People think I’m growing a beard, I’m just too lazy to go buy razors.

“First ever bar fight” scaries. PGP.

I created an entire imaginary future based on the one job application I just filled out. PGP.

Taking Tums while at the bar.

“Need anything while I’m up?” PGP.

Having an emergency toothbrush and back-up contact case in your center console. PGP.

When getting up from your desk rips out your earbuds, thus broadcasting sports radio to your entire office. PGP.

Being sarcastically told “That’s why you get paid the big bucks!” for completing a simple task. PGP.