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When I was a kid, my dad always told me to work for the government because, “It was the tit that never ran out of milk.”
Maybe that’s why I’m a boobs guy, but I think there is some truth in his statement. After completing undergrad, then the halfway house to adulthood that is grad school, I fired out applications in state, local, federal, and university jobs across the nation. After a few interviews (most notably at the FBI), I landed my current job. Most people’s perception of working in the public sector is from TV shows like Parks and Recreation. There are definitely elements of truth when describing bureaucracy, red tape, and all those other buzzwords you may or may not have learned in some throwaway general elective political science class years ago.
Despite this, working in the public sector kicks ass. Many of you are in the private sector toiling away in your own cubicle; we aren’t so different. Most of my friends are in the private sector. They put in long hours as a “Loans Setup Specialist,” “HR Adjudication Compliance Specialist,” or “Supply Chain Software Consultant,” but I can show up when I please and leave (within reason) when I please.
My work week is set at a Henry Ford style: M-F, 40-hours a week. I usually roll in around what I refer to as “Work Twilight,” that time when people arrive and screw around on their computers before they actually start working. No one notices me and it sets the stage for the day. Work twilight is approximately 8-10:30 a.m.
Around 11, I usually do about 30 minutes of work before lunch to feel some sense of accomplishment. This “work” comes in many forms, including setting up graphs, checking email, or retying my shoes so I don’t trip on the way back from heating up lunch.
After lunch, I refresh Reddit, sports blogs, the news etc. to see if anything has happened since I read them this morning. Usually it has not. From here, I contemplate writing the two-page report I have exactly one month to write that would take me 30 minutes to complete. I realize I still have two weeks to do it and continue to peruse the internet. No one reads these things anyway unless there is an extreme abuse in power or budget cuts. I usually do all of my reports one week before they are due to make myself look like a real go-getter. Unless you are on Garfield levels of laziness, the deadlines that the public sector demands are very easy to meet.
After exhausting all my media and deciding my eyes are worn out from staring at my double monitors for four hours, I go on a “meet and greet.” Sometimes I go check in with my boss to see if she has anything for me. I knew the answer to this before I went, but she’s a great boss and always has some great insight into life, day-to-day chat, some drama from the state department, or just to show face. From there, I do a lap around the building to see what’s going on and round out my voyage to chat with Jimmy for 10-20 minutes.
By now, it’s somewhere in the 1-2 p.m. range. Only two hours to go. I sit down and shoot the shit with my coworkers in cubicle land. Check the clock to see an hour and a half left. I do another 30 minutes of work and realize it’s almost time to hit the dusty trail. Sometimes there are conference calls or webinars sprinkled in the week that I halfway pay attention to. The hardest part about these is watching the people fail famously trying to set up their technology and deliver their long winded “look what I did” presentation. Just gotta remember to mute the line.
Once the minutes wind down and the freedom bell tolls, I race walk my ass out of the building and onto the real part of the day. The best part about this is knowing that my work email and phone aren’t connected so I am burden free until the next day. I porch drink now more than I did in college. Don’t even think about trying to get anything done on a Friday because “Zombie Fridays” are only there for people to be there in body, but not in mind.
I never fear being fired. My work is solid and you basically have to murder or commit a felony to get fired in the public sector. It’s not that I’m lazy, there just isn’t a whole lot to do. Funding is almost always chosen through “the good ol’ boy network,” and someone is always on vacation or out of the office so there is usually a tie-up in the work process anyway.
My friends often tell me about their awful, slave driver bosses, inept district manager, or Gestapo-level Branch Manager that micromanages everything. I honestly feel bad for people with shitty bosses. I am fearful of the day I have to move on to “bigger and better things” a.k.a. more money, because my boss and direct coworkers are wonderful. Maybe I’m not cut out for the highly competitive “it’s not what have you done but what have you done lately” atmosphere, but I’m completely fine with that.
While there are definitely some shortcomings of the public sector such as red tape, unqualified people that have been there since the seventies with a high school degree and a lot of technologically challenged Baby Boomers, the pros definitely outweigh the cons. There will never be an agreement on public vs. private, nor should there be. The only agreement I can see is that work is just something we do in between happy hours, weekends, and wedding season. My boy Oscar Wilde said it best, “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”.
Image via YouTube
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Madoff
I specialize in damage control, being the drunkest at any and all functions and social assassination. Always appreciate a strong gif game. Follow me on Twitter. Sometimes I put up cool stuff about golfing at the local dirt tracks.
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I cried a little reading this at my lab bench. Only 40 hours a week? A desk? That’s the dream. Didn’t cry too loud though, or someone will come by and ask why I’m not working. They aren’t paying me 40K a year to be sad all day.
They pay me 22K a year.
I’m finishing a masters program to move into a PhD. I know all the feels.
My tax dollars well spent
No kidding. the title should really be “Humble Brag, I Waste Your Money.”
Lolz at the butt hurt government employees “meh”ing me because they know they are contributing to the deficit.
You’re right; it is totally a public sector employees’ salary that we should be most concerned with when it comes to the deficit and debt in general.
Thanks Obama…
as someone on the government cheese I cannot agree enough with this article
No kidding. He forgot to throw in one of the biggest bonuses: after 10 years working for the gov, all school loans are forgiven.
That’s also true for working in the nonprofit industry.
How’s the salary? Seriously it sounds too good to not have a down side.
Well I only interned on the Hill for a semester in college, so I couldn’t really speak to the federal side of things, but coming from a southern state government perspective, the salary depends a lot on which agency hired you. There are “tiers” of state agencies–such as DSS and DMV usually being the bottom “tier” that usually pay their people nothing and make them work horrible hours and deal with the shit that nobody else wants to deal with, and the upper tier being a job working for an agency that regulates private industries (like utilities) or something like a state dept of commerce that exists to bring business to your state. The golden jobs are jobs working for state senate/house committees as a general counsel or research analyst, but those jobs require that you be related to/be very close with a state legislator.
I know this article was about how awesome government work is, which I won’t say it doesn’t have its upsides, but the biggest problem at any agency I’ve worked at or dealt with is stagnation. All too often, people are promoted based on tenure with an agency and not their actual work ethic or leadership qualities. So what you’re left with can be a bunch of older workers at the top who are basically retired or retirement age who won’t physically leave (and who can’t really be fired), which prevents younger people from being promoted. The best way to move up in state government is to jump around….do 2-3 years at XYZ agency and then hop on over to a higher paying job with more responsibility at ABC agency. I also forgot to clarify my earlier comment: not “all” loans are forgiven after 10 years, only federal student loans (not private).
This guy gets it. As I stated, it’s not that I’m lazy, there just isn’t a lot to do. Everything is run by someone higher up and the Good ol’ Boy system is alive and well. When you work with older people (I’m the youngest by 25 years), they have a hard time with technology. I spent an entire day teaching someone that makes double what I make how to insert confidence intervals into Excel (which has been around since 1985). He made sure to remind me he paid $75 a credit in the 70s while I have $75k in loans. Their lack of continuing education to stay with the times is the biggest barrier in the public sector. I know how to get it done and work smarter rather than harder by putting macros and simplifying the process. If people want to be mad at anyone, look to the Baby Boomers.
The benefits and pay for people that barely graduated high school 35 years ago is insane. Gone is the days of working for the same place and getting promotions. Don’t hate the player, hate the game because our parents set up this shit system.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/jeannemeister/2012/08/14/job-hopping-is-the-new-normal-for-millennials-three-ways-to-prevent-a-human-resource-nightmare/
I’ve hopped around from three different government departments in two years, each coming with a completely different job and pay. However, the hours haven’t changed and the same bureaucracy exist. My path has been and will be a little different from those around me. I know people in various agencies through family and or friends, and they have helped pull the strings for my “promotions”. I am nothing like my co-workers who are part of a civil service union and have no visible upside. Those people are simply in it for their 25 year pensions and lack of actual responsibility.
My friends give me shit because I can respond to a group text within minutes and can hit the links really whenever I want. I’ll let them keep reminding me that they pay my salary as I laugh my way to the bank.
Downside to working in Civil Service is 9/10 people are miserable, beat down and probably double your age. You’re not making many friends and conversation is absolutely brutal.
Don’t work for the man
really hard to not sell out and work for the man, when I work four 10-hour shifts, and get friday, Saturday and Sundays off
This being posted right before the workplace porn article just fits together perfectly.
YES YES YES so much truth. And it’s not this guy’s fault he’s telling it like it is. There are so many lazy people in my State Government office that seem content with doing nothing all day. I personally can’t wait to move on so that I will actually accomplish things on a day-to-day basis and not spend full days perusing PGP. But if this guy is content, let him be. Also, I need more money.
This sounds like a very unfulfilling life.
This is one of the most spot on articles ever written. I salute you for writing this. You also need to make sure you call (or pretend to call) the IT desk at least 3 times a week to let everyone within earshot know that technical difficulties will not get in the way of you performing your laughably little amount of work for Uncle Sam.
Congratulations on all your successes. I would hope one day you are forced to look back at your life in varying degrees of shame, but something tells me you aren’t that self-aware. Things like ambition don’t even touch your radar.
I’ve been reading grandex sites for a long time and never thought it necessary to create an account or post anything; but this story is just ridiculous. Stories like this are the reason people think millennials are lazy and worthless and most of the comments are celebrating.
As somebody who pays an exorbitant amount in taxes, this is disgusting. Way to work your way up to the middle, bro. One day, when your kids are grown and ask why you’ll be working at Walmart in your 70’s, remember how excited you were about your easy, lazy job doing nothing for no pay.
Here’s the thing: You’re wrong about everything. Let’s say he decides to stay where he is for over 30 years. By the time he retires, the pension and retirement benefits he gets are good enough that he won’t have to do a damn thing for the rest of his life. And that’s just if he stays. What you fail to realize is that most people in the private sector don’t know a damn thing about the government and how it works. If you’re a low level bullshit position, then yeah, you aren’t going anywhere quickly. But if you work in communications, marketing, or the political side of things, the world is your goddamn oyster. There’s a reason D.C. is full of 26-27 year-olds making far more then most other’s their age. It’s because you get in, make the connects, do the work, then get out into the private sector and crush it.
The ignorance is strong with this one.
It is terrifying how accurate this is. First you work for government, then you work for government contractors, and then you work for anywhere you damn well please. All with seeing pretty huge jumps in salary.
Also, spelling. IDGAF