I wish an orchestra would start playing music to let coworkers know they’ve been talking too long. PGP.

I’m “It’s 8:30, and you want to start a movie this late?” years old. PGP.

The seven minutes each cigarette takes off my life are worth the seven minutes each cigarette takes off my workday. PGP.

A coworker is singing “Baby it’s cold outside” so now I have to, somehow, squeeze a murder into my schedule between conference calls. PGP.

The guy that always has to get the last word in during an email exchange. PGP.

Who says nothing is impossible? I do nothing all day long. PGP.

I used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead. PGP.

I love phone interviews. I can just sit naked and eating cereal while talking about how I am a responsible adult. PGP.

Maybe I would have better people skills if I worked with better people. PGP.

When you run out of unproductive things to do at work and are forced to do actual work. PGP.