Actually reading the articles in Playboy. PGP.

Doing as little as you can as often as possible. PGP.

Getting depressed watching Jeopardy as even answering one question correctly would improve your quality of life. PGP.

Actually enjoying reruns of “Frasier.” PGP.

That “new pair of dress socks” feeling. PGP.

Christian Bale’s “American Hustle” combover/beer gut making you feel infinitely better about your own combover/beer gut. PGP.

“Lisa, if you don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.” -Homer Simpson PGP.

Avoiding cleaning unless there is a distinct potential for coitus. PGP.

Putting your alarm clock on the other side of your bedroom to force you to get out of bed to hit snooze. PGP.