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I love having people over. I literally love inviting friends over to my house. I am constantly vacuuming with my new Dyson and dusting surfaces that no one ever looks at in preparation for people showing up to my home unannounced.
First off, that never happens. No one shows up unannounced except for the two Jehovah’s Witness ladies in my neighborhood who should absolutely know by now that I am hungover and angry literally every Sunday. But here’s the thing. Anyone who has room enough to host a dinner party: Get off your ass and fucking do it.
I don’t care if you don’t cook. I don’t care if you don’t have a huge space. Dinner parties are the literal shit.
Let me ask you three questions.
(1) Do you like to eat food and drink alcohol with your friends?
(2) Do you like to eat that food and drink that alcohol and then walk to your bedroom to sleep for the night?
(3) Do you like to spend less than $75-$100 per night of the weekend?
If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, then the dinner party might be your new best friend.
There are so many reasons to host a dinner party. First of all, you can get hammered as a nail at your own home and never leave. For real cheap. Drink all the cocktails or glasses of wine that you prefer, and crawl to your room at the end of the night to blackout-watch Curb Your Enthusiasm and then have to repeat episodes next weekend. It is a beautiful cycle.
Secondly, you’ll be saving money. You’ll be preserving your dignity. The only people showing up to your dinner table will be the ones you invited. If you want to tie one on and act like a fucking fool, then go for it. You trust these people. You invited them! If they haven’t seen you drunkenly quote Borat by now, then they never will.
Dinner parties are casual. People show up wanting to have a nice meal and drink some wine and chat. Well, within two hours, everybody is yelling about how fucking amazing my fantasy football team is and how they wish they could have been as aware during their drafts as I was. Admittedly, my draft comes from my 10-year-old brother who understands professional sports 2000% more than I ever could. He also supports the Va Jay Jay Cutler name. Regardless, we are ready to take it to the house this season.
I have very much digressed from the point of this column. My point is this: Dinner parties are fun. They’re generally very casual. They’re not extremely stressful. People show up with food and alcohol and then everyone hangs out. I literally had everyone’s place set at the table. I had chilled spoons and bowls in the freezer for dessert.
I will say, that tonight, my friends showed up because I promised a Chrissy Teigen-special with some booze and no judgment. Luckily, they gave it at least a 7.8 and are willing to try again next week. Let’s shoot higher than Chipotle and aim for no salmonella.
Dinner parties for life. Game on. .
Image via Shutterstock
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@taylordoestweet
@itsthestovallshow
sexychocolate
My goal in life is to be the guy that always brings a delicious dessert and dominates any games played at dinner parties
I made up a Peanut Butter pie that has been the hit of every function I take it to and won a couple competitions. Its really easy, I can share.
My goal for now is to be the guy that has a reason to make it and place to take it.
So about this sharing?
DM me. Too long for a comment.
I would “nice work” you but it won’t let me. I need that recipe
Anybody else getting a “Network Error” message from your phone when trying to Nice Work a comment?
Yeah mines been doing it for a few days. Really killing my vibe
Seconding 19th Hole. That sounds heavenly.
DM me. Too long for a comment.
I’ll send to email in your profile.
Yo, also interested in that recipe.
Let’s talk about this recipe…quit being a tease.
You know who else loved dinner parties? Jesus, and look what happened to him….it’s all because I wasn’t there to bring my delicious spiced guacamole. That shit would have changed the course of humanity or whatever this is
Where has therealjesus gone anyway?
idk but his schtick was weird..
One of the best Office lines of all time.
Hosted a dinner party 2 weeks ago. 3 couples, 6 great steaks, a little BBQ shrimp side, and about 48 beers. Would’ve been a thousand-dollar dinner out, cost less than $150 thanks to our friends at Costco.
Costco has surprisingly delicious and relatively cheap whole beef tenderloins if you’re able to remove the silver skin yourself.
I just buy their packs of filets or ribeyes, they’re usually ~$10/steak. And the meat is fantastic.
Two words for you: Cap Steak. It can be hard to come by because the butchers usually save it for themselves. But if you can get your hands on some they are the greatest.
preach
I try to do these around Halloween so everyone can be surrounded by all the fake spiders/cobwebs/skulls that adorn the house. Provides the right aesthetic.
that sounds like a sp00ky good idea
Don’t be the person who brings potato salad. It’s 2017, step it up
Or casserole, or deviled eggs.
Do people younger than 60 still make casserole?
I stand by potato casserole made with cheese and cream of mushroom soup. It’s like crack.
*Retweet*
If you don’t live in your hometown/region, master whatever it’s famous for and people will go bananas over it. I make a mean jambalaya and gumbo but I’m pretty sure I could whip up some of the Zatarain’s mix from the grocery store and people at dinner parties outside of the Southeast would erect a statue in my honor.
“Dinner parties for life” Words to live by.
Stealing your fantasy name, don’t @ me.
-1? Hackers must have got me too.