Why I’m Still A Virgin At 22

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So, why the hell am I holding out on putting out? Well…

1. No, I am not waiting until marriage. I fully believe in test driving the car before buying it, but having four wheels and an engine doesn’t mean I’m interested in sleeping with you. Well, that metaphor got away from me, but you get it.

2. It is NOT a Jesus (or other religious institution) thing. I really don’t want to “save room for the holy spirit.” The closest thing I want to religion in my bed is for you to have me screaming, “Oh, God. Oh, God, Oh, God.”

3. I am also not waiting for true love. It’d be nice if there was some chemistry and mutual respect going on so I don’t have to think about you telling your bros that you were the first to “hit it,” or about how awkward I was because, ya know, I’d never done that before.

4. I have had the opportunity to have sex. It takes more than an aggressive, drunken make-out session to get into these chino shorts.

5. Think back to the first time you had sex. You were probably nervous and a little awkward (and also probably 16, but that is beside the point). So am I. Which is why my minimum requirement is that I am comfortable with you. That and hopefully it didn’t take seven cheap vodka shots to even consider you.

6. If you’re lucky enough to get into my chinos, you get the chance to teach me. Show me what you like and how you like it and you get to help me figure out what I like and how I like it. (Not “Christian Grey” type teaching either, unless you’ve seen the trailer and want to kiss me like that in the elevator. That was hot.)

And finally,

7. Yes. I want to have the sex. I want to get naked and sweaty with someone. And I look forward to that happening, someday. *wistful sigh*

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Wanna get drunk and just make-out?

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