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There has been a cultural shift between the sexes over the past several years, and women have become more aggressive in trying to get the guy they want. This cultural shift has prompted the popularity of apps like Bumble and has amplified women’s competitive behavior in regards to one another when it comes to snagging a certain guy. Women are much more competitive than guys when it comes to finding the right soldier for their foxhole in the Battle of his Bulge. One of my favorite stand up routines of all time is in Chris Rock’s “Never Scared,” where he points out that while guys think there are other fish in the sea, women, even friends, will stab each other in the back to get a specific guy they want. He jokes, “If a woman introduces her new man to her girlfriend and they walk away, her girlfriend goes, ‘I gotta get HIM, and I will slit that bitch’s throat to do it.’” Nothing makes this more true than a more and more commonly used technique I like to call “Alpha Bitching.”
What is alpha bitching? Alpha bitching is where a competing girl will trash another girl behind her back while talking up herself in order to get a competitive edge. It doesn’t matter if it is a girl she doesn’t even know or if it’s her best friend — if it involves a guy she wants, she’ll do it. It doesn’t even have to be for a relationship. Even if she’s just competing for a guy for a one-nighter, she will alpha bitch any unsuspecting female. Obviously not ALL women will do this, but I’ve found it to be quite common, even more so now than when I was in college many, many, many moons ago.
Your typical alpha bitch experience will go something like this:
Scenario: Guy meets a girl with her friends at a bar and starts chatting her up, girl goes to the bathroom.
Friend of girl: So how do you like her?
Guy: She seems pretty cool.
Friend of girl: Yeah, she’s really sweet, but she’s kind of a mess. I mean, I love her to death, but she can’t seem to get it together.
Guy: Huh?
Friend of girl: Yeah. I probably shouldn’t say this (it almost always starts with this line), but I got her the job she has now. I mean, I worked really hard, moved up, and she was still living at home, so I had a little pull and got her a job. I don’t expect her to owe me or anything, I wouldn’t do THAT to her, but if it wasn’t for me she wouldn’t have that job.
Guy: Oh yeah?
Friend of girl: Mmhmm. She’s also awful with guys.
Guy: Okay…
Friend of girl: So anyways, what do you do?
What a bitch. Just absolutely brutal. Almost as brutal as a subtle (or not so subtle) criticism an interested chick will give you upon seeing a picture of you and the girl you’re dating. I’ve heard the word “subpar” used before. Totally not an awkward silence afterwards. But it makes sense. The unavailable man is the Holy Grail for the “alpha bitch.” Ladies, it’s an ugly reality, but at one point or another, some girl has alpha bitched you in an attempt to snag a guy from you. Not to make you paranoid or anything. There are just some really, really awful women out there. More than you would think, too. Just a fair warning. These bitches fight dirty.
Sure, guys are not innocent of stealing girls from other guys, whether it’s giving him a friendly “Hey there, little buddy” elbow tap to the shoulder in front of a group of girls or simply not turning down sex from another guy’s unfaithful girlfriend. It happens, and it’s a dick move, but it’s all part of the game and we have to be ready for it. The difference is that guys compete over everything since the day we can hold a tee ball bat. We know how to compete back and deal with those kinds of situations. On the other side of the coin, alpha bitching really is new ground for most women as more and more women emerge as the predators rather than the prey. It’s because of this that they need to be aware of what’s happening out there because no matter how well you think you have a guy wrapped around your finger some other chick is devising a plan to take him from you. .
Image via Unsplash
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@5OClockShadow_
Battle of the bulge. Good stuff.
Your name makes me think that you participate in alpha bitching on a regular occasion.
The only alpha bitching I partake in is smack talk in intramurals
Hey.
Sup 5oclock
Beware the classic “She’s not good enough for you.” Oh and you are sweetheart?
“Just saying, you can do better”
Female version of Judas. Bitches be crazy.
“Et tu, Brenda?”
This is sad but true. My husband gets hit on far more now that he has a wedding band on than he ever did before we got married. Of course the opposite is true for me. For some crazy reason, the unavailable man is more attractive to women than the single one. So annoying. Girls, we suck.
Was out to drinks with my younger brother last weekend and one of his girlfriend’s friends in the group kept hitting on me, even dropping lines like how compatible we are based on our astrological signs. Finished with the classic, “too bad you’re married…”
Never hurts to be reminded you still got it, though.
Why can we still not post GIFs on the app?! It’s 2016
Why does this site never post any articles about the stupid shit that guys do? I’ll freely admit that us ladies have plenty of issues and love to joke about them as much as the next person, but it seems like we’re always the butt of the joke here while you just brush off anything that men do as no big deal. Keep writing hilarious shit like TGDAG, but can we get a few funny articles about guys too?
There’s a really simple answer for this and it’s that we’re not crazy.
Oh we can be bat shit crazy, for sure. But don’t act like there’s no potential for articles about guys being idiots too.
Obviously I kid, plenty of potential on both sides.
http://www.totalfratmove.com
You also, have the power of the pen. Be the change you want to see! And other inspirational quotes.
You’ve inspired me.
I am a dude. And I agree with this. I’d love to read the I’m Engaging the Chase, Girl version or dumb shit husbands do. It has the possibility of being very funny as long as it’s not taken too seriously.
Sounds like you should contribute an article of the sort 🙂
^
I’ll write something about how bad of a ghoster I am.
Write one and try to get it published? I’m astounded by the things girls tell me have happened on first dates, so I’m sure there’s fodder there. Pick up your laptop and write your “I’m engaging in the being chased” series. I’ll read it.
As a female this is a little depressing. If girls are actually saying this shit it just comes off as seriously pathetic on their part. Anyways, thanks for the PSA, I guess.
Surely it can be easier than that. I’m sure there’s always something a guy wants from girl A that she won’t do, so if girl B wants him, well then there ya go.
You’re talking about butt stuff aren’t you?
^-^
I love her to death, but….