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Did you happen to re-accommodate a passenger at your airline job and it not go so well? Don’t worry, plenty of jobs on Craigslist.
From San Diego, CA: Looking for Parents with TODDLERS whose child has CHRONIC PAIN/AILMENT
Let’s start this off with one that is just so painfully uncomfortable to read. Honestly seeing “TODDLERS” and “CHRONIC PAIN AILEMENT” in all caps is just too much intensity for one headline. But at least they’re trying to fix a problem right?
We have an amazing ENERGY HEALER, Charlie Goldsmith (www.charliegoldsmith.com), who has been studied by doctors, used by many celebrities and wants to try his healing non-invasive technique to help your child.
I’m sure parents are lining up to have some weird dude bask their kids in his “energy.”
From San Antonio, TX: Dough Pizzeria Now Hiring LINE COOKS AND PREP COOKS $12/hr. D.O.E.
There is nothing special about this job other than this is my favorite pizza joint in San Antonio. I mean, Guy Fieri visited here, what more do you need?
Anyway, if you take this job DM me if I can have free pizza, I’d appreciate it.
From San Antonio, TX: Hot Guys needed for ADULT FILMS!!! $2,000 for a Solo!
We only want to work with the best and our starting pay for male models is $2,000 for a SOLO JACK OFF FILM.
These ripped dudes are getting offered $2K to be filmed jerking off and the rest of us are making sales calls. Also, work with the best? Can you imagine being the best at jacking off? Future Olympic sport? Yeah, maybe.
From Lexington, KY: AWESOME JOB
Literally can’t turn this down. It’s an awesome job. You know how many jobs aren’t awesome? A lot of them.
Sports Company now hiring 18-25 people .
“Sports Company.” Like, do you do sports, bro? Let’s work at sports. Job sounds sweet.
From Wichita, KS: General Labor
Nothing special about this job. Just wanted to remind everyone that Wichita sucks ass.
From Wichita, KS: Home based travel agent
Do you see my point about Wichita? They’re advertising for jobs in industries on life support. “Do you want to help people who don’t know how to use Priceline and Google find their dream vacation touring Florida? Boy do I have the gig for you.”
From Washington DC: THE ITALIANS ARE HIRING!!!!
As someone who’s seen Goodfellas 9,425 times, there’s no fucking way I’d answer this ad. They say it’s for a restaurant, but that’s how they get you in.
Job Of The Week
From Lexington, KY: A FUN EDUCATED PERSONAL ASSISTANT WITH COMMON SENSE
Who the hell is enough of a big-wig in Lexington, Kentucky to need a personal assistant? Like I can’t think of a single person who’s schedule demands would requi…..oh my God, it’s definitely Calipari.
Skill set: Mac proficiency, multi-tasking, likes to be organized and coordinate people.
Be able to get the walk-ons to class and the scholarship guys to morning weights.
Action oriented, logical, systematic, thinks of all angles and maintains standards,
When the NCAA calls asking why the new point guard is driving around in an S-Class you better be able to think on your feet about that money his uncle just inherited from a long lost cousin.
Typical Tasks: Coordinating complex travel details, packaging parcels, coordinating shipping, event support.
That flight to the Sweet Sixteen better be on time, and make sure to get the red eye to the McDonalds All-American Game. Coach Cal needs help running a dynasty. .
Respond
Kyle Bandujo
The artist formerly known as Crash Davis. My kid doesn't think I'm funny.
@kylebandujo
@bandujokyle
kyle.bandit
These guys are getting paid up to 2K for a video of them jacking it, meanwhile I’m getting my number blocked when I send one of those to recruiters. Sorry I have an audition tape?
What’s the going rate for paying overweight dudes to jack it? Gotta be a fetish out there for it, right? I’ll do it for $500. Okay $200. Okay, whatever you want to pay me is cool.
also how big does my Crime Hawg have to be? Askin for a me.
I have a friend who wants to know what some vintage footage of himself cranking down would be worth?
Can confirm that Wichita does in fact, suck ass.
Second that
Will apply to be a FUN EDUCATED PERSONAL ASSISTANT WITH COMMON SENSE and report back.
I’d rather not give away my technique to the world. That’s a secret that will stay between me and Jill.
Italian job might be alright as long as they don’t start calling you Spider
How do you judge “best” when it comes to masturbation? Is it speed? Longevity? Size? Load? Too many variables here.
Don’t forget to factor in girth. This seems like something Randy Marsh could explain.