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There are certain situations in life that are just unwinnable: your friend has an awful significant other, internet arguments and the last level in the Sega Genesis “Jurassic Park” game. Situations such as these are a part of life and are unavoidable. As I’ve gotten to the ripe age of 27, there seems to be truth in regards to said situations: when it’s 4th and long, it is time to punt.
Unlike in Madden or that crazy coach that goes for every 4th down (RIP NCAA based football games), going for it on 4th and 7 from your own 35 is never a good idea. We aren’t in high school anymore, and life isn’t a game. The juice ain’t worth the squeeze.
What does it mean to punt? In this regard, it means to evaluate the situation, realize that your efforts are futile or it’s an unwinnable situation, and kick it away. Rather than rage quitting or throwing in the towel, you’re giving the predicament time to work itself out while hoping that your defense came to play. Eventually, you will get the ball back in some way, shape or form and pray that your offense executes a little better in the next set of downs.
For me, it happened with a guy that was my best friend in college. I was his Best Man in his wedding. He married a girl (she’s a legit 9+) that cheated on him with Seth Rogan’s hairier, fatter ginger brother with a Minotaur nose ring. We were already very close before this particular unfortunate occasion, but this high level treason and ensuing fallout was what made us best friends.
I remember it like it was yesterday, finding out and buying a bottle of Gentleman Jack. We crushed the thing together. It was a nightmare to say the least. When she came crawling back, he took her back against our advice. The wedding was beautiful, and I nailed the Best Man speech, but there was a lingering air of awkwardness because everyone in attendance knew the deal. Since being married, I’ve seen him three times and we’ve talked maybe five times on the phone. I’ll call and get no response, but if I’m lucky I’ll receive a text a few days later.
At a certain point, I realized, “Why do I care?” We were great friends and clicked immediately even before she cheated on him. We would spend every day together with our group of friends and when we said our goodbyes, we vowed to keep in touch. I held up my end, but I think the knowledge that our friends had about their less than savory union coupled with the fact his wife hates all of us has given him the tough choice between his friends or his wife.
Ron White once said, “You can’t fix stupid”. Sure, every guy knows the mantra “bros before hos,” but how many of you know people/friends/family that married a controlling guy/girl? The ones who have to ask for permission and have to do some sort of chore or penance for having some “guy” or “girl” time. It’s no way to live.
Everyone reaches a threshold where enough is enough. You can only lead a horse to water so many times before your give-a-fuckometer runs out of batteries. I’ve found that the less you give a shit, the happier you’ll be.
I don’t know if he and I will ever rekindle our friendship. It used to bother me a lot and I’d get fired up about it when talking to our mutual friends. So I did the only thing I could do: I punted the situation away. That’s the point of punting. Let your defense do the work. Life is a long game, and you’ll get the ball back possibly with even better field position. Hopefully, there’s enough time on the clock to run it into the end zone..
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Madoff
I specialize in damage control, being the drunkest at any and all functions and social assassination. Always appreciate a strong gif game. Follow me on Twitter. Sometimes I put up cool stuff about golfing at the local dirt tracks.
@BLMInvestment
Dudes wife sounds like a real punt
What a PUN-t
Think it’s FAIR to say she wasn’t much of a CATCH
You got that right. Sounds like a hard PASS.
Everyone is scrambling for these.
Oh ho ho! People are on point with the wordplay today.
Don’t you mean on punt?
I dunno, I’m not sure the returns are there
*wipes a tear* That… That was beautiful.
I like your message, but I think your analogy is a little off: You didn’t punt here; you scored a touchdown, kicked off, he put a knee in the end zone and you’re waiting for him to start his drive from the 20 (now 25, thanks Goodell). Your offense did its job and now the defense is waiting to see if he’ll attempt a comeback or throw in the towel with plenty of time left on the clock.
It’s tough man. I was his best man, we were great friends. Getting picked over is understandable but at what cost? Life isn’t always black and white. Hopefully, time does what it does and we get to play a set of downs with the second wife. Not hopeful though.
I understand completely. Have a friend who just left his wife because he is having an affair (no one knew about it) and chose to be with the other woman. He essentially left everyone for this one chick. Makes no sense, hopefully he gets it figured out like your buddy.
via GIPHY
I guess this is growing up
Read this and then cleaned out my contacts and social media of all “friends” I’ll never see or speak to again. Felt good.
This is phenomenal advice. It’s too bad your investors didn’t have this info.
When I first read the title, I definitely thought that this column was going to be about having someone at work do your work for you. PGP?
Great column though, your boy is gonna come crawling back in 5-10 years when he finds out that his wife cheated on him again. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
“Sounds like your buddy should have punted on 2nd down with that girl or QB sneaked it the fuck out of there” – Captain Hindsight
When your Alma Mater finally has a top 25 team, and they discontinue the NCAA Games – PGP
I had a very similar situation recently. One of my best friends got married three years ago, and I was the best man in his wedding. About a month after the wedding my buddy just disappeared off the face of the earth. Went from having a standing weekly appointment for fishing and beers to only seeing him at major annual events (fantasy draft, 4th of July etc). Needless to say it bummed all of us out. But in the last year or so he’s turned a corner and we see more of him and he makes an effort to hang. With time your buddy will either make a stand and hang out more, or he’s just lost in the sauce.
The one key difference is that his wife doesn’t hate us. She’s just needy and doesn’t like being left alone.