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22 year old John: “I’m so excited that you guys decided to spend the weekend with me. I’ve got so much planned for us!”
28 year old JR: Oh shit that’s tomorrow.
John: “For the fifth time, when does your flight get in? I’ll park the car and be waiting just past security for you.”
JR: “Do you know how the BART works? Ok, figure it out.”
John: I’ve already made a reservation for us at a really famous spot. We can go there straight from the airport because I’m sure you’re hungry.
JR: “Sorry I already ate something.” You’re an adult I don’t need to schedule lunches for you.
John: First stop, my apartment to drop their bags and freshen up.
JR: “We have to stop at the grocery store
so I can buy some more eggs. Wait in the car.”
John: “Bro, of course I took PTO! No way I’d work with you in town.”
JR: “By the way I have to work from the dining room table tomorrow for six hours.” shrugs
John: OK, first place we go is that super touristy building/bridge/area that ten thousand other out of town idiots will be at too.
JR: Yeah no, we’re not doing that shit. I have a roof deck and beer, though.
John: I made sure to purchase some local beer and food to stock the fridge. I want to make sure you have an authentic experience.
JR: “You know what’s legal here right?”
John: “You guys care if this girl I’ve been seeing meets up with us later?” She’ll bring all her friends and we’ll all get laid.
JR: Don’t worry, the Capital R Roommate
left the state for the weekend. We could meet up with her friends, but they’re all married.
John: We really need to make sure we maximize our time and see everything we can in such a short period.
JR: “Yeah, that’s Super Nintendo. We should start a Super Mario World 3 file…”
John: Lets friends share the bed and takes the couch.
JR: Forgets where the air mattress is.
John: “Don’t worry, most of this weekend is on me. Besides, you guys spent the money to come out here.”
JR: “Credit card roulette?” Chances are high I end up making money this weekend.
John: Tonight we hit the bars to see if we can get you boys some action.
JR: Tonight we go to the liquor store then back to my apartment that’s starting to smell like a sewage plant.
John: “Dude, smart move scheduling a redeye flight back Sunday night!”
JR: I’m just going to sit on the couch in front of Redzone all Sunday. You’d better be gone.
John: “If anybody asks, we had a low-key weekend.”
JR: I wonder if they’re annoyed that we’re having a low-key weekend. Either way, I don’t care.
John: Man, I’m fucking beat. “Who are we visiting next!?”
JR: “Ooh, bummer. I’m out of town that weekend.”.
Respond
JR Hickey
Stand up comedian and writer from Chicago who now resides on the West Coast. JR can be seen performing at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco and Zanies Comedy Clubs in Chicago. His work has been published in the Chicago Tribune and recently he was a part of SF Sketchfest 2015. JR's also the host of the PGP dating podcast Don't Take It From Us. He loves you very, very much.
@JRwilldoit
@JRwilldoit
I think I would be annoyed by your younger self if I visited. Rooftop deck, beer and Super Mario 3 sounds like a nice little weekend.
JR, I was in San Fran 2 weeks ago. If I come back there lets do some drugs on your roof deck, play video games, and write jokes so we can hit the stand up scene. I’ll open up for you and completely bomb to soften the audience and you can roll in there and knock them dead (figuratively because I’m not really into murdering people for real)
Neither am I…murder is wrong.
That’s true man, I’m glad we’re on the same page in that one.
Don’t visit him, Neirbo, he’s only repressing his murderous episodes.
Watching Devin bomb on purpose would probably be low key the funniest thing I’ve ever seen
I’ll just go up there and be like “so what do you folks think about the String Cheese Incident? I myself haven’t been able to cope and recover from it. Oh you thought I was talking about that jam band? Go fuck yourselves, alright.”
I don’t know what happens to people after they turn 24 but it’s like somebody puts out a light. I wish people had enthusiasm for anything the way we did when we were in college. Seriously miss that shit.
We were stupid as hell in college
Is it better to be stupid and happy or smart and miserable
Way too deep for a Thursday…
Stupid and happy it is
Don’t sell yourself short, Hickey. Wish I could visit you….damn loans.
At least you didn’t kill your guests and stuff them in a trunk
You’re not wrong
What ever gave you an idea like that………….
The worst is when guests are thrown off by higher prices when they visit. Yes, things are more expensive here, because people are actually competing for housing, goods, and services. If you want to visit and just enjoy fine craft beer and other Coloradan delicacies at my condo, fine, but I’m not planning a friggin’ vacation around your broke ass spending habits.
Roommate has friends visiting this weekend. Safe to say I’m going to be as incognito and not there as much as possible.
If you think you are a bad host now, wait until you have a kid. It goes from not giving a shit to actively having to restrain yourself from strangling your clueless house guest who has no idea what it’s like to have your entire schedule dictated by an emotionally fragile slob with next to no survival instincts.
Friends stop visiting me because I refused to go to any of the Smithsonian Museums. Not sad about it one bit.
I would cheese my face off if I had the opportunity to spend unlimited hours in the Smithsonians. I’m a huge nerd and also ok with that. PGPM?
Oh they are great, but after 5 visits and seeing the same exhibits it gets old. If someone visiting wants to see them I tell them to come in on Thursday and go Friday while I’m at work.
I know what you mean. That and teaching them the unspoken rules of the Metro. #AlwaysToTheRight
Tourist on metro during rush hours are the worst.
“Bro I took PTO” and not actually taking PTO is the biggest dick move