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Back in the day, before you were washed up, every month was a great drinking month. Hell, every week was a great drinking week.
We don’t operate like that anymore unless you’re either a fully functioning alcoholic or just a freak of nature. Heavy boozing ebbs and flows. It’s not uncommon to have a couple months in the year where you might not head above the legal limit more than a time or two. Regardless, some months still lend themselves better than others to getting drunk as hell on a semi-regular basis.
Our writers give their takes on their personal preference.
Kyle Bandujo – I’m going with December, strictly based on the amount of likely drinking events. As long as your workplace doesn’t suck you’ve got an office party to get pretty faded at. Then depending on where you spend your holidays, you’ve got old friends coming into town for a solid night at the bar, then a couple days of boozing to stand being in close proximity with your family.
Finally, you end the month with New Years which is honestly more trouble than it’s worth to get hammered on, but it’s a strong drinking holiday nonetheless. More opportunities to go big in December, so that’s my pick.
Kell – 100% June, because summer weather means the influx of beer festivals. Aside from that obvious benny, any bar patio is open, and you can fire up the grill for a summer brews and BBQ cookout.
Josh T – For myself, two factors indicate that there is only one true great drinking month of the year, and that is October. First, let’s go after drink type. For myself, I’m a fan of dark liquors and hoppy beers. These are drinks that go well into bold, hearty drinks that warm your belly — and honestly, they don’t do any favors to your waistline — making them perfect choices for the fall/winter seasons. Thus, we’ve eliminated half the calendar, spring and summer.
Next we can eliminate January and February, for their lack of drinking holidays. And, while getting drunk with your family sure can be swell, November also fails to make the cut. Christmas parties are a great time for drinking… if you don’t get ratted out to HR and lose your job. That leaves two remaining months, October and March, each with their own major drinking holiday. And in the contest between St. Paddy’s and Halloween, I must give the edge to the spookiest night of the year. Not just because I love All Hallows Eve, but because the holiday lends itself to nearly a month’s worth of parties, you get all the hot people barely dressed, and you can watch amazing horror movies, all while getting plastered. October also comes with the glut of football season, the start of hockey and basketball season, and the MLB playoffs. The month has no shortage of opportunities to drink, and it’s capped by the best holiday ever? October wins this, walking away.
Everett – December, no question. You’ve got Q4 quota stress, whatever the hell bomb cyclones are, delayed and jam-packed holiday travel, and dealing with your family back home. You’re basically stress drinking until NYE where you celebrate by drinking like you’re John Wick and your liver just stole your puppy. December drinking is a no-brainer, and I mean that literally.
Nick Arcadia – July. Hotter is always better. Fuck March Madness in the spring, fuck football in the fall, and fuck every winter month. I’ve been suffering away through cold weather since October, and it fucking sucks. July is the warmest month, therefore, the best month. It also contains Independence Day, my favorite holiday and the best drinking day of the year for everyone who isn’t an ISIS terrorist. You can drink at the lake, the beach, the pool, or on vacation. You can drink on bar patios or rooftops. Also, there are no big sports going on (unless you count mid-season baseball, the most boring sporting time of the year), so there’s nothing else to do but drink. Everyone that hates on summer really just hates that they’re fat and wants to hide their sweaty bodies in a chunky sweater. Whew. Sorry about that. It’s been a long winter, and I needed to get that all off my chest. Anyways, my answer is July.
Jenna Crowley – Let’s be honest, there’s a case to be made for each month of the year being the best post-grad drinking month. But if forced to choose, I’d think I would have to go with December. It’s expected that you pack on a few pounds over the holidays, which makes the month between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, with all of the family dinners and holiday parties, the perfect time to knock back a few more than usual. Plus, it’s still football season, which means Sunday day-drinking is totally acceptable…not that it’s really frowned upon on non-football Sundays, but you know what I mean. .