37 Signs You Went To A Party School


  1. You know people who have done multiple stints in rehab.
  2. You have a school-specific drinking holiday and you go back for that instead of homecoming.
  3. It’s not “Have you ever been arrested?” It’s “What happened when you were arrested?”
  4. You laughed out loud when you found what the definition of “binge drinking” was.
  5. Half of your friends gained the freshman 15 and still haven’t lost it.
  6. You had a school-specific name for freshman weight gain.
  7. People think your very real stories are just made up or exaggerated.
  8. Your parents tried to send you to rehab after seeing how much you drank on your first summer vacation.
  9. You had “bar friends” who completely vanished from the face of the earth after you graduated.
  10. Your younger coworkers light up when you tell them where you went to college.
  11. Even the elderly alumni get hammered on game day.
  12. You thought the first cop that informed you that legally it is a dry campus was lying to you.
  13. You thought you went hard until you talked to that guy who had stories about what campus was like in the ’90s.
  14. Visiting friends from other schools barely made it to midnight when they visited you and you can still drink them under the table.
  15. You still have the guy who made your fake ID’s number in your cell phone contacts.
  16. You know someone who flunked out. Twice.
  17. Your fraternity’s pledges are still terrified of you and they’ve never even met you.
  18. A friend or coworker who went to your rival school refers to your alma mater as a daycare.
  19. You refer to your freshman year as your “$30,000 vacation.”
  20. You’ve “regretfully declined” going to a wedding because there wasn’t an open bar.
  21. You find yourself wondering what your coke guy is up to these days.
  22. You have horrified your coworkers with your behavior at happy hour.
  23. You have a list of “work approved” stories that you can go to whenever the topic of college comes up during the week.
  24. You still have TFM and Juicy Campus bookmarked on your toolbar.
  25. You and your friends still have that night that no one talks about when reminiscing.
  26. You can cite your Playboy party school ranking, but have no idea if whether or not you got a degree from an AAU certified university.
  27. You actually did know a great sand guy, and you sell him insurance now.
  28. You always assumed condoms were free and had no idea that you’d actually have to pay for them one day.
  29. You know multiple couples that had shotgun weddings.
  30. You get an email from one of your friends who wants to do spring break “one last time” every year until you’re 25.
  31. You still have your fake ID’s address memorized, but have trouble remembering your work address.
  32. The first couple who got married knew that the $500 deposit on the reception venue was a sunk cost.
  33. Half your clients are former drinking buddies.
  34. You have a moment of panic when a job interviewer gets to the “education” portion of your resumé.
  35. You still refer to every day of the week with its corresponding bar special. Dollar bottle Mondays, Two Dollar Tuesday, Wasted Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday, Sunday Funday, etc.
  36. You know the difference between normal police and riot police.
  37. You find yourself saying “God, I miss it…” on a daily basis.

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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