’re marrying this man. Think long-term.
Minister: that’s dope as hell. I’m gonna get ordained now.
Family feud: nobody is required to stay quiet but everyone should be required to be respectful. Remember that and you’ll be okay.
Threesome: walking up to randos sounds like an adventure. Isn’t there like a craigslist for this? Also, sup.
Interview: first, congrats. Agree with Dillyeon. Suit up and good luck.
PSA the Craigslist random encounters section got shut down because of a new federal law that was supposed to prevent sex trafficking
You know from experience or…?
Dude looking for threesome partners, I’ve seen a lot of Bumble profiles for the couple where the bio says “looking for a 3rd” or something along the lines of that. Would be worth a shot.
There’s an episode of “Easy” on Netflix where a couple does this. It prompted the conversation for us, and I was shocked to hear my wife say if I wanted it we could try it sometime.
Started dating my now wife prior to dating apps so I don’t really know how they work. Is there any risk of co-workers/friends finding your profile? Would you want to obscure your faces? We live in a big city so I’d imagine the odds are slim, but I frequently hear stories of “Lol I just matched with your borther on Tinder”
There is a risk of coworkers/friends finding your profile, but what I’ve seen a lot is people obscuring their faces, and in the bio say “trying to keep this secret for obvious reasons, will send pics once we match” or something along those lines. Bumble also doesn’t have your last name, so assuming you/your wife has a relatively common name, it should be pretty easy to keep yourselves anonymous by covering your faces.
Gonna piggy back off of this; make sure there isn’t any identifying item or piece of jewelry or something like that in the picture with obscured faces. If you’ve had coworkers/friends over to your house and have a unique furniture piece or rug or something, you might as well have shown your face. Be cognizant of the background in the pictures you use.
My general rule…people who bring up politics in casual conversation are usually just idiots trying to toot their own horn. Either respond with something as if they never mentioned politics or say something so ridiculous they have no choice but to leave you alone.
Gonna say yes and no here. My peers on second shift and I do nerd out and talk about history/world events and politics tends to bleed into that HOWEVA (stephen a. smith voice) i think you’re absolutely right if someone is bringing up politics with random people its a poor move
True. I was thinking more about the out to dinner random “how about this political yada yada yada” type shit
My stock answer of “they’re all goddamned idiots” hasn’t failed me yet.
I usually just say “huh I have no idea I don’t follow politics” (even though I do on a daily basis.) Maybe makes me look ignorant idk but it’s better than voicing your opinion cause we all know if you don’t agree with a certain ideology you’re just plain wrong.
“Wait, who’s President again?”
“Is that Nader guy still going strong?”
I’m a liberal who has almost exclusively dated conservatives since college. (Date someone who challenges you, they said, it’ll be fun, they said).
I’ve tried both sharing my opinions and staying quiet. I can say definitively that, when it comes to your SO’s family, just keep your mouth shut. Those arguments get very ugly very fast. It’s not worth the little time you spend with them.
Tearing apart my family to own the libs.
To the girl moving in with her boyfriend: I would suggest splitting stuff by proportion of each other’s income to your combined income. I make a good amount more than my girlfriend does and we’ve been doing that for the last year. It works great. You guys have been together for four years and are planning on marrying so your money will be combined soon enough anyway. Might as well start now.
Also, to the guy who wants to limit his phone use – get a smartwatch. You get all the notifications without having to pull your phone out and resist the temptation to browse social media. I got my Apple Watch a few months ago and it’s been life changing compared to this. Half the time, if my girlfriend and I are going out to dinner or running errands, I leave my phone at home and just use the watch for any notifications/texting/calling.
^ was coming here to say this. My apple watch has significantly limited my phone time.
Same. My girlfriend and I have been doing this the last three years and it’s worked out well for us. I pay the mortgage and she pays the other miscellaneous bills. This will typically add up to what Bill is saying.
This is what my boyfriend and I do and it’s definitely the move. The 50/50 thing works for roommates, but relationships should be more balanced.
Gotta play the phone game at bars and restaurants. Everyone puts their phones in the middle, in a pile, screen down. Whoever checks their phone buys the next round.
Anyone else notice that threesome guy did not specify what kind of threesome they agreed to? MMF/MFF, if you haven’t cleared that up yet with your SO, better do it soon. There is a difference.
It’s all fun and game until another guys dick pokes you while you’re trying to have some bedroom fun
And maybe they (he) is cool with that. Not a big deal if they (he) is. But the couple may have VASTLY different ideas of how the threesome will go and what each wants out of it and is comfortable with. Good to have those conversations up front.