My lunch plans consist of stealing a better parking spot.

In the car by myself I audibly cheered because the good parking spot was open.

Taking the stairs because you’re trying to live healthier, then trying to hide how out of breath you are when you get into the office. PGP

I don’t like the new Google logo. PGP.

Had a nightmare my credit score dropped a hundred points overnight.

I only own two pairs of work pants that I rotate every other week. PGP.

Your married Facebook friends posting sappy romantic shit on each other’s Walls. PGP.

Today, LinkedIn asked me how I know my father.

If I could have seen how miserable my future was going to be when I was little kid, I would have just stayed in my hometown and opened up an action figure store.