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FRIDAY DIMEBAG: Is It Okay For Guys To Sit Down To Pee?

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It’s Friday and it’s SXSW week in Austin! That means I will be learning all about increasing my online personal brand presence and learning all about digital ROI and buzzwords that will make me want to murder an “entrepreneur” with a street taco at an EDM show. But seriously, if you’re in Austin next week and see me out, come say hi. I’ll buy you a drink, talk to you for a bit, and then act really awkward until you realize it’s time to walk away.

Anyway, let’s get to this week’s DIMEBAG:

Brian,

I’m just gonna get right to it. Is it okay for guys to OCCASIONALLY sit down to piss? No shame here, sometimes I am just too tired in the morning to withstand by body’s weight while hovering over the bowl. Sitting down to pee is quite relaxing and can lead to the start of a good day. Just a thought.

Thanks,
Luke

I’m going to join you in this noble and good fight, Luke. I think it’s more than perfectly okay for a man to sit down to pee, especially if it’s in the privacy of his own home. I spend a good five to ten minutes sitting on the john before getting in the shower in the morning. It’s a good time to catch up on social media, check email, and just get my day started rather than shuffle through the same, monotonous morning routine. I crave information to start the day. Also, I crave being a lazy piece of trash who only knows it’s time to get off the toilet and in the shower when his legs start to fall asleep. In fact, that’s really the only downside I see to this. The only con(s) that I really see about a man wanting to take a load off while draining the main vein is that it’s probably terrible for the circulation in your legs and you might lose track of time more easily. However, I do not think it’s acceptable to do so in a public restroom, for sanitary and reputational reasons. The less you have to plant your buns on a public toilet seat, the better. But if you find yourself in need of a break, by all means, pop a squat and take it easy while going number one.

Hi Brian,

I’m a fairly new Dimebag reader, but have quickly caught on and learned that you give great advice. I have a really good job..not my dream job, but I’m enjoying it enough to not complain. I consider myself lucky to work here..great pay, cool coworkers, flexible hours if needed; but my friend and I have recently decided to pick up, quit our jobs, and move to Australia for 6-12 months come the Fall. I believe now is the time to do it – we’re mid-20’s, not married, have no kids, and we neither feel like we’re working our dream jobs.

My question is – is it crazy to give up a decent job (more positive than negative) to go do this?

Thanks,

Kelsie

That was a really nice thing to say, Kelsie. Thank you, kind internet stranger.

If you don’t do this now, you’ll regret it forever. I had several friends go live abroad in Australia during and after college and they all loved it. It’s one of the most beautiful (if you’re okay with being terrorized by insects) places in the world and it’s firmly in the top five places I want to visit. They speak English, too! Do you know how rare that is? Think about all the places where English is the ONLY language spoken. Mostly terrible with the exception of fifteen American cities and London. Do it. Don’t look back. If you’re not working your “dream job,” then there’s nothing here to tie you down. Spread your wings and fly, little bird.

B McG,

Sorry for the late submission, but who you got in this year’s tourney? Also, what do you like more, winning the office pool for the cash or the bragging rights? And by the way, I’d say sorry about your Tigers sucking so bad, but I’m a Jayhawk fan so fuck those guys. Have a good one.

Rico

I usually don’t answer questions from the dirty, brown, water trash otherwise known as kansas Jayhawk fans. You guys will inevitably blow it in the Sweet Sixteen against a superior program like Arizona or North Carolina, you’ll bitch about Bill Self and then cower when he’s rumored to be in talks with an NBA team, then you’ll jizz all over yourselves when you sign some seventeen-year-old recruit who’s already broken a dozen NCAA rules, and for what? Because basketball is literally the only thing your state is good at. Gay people literally have no rights in your state, you are going to start putting teachers in jail for assigning books the government deems inappropriate, and Sam Brownback is the worst governor in the country and you reelected him. Also, there’s a reason why 90 percent of your state’s population is snuggled up against the Missouri border like a parasite. It’s because the rest of your state is a flat, infertile, desolate wasteland incapable of supporting human life.

But to answer your question, I’ve got Kentucky over Oklahoma.

Brian,

Been on a big Tommy Bahama kick lately. How much is too much? Please advise.

Thanks.

When you run out of money.

In seriousness, there’s no need to limit yourself to just one purveyor of pineapple pattern. I’m about to push the hell out of Man Outfitters, but they’ve got an awesome collection of Reyn Spooner Hawaiians. I will always pledge my undying loyalty to TB, but mix things up a bit. Also, don’t be that guy who wears a Hawaiian everywhere. We need to make this trend last as long as possible and make sure it never goes away. Silk shirts have never been this cool.

Dearest SFW Content Manager,

Current senior at a Midwestern Land Grant, had the internship last summer and got the full-time corporate offer last August. Graduation is quickly approaching and my bank account is dive bombing toward zero.

I have 4 weeks at home in the farm to separate college and the start of my corporate climb.

The hard shock of the real world is coming and I’m getting scared. Do I pump the brakes in April as to lessen the shock? Or do I continue to run my life and body into the ground as a final hurrah?

Def Leppard said it best: “It’s better to burn out than fade away.” You go balls to the wall in your last few weeks of college. If you have to put yourself in a little bit of credit card debt, that’s okay. This is the last time you and your friends will be living in the same place. The final month of college is an insane marathon of blacked out nights, goodbyes, and irresponsibility. Embrace it fully, pass your finals, graduate, and get your ass paid. The real world ain’t all that bad if you find a job you can stand going to. Join us.

Brian,

Just wanted to throw out the tried-and-true sports bar question. Who do you see winning the East and the West and facing off in the NBA Finals this year?

I’m not a big NBA guy, but for the sake of Grandex, I am praying that Ross Bolen’s Rockets or the D-man’s Mavs take it all down out of the West. As for the East? Probably the Hawks, right? I don’t know. I’m a college basketball guy.

If you’ve got a question for next week’s DIMEBAG, shoot it my way: brian@grandex.co.

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting inappropriately drunk in public.

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