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They’re just not gonna take it anymore, ya know? Who’s they? Everyone, man. Everyone is tired of everyone telling everyone that everyone doesn’t matter. Because guess what? We’re, like, people too. So say the women bravely letting America know that real postpartum women piss their pants sometimes (unlike those greased up, tight bodied, unrealistic sluts from “Father of the Bride Part II.”) And so say the heroes telling humanity what real bodies look like (forget your Vegas pool party in “Entourage” wet dreams, sheeple, you’re living in an Indiana water park on a discount Sunday sort of world so DEAL WITH IT).
But those inspirational stories have passed. What I’m left wondering is who will be next to bravely step into the spotlight of social media and tell the world, “YOU CAN’T IGNORE ME ANYMORE!” Here are some guesses.
Brave Woman Shows The World Her Prolapsed Anus On Instagram And It’s AMAZING
Outie shaming is a thing of the past.
Inspiring Man Refuses To Let People Shame Him For Falling Off A Ladder
Real people lose their balance sometimes.
Incredible Girl Without Hands Stands Up To Social Media Bullies Who Ridicule Her For Sticking Her Hands In A Wood Chipper On A Dare
Mocking other people’s choices just means you aren’t brave enough to face your own.
By Regularly Using Their Playground Slide As A Toilet This Homeless Man Is Teaching Kids About Privilege And It’s AMAZING
A stark lesson that can never be learned too early.
Watch The INCREDIBLE Reaction These Teens Have When This Woman Shatters Their Youthful Perceptions Of Invincibility By Dying Right In Front Of Them
Earth to kids, you aren’t going to live forever. Prepare accordingly.
This Woman Questioned What “Healthy” Is By Posting Nude Photos To Instagram After The Doctor Who Performed Her Triple Bypass Called Her Lifestyle “Unhealthy” And It’s AMAZING
She may have a pig aorta inside of her now, but I think we all know who the real pig is (her doctor).
These High School Girls Are Ending The Stigma That “Girls Don’t Poop” By Periscoping Every Shit They Take And It’s AMAZING
The fairy tale is over, boys.
Brave Pigeon Challenges America To Acknowledge Its Real History By Telling The Story Of Its Dinosaur Ancestors
It’s high time everyone faces facts about how we all got here.
Low Income Family Refuses To Be Class Shamed, Leaves Best Buy With Two TVs After Being Told They Didn’t Have Enough Money To Pay For Them Just Because They Did Not, In Fact, Have Enough Money To Pay For Them
Fact based discrimination is still discrimination.
Neil DeGrasse Tyson Simultaneously Calls Out Everyone Everywhere For Being Ignorant Fucktards And It’s AMAZING
We’re all drunk chimps with severe CTE compared to the Star Wizard.
Illiterate Five Year Old Takes To Social Media To Call Out His Teacher For Ageist Microaggression After She Asked If He Could Write His Name
His caption might have made absolutely no sense, but his message was clear.
19 Year Old Minority Student Storms Into Nursing Home Full Of Old White Men Demanding An Apology And What Happens Next Is AMAZING
A lot of them died of surprise-induced heart attacks, which, you know, about time really because they’ve outstayed their welcome.
This Couple Started A Viral Instagram Account That Takes Pictures Of Feet And Calls Them Elbows To Challenge Our Perception Of “Normal” Bodies And It’s Saving The World
If this account didn’t exist the planet would literally spiral into the sun, and furthermore, it would deserve to..
Image via Shutterstock
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Rob Fox
Rob Fox is a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move (as Bacon), Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. From St. Louis originally, he currently lives in Austin, Texas, and still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living. He is also prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co
@BaconTFM
@bacontfm
This looks exactly like Buzzfeed’s front page
Trailblazing Vegan Throws Away Thousands of Pounds of Fresh Meat to Stand Up against Meat Eaters
Amazingly beautiful 600 pound man poses nude to show us all bodies are beautiful.
Damn it Rob, I was eating my lunch when I read that 1st one…
Can’t wait for the 22 year old mom with three kids to post ALL of these
Bacon what the fuck did I just read?
The scary thing is that we joke that this shit will happen. But then sure enough something similar happens
I’m guessing you read TumblrInAction
“19 Year Old Minority Student Storms Into Nursing Home Full Of Old White Men Demanding An Apology And What Happens Next Is AMAZING” – the nursing home didn’t feel like enough of a “safe space” so she pretty much had to do it.
No matter how many times you put amazing in all caps, this column will always be anything but.
Well hopefully you realize the satire and accept the humor. I used to despise Rob from his Bacon days at TFM, but this is pure gold.
Oh okay, these are AMAZING now, I just couldn’t distinguish them from the ones already on the page.