Responding to sales emails with a clip of Chevy Chase saying “Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass, Kiss His Ass, Kiss Your Ass.” PGP.

Wife won’t let me buy a recliner. PGP.

I meant to send an email titled “Touching Base” to a prospective client. Instead I sent out “Touching Bae.” PGP.

I already know what my girlfriend is making me do on Valentine’s Day next year. PGP.

My college girlfriend telling me, “You don’t have fun anymore”. PGP.

I shit more in one day than I did a week in college. PGP.

Sitting down in the shower. PGP.

Today I was told not to make eye contact with a client. PGP.