I used to work here. Fuck you, all of you whining assholes. Jesus, get a collective life. And fuck your safe space. It’s gone now, and so are your protective nannies who used to wipe your asses and kiss your booboos and tell you everything will be OK. Life’s a bitch and you damn well better get used to it.
Texans are Chili Snobs. You can’t say the word “chili” in Texas without eliciting a lengthy list of Rules about what is and isn’t Chili, and how said Chili should be prepared and eaten. At some point you have to say “Fuck you if I want beans in my chili I’ll put goddam beans in my fucking chili.”
Create a fictitious “old friend from college” that you will be spending the holidays with. Whenever someone invites you to Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, pull out the Friend excuse. For extra credit, create a biography of the Friend who of course has a huge house and a highly successful husband and/or wife. Make a joke about how every year the Friend tries to set you up with someone.
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This bit is played
I thought the premise of this website was whining.
First World Problems
I’d like to be “interrogated” by Diane Sawyer.
I usually get plastered Wednesday night and spend Thanksgiving Day puking in the guest bathroom.
Texans are Chili Snobs. You can’t say the word “chili” in Texas without eliciting a lengthy list of Rules about what is and isn’t Chili, and how said Chili should be prepared and eaten. At some point you have to say “Fuck you if I want beans in my chili I’ll put goddam beans in my fucking chili.”
The difference between a “fridge” and a “refrigerator” is about $2300.
Hasn’t dated a virgin since she was 12 and hasn’t been a virgin since she was 11.
The girl was probably impressed by your dedication to hydration. You know where that really works? Biker bars. Biker chicks love a well-hydrated dude.
If there’s no D in refrigerator, why does the shortened version (fridge) have a D? Anyone? Anyone?
No
Create a fictitious “old friend from college” that you will be spending the holidays with. Whenever someone invites you to Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, pull out the Friend excuse. For extra credit, create a biography of the Friend who of course has a huge house and a highly successful husband and/or wife. Make a joke about how every year the Friend tries to set you up with someone.
When I was in the 6th grade my mom told me I should never cook my meat. Still not sure what she meant.
You have until Spring to lose weight.
I thought it was funny.
Cue spooky music