We’re going to watch golf today. This will be my first trip to Austin Country Club (I’m more of a Barton Creek guest kind of guy), and I am dialed in. If I hurry, I can get there in time to watch the Kuchar-Zach Johnson matchup that all of us wanted to see. Here’s what else I’m looking for:
1. Spectators wearing golf shoes.
In the interest of full transparency, I recently acquired my first pair of Ecco golf shoes. This was 3 days ago. I’m playing tomorrow, and they aren’t broken in, and I toyed with the idea of wearing my cool-hip/douche hybrid shoes to the tournament. I’ve seen this move done MANY times. Dads love wearing golf shoes to golf tournaments. It says “I’m not playing because I’m not one of the top 64 players in the world, but I shot 82 last weekend.”
In the end, I decided to stick with my jarringly white Nike tennis shoes because it might be my best chance at being on TV again. Don’t forget that I am the meatloaf guy from TV.
2. If Spieth loses again, what traumatic moment from his past will Nick Faldo blame?
Watching the replay of yesterday’s matches last night, I heard Faldo mention that our guy, J. Spieth, had his head in Augusta. Couldn’t have just been a bad day, you know? You remember what happened last year. The Masters are in 2 weeks, so clearly we have to build the redemption narrative now. If J doesn’t even get out of group play, I expect the loss of a family pet a decade ago to be at the forefront of Nick’s analysis.
3. How loudly will I Ric Flair “WOO!” when I see Rory swinging big stick?
Rory’s been absolutely mashing the ball. His little run Sunday at Bay Hill had be all the way torqued. Looks like the PGA noticed, too:
I want to live in a world where the PGA Tour’s social media person intentionally calls Rory “a flesh rocket.” Today he’s up against Gary Woodland, so expect absolute carnage from the tee box.
4. Even though Rickie isn’t playing, will PUMA nation show up?
Not just kids either. I wanna see dads out there rocking Poke orange Puma outfits. We all wanted to see Rickie this year, but no one wanted to see him more than this guy:
5. Will any Westlake High School kids yell “Fuck you, Dorn” at Dorn?
It happened last year. Dillon was spotted out in the wild, and they made him pay. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to see it. Need to see this in person.
6. How many polos from Austin Country Club will I purchase, despite the fact that I’m not a member?
This is always a weird spot to be in. You wanna rep the set, but it’s technically not your set. We need to explore this on Touching Base. If it’s your town’s big tournament, there’s an exception to wearing gear from the very exclusive hosting country club that you
don’t have time to can’t afford to join, right?
7. Will ZJ take off his shades and look me in the eye?
I am the face of Zeej Nation. It’s time Zach Johnson stops dodging me and gives me the credit I deserve. I’m not asking for a ball. I don’t want a high five or even a fist-bump. Just a slight nod of head that says, “Thank you for what you’re doing, David.”
8. Am I going to be the only person there without Snap Spectacles?
I need to go full millennial trash and get a pair. If your shades weren’t designed in Silicon Valley, what’s the point of getting up in the morning?
This will be a good time. Follow us today:
Exclusive Personal Accounts:
Me on Snap: @dcarterruff
Will on Snap: @defriewf
If you’re out at ACC today, look for the freshly shaven Will and the dad cap and shades sporting me..