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I apologize for taking a week off. I threw in a bonus question because of it.
Got a classic wedding question to throw your way. The back story on this is that my boyfriend’s friend (and let me clarify, not a super close friend but they run in the same social circle) invited us and two of our other couple friends to their destination wedding in the Keys. And when I say Keys, I mean the closest airport is 2 hours away so we have to rent a car to get to the resort. The resort runs about $450 a night, and we’ve still got drinks and food on top of this already exorbitant cost. My question is, what’s the least amount of money we can spend on a wedding gift? And how tacky is it to make this from all three couples? Because, I mean, cmonnnnnnnnnn.
Let me answer your question with a question: Why are you even going? If I’m dropping two to three grand on what is essentially a vacation that is planned for me, those people will have to mean a whole hell of a lot to me. Close friends or family only. Someone who I’d describe as merely “in my circle” wouldn’t qualify. And honestly, they may not even be expecting you to commit. It’s just a lot to ask of someone.
A group gift in this situation is more than fine. You’re already going above and beyond just showing up. Have everyone pitch in for a $100 gift. Something like that. That’s a drop in the bucket when you’re already dipping into your savings on a vacation that they planned for you.
Kink shaming isn’t cool anymore. So, here I am: I’m a woman and I want a man to come on my face. I met a guy and we’ve hooked up. He doesn’t want to come on my face. He said that he’s afraid of getting it in my eyes. But couldn’t I close my eyes?
Do you think I can convince him? It’s possible that he wants to, but is hesitant about expressing that. Or, maybe he genuinely doesn’t want to. I guess I could just respect his desires, but I find myself wondering if he’s being completely honest with me or not.
Please keep me anonymous.
Well, here’s a question I did not see coming.
I always keep it one hundred with you guys, and I have no intention of “kink shaming” you, but I have to be honest here: This would weird me out big time. I thought this only happened on porn sets, not behind closed doors with real people. Different strokes for different folks, I get that, but damn I just could not get into that I don’t think.
For me, it’s not about fear of getting it in your eyes — I’m pretty sure that’s not your guy’s real reason, by the way — it’s that it’s super degrading. That’s your face, dude. I stare at that thing when I’m talking to you. Not trying to picture it covered in my stuff. There would have to be a deep level of trust and love going on for me to even let the idea of that in the door. And even then, it’s probably a no for me.
He probably genuinely doesn’t want to do it, but if it’s something you’d like to get to the bottom of and get a real answer out of him, bring it up when you’re A) sober, and B) sex isn’t imminent. Bring it up on the way to the store or something. Or during lunch. Be matter of fact about it and I bet he hits you with the truth.
Thanks for doing this, I think this helps a ton of people. Anyways, I have a question for you. I was seeing this girl – we’ll call her Jennifer – for a while (less than months) and things were going great but we had to go our separate as we both saw ourselves getting into something serious right when we were/are planning on moving to different cities. I’ve been seeing other girls casually since then but man, I still compare them to Jennifer and can’t quite get over her.
It’s been over half a year and I’ve never ever had this issue before. Am I crazy? Should I delete all social media/personal contact with her? I’ve only contacted her once for a birthday and “hope you’re doing well” text. My perspective is that there could be a possibility of something way down the road and therefore should just continue doing what I’m doing, but nothing has quite gotten her out of my head. Hope you can provide some reassurance and/or candid advice. Thanks.
You’re not crazy, sir. You caught feelings. It happens to everyone.
In my experience, the only tried and true way to get over someone is to let time pass. The shitty part? It obviously doesn’t happen right away, and it can even take a long time. But the good news is time is undefeated. The “get over someone by getting under someone else” method is just a temporary fix, so keep that in mind when your boys inevitably tell you to try that.
But why close the door with this chick? You like her a lot. Maybe she likes you a lot, too? Circumstances have you guys going down different paths right now, but, even as you said, that doesn’t mean something can’t happen in the future between the two of you. Maybe leave that door cracked open some.
I say keep in very casual and infrequent contact with her, as you’ve been doing. Just enough to keep yourself on her radar. Circumstances might change, and if they do, you should probably act on these feelings you have, hombre.
Ok so quick question. I met this guy in my graduate program last year and we really hit it off but I wasn’t in the head space to date anyone at the time. He would contact me all the time and always ask to hang out but I would always end up blowing him off. Anyways, over the last 2 months he’s started to txt me again but very sparingly. He’s also called me a handful of times and we’ve had pretty great convos for hours at a time. However, it never leads to anything else. He hasn’t mentioned hanging out at all.
I know I blew him off before but this time I’m really interested in seeing where it goes but I feel like I kinda blew my chances. I’m not the type of gal who ever asks a guy out or makes the first move so I’m so unsure as to how to go about this.
Any advice that doesn’t involve me shooting my shot and landing flat on my face?
If you’re texting him and having multiple hour-long phone conversations, why would you think you blew your chances with him? Seems like the opposite to me. Guess how many guys walking this earth are engaged in that much communication with someone they aren’t interested in hanging out with. The answer is zero.
My guess is it’s not leading to anything else because you have a record of turning him down and he doesn’t want it to happen again and ruin the momentum you two have going. It’s time you move past the “I’m not the type of girl” to take the initiative thing. Girls are out here in 2018 making moves. They’re asking guys out now, and guess what — it’s not weird. It’s even pretty cool. And attractive.
I guarantee you he’s going to say yes.
Sup Dill Pickle,
Do you have any advice for someone who’s been out of the dating game for a while? I got out of my first serious relationship (dated her for almost 3 years) back in the Fall and haven’t really tried getting back on the scene yet. I feel ready to get out there, I just don’t know the first thing about dating anymore at this point.
Small (not unattractive) fish in a big sea
Congrats on being not unattractive. That always helps. Also congrats on getting past whatever it was that was keeping you from getting out there. I know that can be an uphill challenge.
The best way to get back out there is to leave the crib whenever you can. Just be active. Not just going out to bars, but lunches and dinners with friends, beer league softball, exercise, any outdoorsy type shit — they’re all fun but they’re also opportunities to run into single ladies who are into not unattractive guys.
There’s also Bumble/Hinge/whichever dating app is hot right now. There isn’t a stigma with hopping on there anymore because pretty much everyone does it. They worrrrrrk.
Wanted to throw out this quick dating question to see what your thoughts (and other people’s thoughts) are about this.
I’m recently getting back into the dating scene after getting out of a realllly long relationship. I went on a first date with this guy last week, and we grabbed a couple of drinks each. He picked up the tab- which I was expecting on the first date- and obviously thanked him for it. We actually got some food after, but we both paid for our own.
We went on a second date to some restaurant I suggested, and we each got a drink and some food- probably totaled to around $50 for the two of us.
The waiter brings over the check, and neither of us say anything. At this point, it wasn’t like we were so engrossed in conversation to not notice it. So about a minute goes by without him saying anything, so I ask him if he wants to split the check to which he said: “yeah that works”.
Obviously, it was fine, I just kind of assumed he would at least offer- and if he had, I would have probably still offered to split. I understand $50 isn’t necessarily suuuuper cheap, but still. It kind of bothered me that he didn’t say anything at all. Am I in the wrong for that?
I guess the question is- how many dates will guys usually pay for when first going out? Or is really the first date the only one? Curious what people think/do for this.
That’s a brokeboy move. Specifically, the not making a move for the check until you mentioned it. Splitting on a second date is too soon, but it’s not so far out of bounds that you should completely write the guy off. However, intentionally not making a move for the check or mentioning the check for one long, awkward minute is totally unacceptable. It gives off the vibe that he was expecting you to pay the tab fully, and that’s not okay. He was likely disappointed that you stuck him with half of it. Brokeboy.
I’m all for progressiveness in 2018 if that’s your thing, but this shit shouldn’t fly.
I think girls should, at some point, pick up dinner or drinks for their man. Or offer to split the check at least. It’s not on a second date, though. It should happen when the “trying to impress” phase has passed, when you two are more comfortable around each other.
Last weekend I visited Big Bend with a group of pals – new and old. This was my 5th time visiting the park and each time is a new adventure and experience.
One of the many experiences was a horseback ride through Terlingua. Our wrangler, Kellie, a real West Texas Cowgirl, had a practice pairing the rider to the horse. She would chat with each rider for about 3 minutes asking a mix of questions related to horse-riding experience and general Qs.
With that said, she paired me with Geronimo. He’s notorious for keeping weight on and sauntering at his own pace, and stopping along the trail to snack. He’s been riding with Kellie for 15 years, she said Geronimo is one of the most reliable and sturdy horses if you can just get past that, at times, he is just going to do his own thing. I’d like to say she paired correctly.
Did you know that Creative Circle also has a best practice of pairing the right candidates with clients? We meet with each of our candidates and ideally try to meet with our clients or at least have conversations related to culture, personality and experience! I call and email you because I have selected each of you on my own.
No one tells me to target you, it’s my choice! I’d really welcome an opportunity to start or continue conversations, whether they are 5 minutes over the phone or 20 minutes in person. How can Creative Circle and myself be your Geronimo?
It took me until the fourth paragraph of this email to realize it wasn’t a Mailbag question. The subject line was simply “Geronimo.” You start on a story about an overweight, sauntering, free-spirited horse named Geronimo and I’m hooked 10 times out of 10.
I’m starting to think Geronimo isn’t even fucking real. I’ve been hoodwinked by a damn impressive cold solicitation email. Well done..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.