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I’m not letting any big, metaphorical cat out of the bag when I say the task of getting to know members of the opposite sex, especially potential suitors, can be frustrating. Sometimes it feels like the high school home economics project where you’re supposed to carry an egg around with you like it’s a living thing and do your best not to crack it, let alone blatantly demolish it. At first, no one knows the exact perfect things to do or say; everyone is just trying not to drop his or her new egg before even getting it out in public. I’d like to think communication about expectations is the cure all, but there are some assumptions about things the female gender says or does that can be wildly misconstrued by the seemingly terrified male race.
The Response To “What are you looking for?”
I’ve never really understood the point of this question unless it’s asked in the short-term frame of mind. Current circumstances may warrant the “I’m not sure, I just got out of a relationship,” or “I’m really tied up at work,” or “I’m just looking for a good time” responses, though those are usually a front until either she’s sure if she likes you or sure if you like her. However, I know of no woman whose ultimate, down-the-road answer is any of that–and for that matter, I doubt any man’s is either. That said, I don’t recommend answering any kind of future-oriented questions with, “I wanna get married, have 1.75 children, a dog, and move to the suburbs within the next X years (insert gun to frowny face emoticons).” However, guys getting freaked out about even dating a girl because she wants to get married to someone some unknown day in the future is absurd.
That Our Friends Know About You
Close girlfriends share everything with one another, from “So, have you heard from that guy you met at the bar who got your number two weeks ago last Friday?” to “Is he good in all the right places?” to “Do you see yourself with him long-term?” While girlfriends may provide insight on how to keep from ending up in a less than optimal situation, not getting hurt, or play up or keep in check the wandering, daydreaming girl minds (depending on the girlfriends’ approval of the gentleman at hand) certainly do not plot against you in a conversation entitled Diamond Rings and Domestication 101. If we don’t talk about you to our girlfriends, that’s when you should worry.
Girls are over-thinkers, that’s a given. These days, when a large part of opposite sex communication occurs via keyboard, over-thinking is at an all time high. It is extremely hard to gauge someone’s tone via text, especially when it’s someone you may not know all that well yet. If we have a question about how something came across, whether it be through a text or maybe even in person, we’d rather just discuss it than let it bug the shit out of us until we’re certain you either hate us, you’re just an ass, or both. This doesn’t mean there’s a little spaz mouse running a little crazy wheel in our heads; it just means we don’t know what the hell you meant by that last weird text or odd gesture. It should also be acknowledged that no one is a mind reader here (and honestly, thank goodness, because yikes). This leads to a topic of major discrepancy between our two very different species:
Women get that men are a bit more reserved in the sharing feelings department. Some of that is a good thing, as women like an emotionally strong dude. However, we also like to know where we stand, and we also like to know you enjoy just shooting the shit with us, as well as our general company. If our minds are left to wander due to a communication breakdown (cue the Led Zeppelin sound bite) scroll back up and read the over-analyzation paragraph one more time for some help.
Guys, though we girls may have constantly running, “crazy” girl minds, which we are well aware of, it doesn’t mean everything we say or do is a trap to start a fight, scare you, or keep you from spreading your man wings. You confuse us just as much as we confuse you, so let’s give each other a break as we’re all walking around on the shells of previously dropped eggs, just trying our best not to break this new one. Deal?