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If he likes to fish, he’s gonna let you know about it. Like, really. All of his pictures will be him with a catch. All. Of. Them. He may not even be in the picture with said fish.
- “Work hard, play hard(er).”
- Some guys will only post one picture, as if that’s enough for anything with ovaries.
- Every picture is a group picture. WHICH ONE ARE YOU?
- “P.S. Not my kid(s).”
- Sometimes the only shared interest we have is “Fight Club,” essentially letting me know we have nothing to talk about. Because the first rule of “Fight Club” is…
- Every picture is of him in sunglasses with maybe a picture of him after a night of drinking thrown into the mix. Basically, you can’t really see his eyes, which just screams “trustworthy.”
- A random quote, be it from F. Scott Fitzgerald or “Animal House,” that is not pertinent to anything.
- Gym selfies. So many gym selfies. Shirtless gym selfies, cut-off tee gym selfies, pull-my-shirt-up gym selfies, mid-workout gym selfies. Just gym selfies.
- “Just looking for my Tinderella.” That was funny maybe the first time I heard it.
- The occasional guido-wannabe. Wasn’t aware this was still a thing until Tinder. Wasn’t aware this was a thing in the South, either. The more you know…
- Pictures with random, unspecified women. Is this your sister? Is this your wife? Regardless, automatic left swipe, fellas.
- Either no bio or his entire life story.
- “I thought this was a campfire app…” LOL no.
- “New to this but let’s see what happens…” It has been his Tinder bio for the past year.
- Their Twitter or Instagram handles. Which really, if you think about it, defeats the purpose of Tinder: anonymity. Girls be creepin’.
- The way-too-attractive guy with all the right pictures, who will inevitably message you with, “Hey, cutie ;)” and insult your adulthood.
- “You’re it.”–entrapment for ticking time bombs and girls with low self-esteem
- Blurry pictures or pictures so pixelated that they could’ve been (and probably were) used for their MySpace profile in 2003.
- For ages 18-23: Patagonia, Vineyard Vines, the Bro-tie, America apparel, Chubbies, American flag-print Chubbies, Polo, and don’t even get me started on the visors. The abundance of this is staggering.
- The black-and-white or otherwise overly-filtered pictures of the artsy, mean-mugging guy. He can be found at least once every ten swipes.
- A picture that isn’t a picture of himself as the first picture you see. I can only assume you’re ashamed of yourself, bro.
- “I don’t know what to put here.” So I’ll just put this? Makes sense. Those student loans sure were worth it.
- Driving selfies.
- Groomsman pictures. You’re letting a bunch of strange women see what you could potentially look like on your wedding day. If you want to open up that can of crazy, more power to ya.
- 5K pictures, making me painfully aware that if I swipe right and by some miracle we take this Tindership out on dry land, you’re probably going to ask me to run. And no.
- High school football pictures. Nothing says, “I’m a man,” quite like someone who tries to get a woman via his glory days.
- “Not looking for love.” Well, duh.
Moral of the story: if you’re looking for love on Tinder, you’re probably looking in the wrong place. If you’re looking for someone to Snapchat nudes to, DING DING DING, we have a winner.
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@lnsayers
@lnsayers
Buzzfeed wants this column back.
Shots fired.
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Douche bags ruined Chubbies for the rest of us.
Buy shorts and have them tailored. What were you doing before Chubbies? I’ve never owned a pair.
That’s exactly what I was doing.
so true
I don’t care what you say, Patagonia, Vineyard Vines, the Bro-tie, America apparel, Chubbies, American flag-print Chubbies, and Polos (all of which is “America apparel”) should be a staple of every man’s wardrobe.
Buffalo Jackson is where it’s at. Nice clothing that revolves around looking like a man. Check errrrrrrr out.
Actually they seem quite affordable.
#25 5Ks AND crossfit pics… and again, no.
Say what you will, but it works.
Tigers
Machu Picchu
Skydiving
so many hunting/fishing/gun/skydiving pictures.
#28 – their entire “about me” section consists of KCCO. Because I necessarily care that he spends 50% of his free time on The Chive.
Damn it on the groomsman photo
Tinder is still a thing?