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I once brought you one man’s insufferable story about a weekend he spent in Washington D.C. a couple weeks back. It was a part of The Washingtonian’s “Food Money Sex” series in which an anonymous person chronicles everything they do in a given weekend. Not being someone who wants to throw stones at glass houses, I’d be remiss if I didn’t do my own “Food Money Sex” diary for the weekend that was.
Friday
What I Spent:
– Initial Payment for iPhone X, $157.00
– Pants, Sweater (Color: Oatmeal), and Shirt at The Gap, $103.84
– Four Beers and A Split Appetizer, $39.51
How I Saved:
Uh, yeah, did I spend my Friday lunch break buying clothing from The Gap as if it’s the mid-90s all over again? Yes. Were they having a 40% off sale where I snagged three pieces all on deep discount? You’re goddamn right. You could also make the case that I saved by not buying the iPhone X outright since I’ll be doing the payment plan, but with 0% interest, it’s pretty much a wash. I also got free lunch because my girlfriend bought it for me, as well as free dinner that I’d later pay for the next day by buying another meal. What goes around comes around, people.
Where I Should’ve Saved:
Yeah, so upon further review, I didn’t need to spend $100 at The Gap in an effort to dress like Dawson Leery. I also didn’t need to get the iPhone X with the most memory, but come on, let me ball out one time.
The worst part of all of this? I accidentally spent $11 on one single pint of beer at The Bearded Lady in Fort Worth on Friday night. Yes, $11. I thought it was going to come in some sort of 22-ounce mug when I saw the price because surely they wouldn’t charge that much for one single pint. Boy, was I wrong. Most expensive saison I’ve ever had.
Saturday
What I Spent:
– Brunch, $51.96
– To-Go Pre-Made Dinner and To-Go Cheese Platter, $23.77
How I Saved:
I decided against day drinking and going out all day in favor of watching Stranger Things and checking out a hunting and fishing American art exhibit at a museum. Used my mom’s Netflix account and got free admission to said museum. Big move for the ol’ wallet. Furthermore, rather than getting to-go pasta from a restaurant that would’ve been $15+ per plate, we went to a market (EatZi’s) and got pasta there which lasted for, like, 2.5 meals. It’s kind of like when you buy a large pizza and lethargically eat it all weekend, but with pasta.
Where I Should’ve Saved:
Rather than buying pre-made to-go pasta for dinner, we should’ve just bought pasta and red sauce with fixins. Honestly, you could make the case we would’ve spent more. That bottle of $12 Cabernet went down really nice though. Especially since it was only $12.
Sunday
What I Spent:
– Afternoon Beers, $15.00
– Snacks + Sandwich for Dinner, $20.23
How I Saved:
That pasta I mentioned? Breakfast and lunch. Those beers I mentioned? Only had one like a true psychopath. You can shame me for eating pasta for breakfast, but I won’t have it. It tasted amazing and I have no regrets about eating linguine in bed while knocking out two episodes of Stranger Things. Way healthier than some decisions I could’ve made instead.
Where I Should’ve Saved:
I went rogue at a market and bought $11 spicy soba noodles in addition to the ham sandwich I purchased for dinner. I took a luxury bus home from Fort Worth that offered free dinner as well, but that sandwich just looked too good to pass up. I was a Carb Boy™ this weekend and I’m not afraid to admit that to the world.
Total: $411.31.
Somewhat reckless? I guess. Did I straight up have to incur that initial iPhone X payment? Of course. It would be so embarrassing to be out at a bar with an iPhone that has a home button and a screen that doesn’t cover the entire front of the phone. .
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
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will@grandex.co
I just don’t get how you could be productive at work with this glaring lack of sex on the weekends……
Tax season is coming around – who needs a girlfriend when you get fucked by the government?
Pasta for breakfast is always a great move.
FRIDAY:
Lunch – $54.87 Would have been cheaper but the wife joined and the waitress charged me for my buddy’s second Tito’s when I only had one. NBD, he’ll get me back next time.
Baby Shower Host Gifts – $285.93. This one stung, but we got all sorts of goodies on Saturday.
Dinner – $58.00 for Thai Gourmet on Richmond. Best curry in town and tons of lefties to enjoy later.
SATURDAY:
Lunch – Free at the shower, reaped hella gift cards and practical stuff like clothes, diapers and bottles for Baby Rico.
Dinner – Leftover Thai Food (“free”)
SUNDAY:
Grocery Store – $59.56, which will get us through Wednesday at least.
Baby Clothes from a baby boutique store – way too much.
TOTAL: Over $1,000. Yikes. Baby’s are expensive, people. Plan B is cheap. Condoms are cheapest.
Spent the morning figuring out how to get through my wife’s maternity leave without ending up on the streets. Fuck cocaine, BABIES are God’s way of telling you that you have too much money.
We are lucky on that front, but daycare is almost like adding a second mortgage into our monthly budget.
Thankfully her parents live in town, and are ready willing and able to do some of the babysitting, or else we’d be stretched even more thin. We went from feeling very comfortable to having to be a lot more cautious.
Porsche announced their program where, for $3k/mo, you can drive any of their cars unlimited miles, all included except gas. My first thought was “fuck that’s a lot of money” and my second was “that’s exactly what I spend on childcare each month, I could have a Porsche fleet!”
I’ve yet to uncover a convincing reason to keep it..
Where is the other $500?
At Doodles in Rice Village. Don’t let your wife find out about it….
Just had to google Doodles to see what it is….I’m sorry man
You’ll be there in a couple years. Mark my words.
How much do you make, Will?
$250,000 with full benefits and 8 weeks of paid vacation with a six-month sabbatical after three years of employment.
No but in all seriousness, I’ve overspent on material items in the two weeks I’ve done this column. Need to rein it in.
But this way you have these things you bought. It’s important have them. That way you have them.
Can’t wait to shatter my iPhone.
I woke up this morning, guys. There are some things in life you just can’t put a price tag on (this message has been brought to you by Master Card)
Gleefully looking forward to pictures of your pupper with the X
You left out the “Sex” part. Or is that your way of telling us something?
Are you a Merchant Marine?
$1100 on a World Series ticket. Worth it.
I need to know more about this luxury bus that gives free dinner, Will
Friday: iPhone X – $1200 or so post taxes, some dinner that I don’t remember – $80, mules before a midnight showing of rocky horror – $50
Saturday: Brunch $50, beer run: $130, decorations: $30. Good news, I have left over beer for weeks.
Sunday: $0. Regrets – none.
Eatzis is the shit