Mustered up the courage to ask for a half day today. No one else even showed up.

Too scared to click on the “Your card statement is ready” email the day after getting back from SXSW.

The flash of panic you get when settling into your favorite stall only to realize your phone is still on your desk. PGP.

You can tell a lot about a man from his shoes. Like how often he poops at work. PGP.

The best thing that has happened since getting a full-time job: McDonald’s breakfast. The worst thing that has happened since getting a full-time job: McDonald’s breakfast. PGP.

Don’t trust anyone who can take a work dump in less than 8 minutes. PGP.

“Last night I ordered a pizza by myself and ate it over the sink like a rat.”- Andy Bernard

Got that hot sale rep’s number. It was on her card. PGP.

Unapologetically stocking up on Chipotle’s superior plasticware. PGP.