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Last night, a young man named LaMelo Ball did something pretty remarkable: He dropped 92 points in a high school basketball game.
Let that sink in: NINETY-TWO POINTS.
Here’s another factor for you: He scored 41 of those 92 points in the fourth quarter.
Also: High school basketball quarters are 8 minutes long.
One more thing: He’s a HIGH SCHOOL SOPHOMORE. 15 years old.
This kid comes from a pretty solid basketball lineage. His oldest brother, Lonzo, is currently projected to be a Top-3 pick in the upcoming NBA draft, possibly #1 overall. Middle brother LiAngelo, who plays on the same team as LaMelo and leads the team in scoring, will be playing at UCLA next year like Lonzo and, eventually, LaMelo. Oh yeah, LaMelo already committed to UCLA. He knows where he’s going to college at 15.
I guarantee that none of us have ever done anything that remarkable in our entire lives, let alone at 15 years old. Certainly not me. Definitely not me.
Here are 92 things I was doing as a High School sophomore that weren’t nearly as cool:
1. Being Drum major of the marching band (I got a shiny white uniform and all)
2. Not getting noticed by girls
3. Squeezing into a speedo for swim team practice
4. Riding the bench at said swim team meets because I was tremendously unathletic
5. Discovering hair…down there.
6. Popping a shitload of pimples.
7. Having unfortunate, ill-timed vocal cracks.
8. Having unfortunate, ill-timed woodies.
9. Going from Honors math to Remedial math in one fell swoop
10. Walking into a bathroom to discover that someone somehow shit all over every surface but the toilet
11. Having an asthma attack in gym class
12. Misplacing my inhaler
13. Getting laughed at, a lot
14. Calling the number scribbled on a bathroom wall promising a good time
15. Getting cyberbullied
16. Trying out for the winter musical ‘Grease,’ thinking it would somehow get me noticed by my crush
17. Not getting noticed by my crush for several years
18. Joining an all-male a cappella group called Choral Pleasure. (No, seriously.)
19. Playing a tremendous amount of Nintendo GameCube
20. Being disappointed by Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
21. Getting my mind fucking blown by Batman Begins
22. Being slightly underwhelmed by Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
23. Running around saying “I wish I could quit you.” Thanks, Brokeback Mountain.
24. Definitely still playing Yu-Gi-Oh
25. Definitely jumping on a couch like Tom Cruise
26. Probably humping a couch at some point
27. Looking at Kanye West with a blank, gaping stare.
28. Rarely, if ever, leaving my basement
29. Having the only all-dude ‘Dance Dance Revolution’ party night after night, week after week, for several months
30. Hanging out at comic book stores
31. Being creeped out by older dudes who hang out at comic book stores, hoping to never be one of them in the future
32. Becoming a regular at the Chinese restaurant next door to the comic book store, possibly putting their kids through college
33. Doing weird shit to my own body
34. Tripping and falling in front of the entire school at an assembly
35. Discovering manscaping, despite not getting any attention south of the border for at least another two years
36. Dating a girl a solid two years older than me (go figure)
37. Not going to prom with said girl so I could take the PSATs (sounds about right)
38. Getting beat up on the school bus
39. Getting beat up behind the school
40. Getting beat up in gym class
41. Watching Season 2 of The Apprentice (Who knew?)
42. Thinking I could play guitar because of ‘Guitar Hero’
43. Buying Sirius Satellite Radio a year early so I could listen to Howard Stern out of fear that they’d sell out (They didn’t.)
44. Buying Sirius Satellite Radio stock, thinking it would blow up once Howard Stern joined the service (It didn’t.)
45. Seeing the ultimate horror movie for someone like me: The 40-Year-Old Virgin
46. NOT drinking at parties.
47. NOT doing drugs at parties.
48. NOT getting invited to parties.
49. DEFINITELY playing Magic: The Gathering.
50. DEFINITELY dressing up like Harry Potter for Halloween, complete with authentic movie-replica wand.
51. Discovering blood in my stool that one time, thinking I somehow got my period.
52. Losing the race for student body president by a landslide.
53. Getting detention for talking too loudly in Band rehearsal.
54. Buying all the 75% off candy on Valentine’s Day at CVS.
55. Going on Weight Watchers.
56. Going on the Atkins diet.
57. Going to my first Bruce Springsteen concert (Okay, I did like ONE cool thing)
58-91. Discovering porn. Gobs and gobs of porn.
92. NOT dropping 92 points in a basketball game..
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