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People hate people. It’s a fact of life. Sure, other people might provide good things like comedic entertainment and blowjobs, but the majority of us fantasize about pushing others off a cliff. And now finally, in a slap-my-forehead, why-didn’t-I-think-of-that moment, someone has found a way to monetize our overwhelming hatred of each other.
Enter Jabbrrbox — a 7-by-5-foot box designed for those who will pay to lock themselves away from the world. Jabbrrbox describes its product as “a technology-equipped workspace that is plush, and quiet. Designed for the mobile workers of the world who need a better work environment on the go.” And while I appreciate their overly verbose mission statement carefully crafted by a recent MBA-grad, I’m all for calling this what it is: a box to sit in when you just can’t with life.
The most popular recipient of Jabbrrbox’s are airports – most notably LaGuardia International Airport in New York City. And due to the fact that New York business-travelers are probably the most hate-filled folk in the western world, it makes sense that one of the first Jabbrrbox rollouts would be there. Users pay $10 for 15 minutes, and $30 for an hour – all to become a living department store window, since the glass door to the box leaves you open and vulnerable to the stares of the world. It comes equipped with USB chargers, mood lighting, and even a photo booth camera (for what reason, only the Lord knows).
But for the sake of being a dick here, I do have a few holes to poke in their product. For one, what happens when the person before you downs two (2) Big Macs, a 10-piece chicken nugget, and a large fry? You just paid to lock yourself in a deep-fryer smelling gas chamber for an hour. I for one would not be ok with that. Also, what if I lock myself in the box and 40 minutes into my sesh I have to use the bathroom? Is wetting myself the only acceptable alternative if I don’t want to forfeit the time I paid? This is a genuine concern.
Either way, these fancy box chamber rooms do actually excite me. It’s a welcome, long-overdue solution for people who live their lives in a constant state of can’t even. .