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Everyone has a kid in their group of friends that is universally hated. He’s kept around because the rest of the group is a.) too lazy to tell this guy to suck one or b.) has been in the group so long that it’s not worth the fight that would commence once you confronted the guy about how annoying he is. Now, I’m not sure that everyone has a guy like the one I’m about to describe in their group, but if you do, just know that I can sympathize with you. So cheers to everyone with enough patience to put up with “The Guy Who Has To Comment On Everything.” I’m fed up. I’ve absolutely had it. The next time this shit happens to me, I’m saying something because I’m at my boiling point.
Don’t you ever just want to tell someone to shut the fuck up? Societal norms tell us we can’t do this, but why? What is so wrong with telling a person to shut their mouth? If they’re being annoying, shouldn’t they have a right to know?
Back before I moved to Texas, I was sitting at home watching an NBA Playoff game with my dad and a buddy from high school who I hadn’t seen in a while. Marv Albert was doing play-by-play for the game, and every time Marv said something – whether it was a simple mention of the fact that the ball went out of bounds or a metaphor that didn’t quite work – my friend was there to make some stupid remark.
It got to be so annoying that my dad finally left the room. I didn’t say anything because a.) I hadn’t seen this kid in a while and I wanted to be nice and b.) I didn’t want to get in an argument. So I thought if I kept giving him one-word answers and little half-assed laughs to his dumbass comments he would get the hint and shut the hell up. But he couldn’t do it. After all of my non-answers, he continued on like this for the rest of the game. It was unbelievably annoying. But it wasn’t just this kid. There always seems to be one somewhere around me, whether I’m in Michigan, Texas, Illinois, etc.
And it isn’t just during sporting events. It happens during movies, tv shows, any sort of live event being broadcast – there is always one guy there to make some generic, painfully obvious comment that doesn’t need to be addressed. It’s like he can’t stand the silence of a room so he has to hear himself speak. It’s unbelievably annoying for a person like me who just likes some peace and quiet when I’m trying to listen to what’s happening on the television. But what can you really say to someone like this? “Hey man, your voice is annoying me can you just watch the fucking show, please?” Nah, I don’t think that would fly.
The guy who comments during sporting events with unoriginal takes he heard from Stephen A. Smith isn’t even as close to as bad as the guy who has to say whatever the hell pops into his head during an episode of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia or when you’re watching a 30 for 30. “Man, Isiah was such a dick. I love that guy.” Like, yeah, good one, man. Thanks for sharing. He’ll then look at me expecting to say something. I’ll roll my eyes or shrug my shoulders, look over and say a very succinct “yeah” and pray to God that he keeps his mouth shut for the rest of the episode.
I just want to know why. Why does this guy have to get his two cents in every. single. time? Is it because he knows he’s the annoying guy in the group? Is he trolling? Is it because he genuinely believes his takes are important and worthy of my time? I can’t understand it, but then again I struggle to understand most people because I’m convinced I’m the smartest person in every room I walk into.
I get annoyed easily. Anyone who knows me or reads my articles knows this. I can’t help it, that’s just my personality. But if you can’t agree with me that the guy who has to get a comment in on every little thing is awful then you are a part of the problem. Let’s start telling these people to shut the fuck up. It’s ruining my television watching experience. .
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
I know, right. Fuck that guy.
Seriously, what’s with these guys who have to comment on everything like they’re not-so-secretly searching for the approval of hundreds of people they don’t know?
Because we’re digitally itinerant lunatics, Derek.
When I first read the title of this I was thinking this article was going to be like a big subtweet at a user on PGP.
I was a little disappointed that wasn’t the case
There are so many of us that he could have been talking about. I was excited. Now I think I’m commenting more out of spite than anything, because all the hot takes have been covered.
Maybe it’s a dig at all of us? Also I would advise him to not specifically target Nived because damn I would not want to be on his bad side. Shit gets dark when he’s in a GOOD mood.
Shibbs or Nierbo were my top picks.
It wouldn’t be in Dudda’s best interest to hate on Shibb and I. Our comments drive traffic to these columns/the blog (probably). #startedfromthecommentsnowwehere
Wow, every day you have an article about something new you hate. Being friends with you and avoiding pissing you off must be sorta exhausting.
This whole websites become a breeding ground for negative nancys.
In today’s idiocracy, cynics and negative nancy’s are the only ones with their heads screwed on straight.
I swear this has to be a content strategy in an attempt to go viral and increase readership. PGP has been the Hot Take Express lately.
People have complained about them writing articles that are related to news items of what millennials are doing and original stories are difficult to come up with every week. These types of articles are relatable to certain people and those people enjoy them.
I understand why they do it, it’s just a little tiresome when every article as you scroll down is a hot take.
Can’t imagine how hard it must be scrolling down a little and not reading it
Self confidence is an asset in any person. A threat to people that don’t have it
The irony of commenting on this isn’t lost on me.
Won’t lie I got worried this may be about me.
I don’t know if getting called out like that on a PGP article is an accomplishment or an “I need to take a long hard look in the mirror and evaluate my life choices to date” moment.
Time to pop a zanny or get yourself some BC bud and chill the fuck out, or you’re gonna give yourself a brain bleed, brother.
I can’t help but feel attacked. John boy getting on my bad list as usual.
Just realized how liberal a comment that was and for that I apologize
#triggered
I had a hearty laugh at this. Expect some good graces to come your way.
Get back to your right side. The dark aide
Jesus, aren’t you the original hippie socialist?
Hippie republican.
It seems like this guy is more often than not the narcissist/pathological liar of the group too
Confidence. Get some
I can’t help making audible predictions of what’s going to happen next when watching cheesey network TV episodes.
I think I do this, simply because I’m an awkward human being and can barely hold much conversation in the first place. My bad 🙁