What To Do When A Celebrity You Like Turns Out To Be An Awful Person

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2017 may have started off horrible, but it’s been trending upward in its last few months. Sure, we’ve still got a megalomaniac baby for President whose idea of foreign policy is tweeting rude comments about other heads of state’s personal appearance like some kind of internationally powerful 7th-grade mean-girl. And sure, we might not make it to 2018 before one of those previously mentioned rude comments cause a nuclear holocaust.

But there are some silver linings, most notable of which is the recent trend of people in power finally getting called out for being complete and total shitbags. From comedians, to sports stars, to CEOs, to politicians, it seems that no one is untouchable. Victims are coming forward, speaking out, and finally giving bad people the punishment they’ve been avoiding for years. However, as awesome and justice-boner-inspiring it is to watch people in power finally be held accountable for the awful things they’ve done, that feeling of elation can come with some confusion for you, the fan.

Maybe you find out a movie star you’ve had a crush on since high school is apparently a sexually harassing piece of garbage. Maybe the NFL player whose jersey you own beats his wife. Just because you don’t know someone personally doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings and attachments towards that person or their work, and those feelings can conflict with your feelings on what the person did or who the person is. Because of that, I wrote out a handy step-by-step guide for how to deal with that internal conflict.

Let your new perception of them sink in.

Let’s say you just found out that your favorite comedian turned out to be, hypothetically, someone who sexually harassed and assaulted women by masturbating in front of them against their will. Now, you don’t know this comedian personally, but you’ve been following him for years, you love his work, and you had a built-up idea of who he was in your mind which (hopefully) did not include the recent allegations. That’s perfectly normal. Even though it’s weird to feel like we know people we’ve never met, when you’re so exposed to someone’s work, you tend to create a persona for that individual in your mind. For example, I’m firmly convinced Chris Pine is the funny, bad-boy-with-a-heart-of-gold he so often plays in his movies, and that’s not just because I’m transfixed by his piercing blue eyes.

In order to come to terms with the fact that someone you’ve been a fan of is actually a horrible person, you have to let your old perception of them fade and be replaced by the new, sadly more accurate perception. I’m not saying you have to close your eyes and visualize them jerking their tiny, flaccid wiener in front of a horrified and scared woman, but you have to realize the extent of what they did. Think about how you feel about sexual harassers, and then inject all those emotions or rage and disgust into your feelings on them. It’s not easy, but it helps internalize the truth.

Decide if you can still be a fan.

This may be the hardest step, or the easiest, depending on what the person did and what your personal morals are. Did they do something so heinous that you can never look at them again? Did they do something that makes you no longer a fan of theirs, but still a fan of their work. Can you ever separate the two? Personally, I’m still a fan of Mel Gibson’s work as an actor and producer, despite him being outed as an anti-Semite who’s blamed my faith as being “responsible for all the wars in the world.” Am I a fan of him as a person? No, but hopefully, and likely, I will never meet him. Do I still enjoy his movies? Yes. Obviously, this gets harder as the acts committed get worse.

If you’re still a fan, figure out what that means.

Can you ever watch a movie again, knowing the lead actor sexually harassed his costar? If it comes out that your NBA team’s star player hits his wife, are you no longer a fan of that player? That team? The entire league? If your favorite artist is charged with domestic battery, should you no longer listen to any of their music? Is paying to see them in concert endorsing what he did? What if you only illegally download their music, then can you listen to it guilt free? I can’t answer these questions, but you’ll have to.

If you do stay a fan of a celebrity despite their behavior, understand that you may have to explain, or even justify, that choice to people. In a situation where the difference between a celebrity’s work and their actions isn’t always clear, this can get messy. You may have people tell you if you rent an actor’s movies, you’re endorsing the multiple DUIs that actor has been charged with. People could claim that if you start an NFL player on your fantasy team, you’re telling the world you don’t care about his assault charges. Hell, maybe you’re even saying you like that he assaults people, and maybe you like to assault people too.

That’s not true, of course. You’re staunchly against all forms of violence because you’re a decent and kind person. But people may form different opinions of you because of your fandom now. These are hot-button subjects and things could get heated very quickly. You need to be prepared for that, and make sure you don’t get dragged into an argument where you realize ten minutes in that your anger at being accused of something you didn’t do has caused you to justify the celebrity’s behavior. Which reminds me…

Don’t attempt to justify their shitty behavior.

I don’t know if this should be the last step or the first step, or listed in between all the other steps, but it’s the most important step. Listen, I understand that this can be hard. Although you’ve never met this celebrity, that doesn’t mean that they’ve had no effect on your life. It could be the running back that scored your team’s winning touchdown in the Superbowl. It could be an artist whose music got you through some dark spots in your life, and whose lyrics you thought of as your own personal anthem. It could be a comedian who’s made you laugh and brought you joy, and who’s always seemed so good and kind, it’s impossible to believe he actually did what they say he did. I mean, you feel like you know him, even though you don’t know him at all. He wouldn’t do that to those women. Maybe they’re lying for his money, or– no, stop. They did it. They’re guilty. They’re a bad person. And you have to accept that you didn’t know them, and who you thought you knew never existed.

The hard truth is, bad people can produce great things. The same person that beats his wife can produce beautiful songs that inspire greatness in others. Someone who makes movies that let kids dream of being a hero can also be the same someone who preys on children. Talent can be bestowed on the worst people and the greatest ideas can spring from the worst minds. You can admit that someone has produced something great, but you must also accept that they, themselves, are anything but.

Don’t blame the victims just because you don’t want to blame the celebrity who’s given you so much. Don’t deny the accusations just because you want to continue to enjoy someone’s work. Don’t believe forced apologies and hollow promises just because you want everything to go back to the way it was before your life got a little more complicated. Don’t take the easy way out. Accept what happened. Decide what it means to you. And don’t choose your fandom over your morals. .

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Nick Arcadia

The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com

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