Things I’ve Gotten Worse At: Houseguests

Email this to a friend


Things I've Gotten Worse At: Hosting

Read last week’s Things I’ve Gotten Worse At: Clothes Shopping.

22 year old John: “I’m so excited that you guys decided to spend the weekend with me. I’ve got so much planned for us!”
28 year old JR: Oh shit that’s tomorrow.

John: “For the fifth time, when does your flight get in? I’ll park the car and be waiting just past security for you.”
JR: “Do you know how the BART works? Ok, figure it out.”

John: I’ve already made a reservation for us at a really famous spot. We can go there straight from the airport because I’m sure you’re hungry.
JR: “Sorry I already ate something.” You’re an adult I don’t need to schedule lunches for you.

John: First stop, my apartment to drop their bags and freshen up.
JR: “We have to stop at the grocery store
so I can buy some more eggs. Wait in the car.”

John: “Bro, of course I took PTO! No way I’d work with you in town.”
JR: “By the way I have to work from the dining room table tomorrow for six hours.” shrugs

John: OK, first place we go is that super touristy building/bridge/area that ten thousand other out of town idiots will be at too.
JR: Yeah no, we’re not doing that shit. I have a roof deck and beer, though.

John: I made sure to purchase some local beer and food to stock the fridge. I want to make sure you have an authentic experience.
JR: “You know what’s legal here right?”

John: “You guys care if this girl I’ve been seeing meets up with us later?” She’ll bring all her friends and we’ll all get laid.
JR: Don’t worry, the Capital R Roommate
left the state for the weekend. We could meet up with her friends, but they’re all married.

John: We really need to make sure we maximize our time and see everything we can in such a short period.
JR: “Yeah, that’s Super Nintendo. We should start a Super Mario World 3 file…”

John: Lets friends share the bed and takes the couch.
JR: Forgets where the air mattress is.

John: “Don’t worry, most of this weekend is on me. Besides, you guys spent the money to come out here.”
JR: “Credit card roulette?” Chances are high I end up making money this weekend.

John: Tonight we hit the bars to see if we can get you boys some action.
JR: Tonight we go to the liquor store then back to my apartment that’s starting to smell like a sewage plant.

John: “Dude, smart move scheduling a redeye flight back Sunday night!”
JR: I’m just going to sit on the couch in front of Redzone all Sunday. You’d better be gone.

John: “If anybody asks, we had a low-key weekend.”
JR: I wonder if they’re annoyed that we’re having a low-key weekend. Either way, I don’t care.

John: Man, I’m fucking beat. “Who are we visiting next!?”
JR: “Ooh, bummer. I’m out of town that weekend.”

Email this to a friend


Log in or create an account to post a comment.

Click to Read Comments (26)